Aumegrad Intro

[Athan]

Just left the dentist for a routine cleaning and checkup.  Though I have had about 6 or 7 nicotine-free cleanings since quit, I couldn’t help but think of the post cleaning conundrum I used to be faced with prior to my quit.  You know the one.  I didn’t dip before the cleaning, but REALLY wanted one post cleaning and I KNEW it will taste nasty.  I didn’t enjoy it, but I chewed anyways just looking all silly hating myself.

Made me laugh to think of how stupid I used to be.  Man it feels great to be free from these ridiculous “issues”.

1,205 days quit today and promise all of you NO NICOTINE for me!

Man there ain't nothing like a dentist visit to put a smile on my face!

[Aumegrad]

Just left the dentist for a routine cleaning and checkup.  Though I have had about 6 or 7 nicotine-free cleanings since quit, I couldn’t help but think of the post cleaning conundrum I used to be faced with prior to my quit.  You know the one.  I didn’t dip before the cleaning, but REALLY wanted one post cleaning and I KNEW it will taste nasty.  I didn’t enjoy it, but I chewed anyways just looking all silly hating myself.

Made me laugh to think of how stupid I used to be.  Man it feels great to be free from these ridiculous “issues”.

1,205 days quit today and promise all of you NO NICOTINE for me!

[Aumegrad]

What’s it worth to you?  This is a question worth answering for both quitters and those still beholden to your addiction.  Regardless if addressing your addiction or freedom, I think it helps ultimately lead to the same conclusion.

For me, freedom is ultimately worth everything.  It’s worth the extra time with family not trying to sneak a dip.  It’s making plans and worrying about everything BUT nicotine.  It’s not sweating dentist visits.  It’s walking into a C store and not being fazed by the wall O’Nicotine behind the register.  It’s feeling sorry for the poor saps buying products off that wall.  It’s the extra jingle in my pockets from not buying off that wall myself.  Its the pride in knowing what I’ve overcome.  It’s the freedom in knowing that I have mortified an idol/sin in my life and the resulting progress along my path of sanctification.  As Paul pinned …

“Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭6:12‬ ‭

I could continue, but will simply reiterate, what is freedom worth to me? EVERYTHING! 


Aumegrad 1,172 and incredibly free!

[Aumegrad]

Nothing verbose, just QUIT. 

How about you?

Aumegrad 1,109 all freak’n day long … get some!!!!

[Aumegrad]

“The easy way”, this thought has been weighing heavy on my mind lately.   Nothing that I accomplished and hold dear was “easy”, in fact they were the complete opposite.

I also think of all the significant military victories in history, none were “easy”.  They were all nearly insurmountably difficult with significant loss: Dday, Battle of the Bulge, Gettysburg, Battle of Hamburger Hill, etc. 

I also consider Matt 7:13-14 where wide and easy is the path that leads to destruction, narrow and difficult is the path to eternal life.

Point being, anything worth having has a cost and that cost is never “easy”.  This includes nicotine.  Quitting nicotine is not for the weak, it’s not easy.  BUT it is doable for everyone who has the testicular fortitude to simply do it.  This website is filled with those warriors who braved the withdrawals, the sleepless nights, the rage, the headaches, the ‘longing’ sensation, etc and are quit and free from the grips of nicotine.  They aren’t anymore special than anyone else, they simply chose the ‘difficult’ path because they knew the reward would be more than worth it and they would let NOTHING stop them.  So you too can choose this path, just do it.  But regardless of your decision, I will be quit today regardless of ANYTHING that comes my way and will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  My question is, how about you?!?

Aumegrad 896 <— guaranteed

[Athan]

Hey, anyone seen Hundy?  I heard Aumegrad ate him. That's right, Aumegrad ate Hundy!

[FISHFLORIDA]

It has been a while since documenting my quit journey and figure now is as good a time as any ...

As I begin my 3rd trip around the sun as a free man and no longer a man gripped by addiction, I can’t help but think of my position 737 days ago.  That extraordinary point where one second prior, I was an addicted slave and that sudaequent second where, I was free.  It literally happened in an instant, the moment that last dip was pulled from my cheek.  That instant in time changed my whole life.  Granted I had thought about it prior, but those thoughts didn’t prevent me from stuffing my face, it was the decisive moment.  That decision at that singular point in time lead to a stronger bond with my wife, more time focused on kids, stronger desire to study scripture, a stronger desire to excersize, and a general renewed interest in life.  We talk about defining points, THAT is a defining point.  Regardless what happens moving forward, that was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  I could talk about the crappiness of withdrawals or the occasional craves I still get, but for what purpose?!  I am free and have been afforded more than I frankly deserve.  I love being quit, it is a large puzzle piece that makes Aumegrad.  So whatever negative that was associated with my quit, the positives ALL outweigh it.  Was it scary, hell yeah it was.  Was/Is it worth it, absofreakinlutely!

You see, at that very finite point in time, I made a decision that I was done with nicotine.  Failure simply wasn’t/isn’t an option.  I have molded that determination with the tools offered by this site and the bond of my fellow quit brothers and sisters to beat this addiction one day at a time.  That one very decisive point that changed my life is affordable to any of you who are still beholden to your addiction.  Just quit, that instant will change your life forever and will simply be a decision you will never regret!

Aumegrad 737

congrats brother!!

You have been a mentor, an inspiration and friend - Congrats Johnathon!  Let's keep quitting one day at a time!

Awesome job man!  Proud to be quit with you.

[oldschool]

It has been a while since documenting my quit journey and figure now is as good a time as any ...

As I begin my 3rd trip around the sun as a free man and no longer a man gripped by addiction, I can’t help but think of my position 737 days ago.  That extraordinary point where one second prior, I was an addicted slave and that sudaequent second where, I was free.  It literally happened in an instant, the moment that last dip was pulled from my cheek.  That instant in time changed my whole life.  Granted I had thought about it prior, but those thoughts didn’t prevent me from stuffing my face, it was the decisive moment.  That decision at that singular point in time lead to a stronger bond with my wife, more time focused on kids, stronger desire to study scripture, a stronger desire to excersize, and a general renewed interest in life.  We talk about defining points, THAT is a defining point.  Regardless what happens moving forward, that was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  I could talk about the crappiness of withdrawals or the occasional craves I still get, but for what purpose?!  I am free and have been afforded more than I frankly deserve.  I love being quit, it is a large puzzle piece that makes Aumegrad.  So whatever negative that was associated with my quit, the positives ALL outweigh it.  Was it scary, hell yeah it was.  Was/Is it worth it, absofreakinlutely!

You see, at that very finite point in time, I made a decision that I was done with nicotine.  Failure simply wasn’t/isn’t an option.  I have molded that determination with the tools offered by this site and the bond of my fellow quit brothers and sisters to beat this addiction one day at a time.  That one very decisive point that changed my life is affordable to any of you who are still beholden to your addiction.  Just quit, that instant will change your life forever and will simply be a decision you will never regret!

Aumegrad 737

congrats brother!!

You have been a mentor, an inspiration and friend - Congrats Johnathon!  Let's keep quitting one day at a time!

[Keith0617]

It has been a while since documenting my quit journey and figure now is as good a time as any ...

As I begin my 3rd trip around the sun as a free man and no longer a man gripped by addiction, I can’t help but think of my position 737 days ago.  That extraordinary point where one second prior, I was an addicted slave and that sudaequent second where, I was free.  It literally happened in an instant, the moment that last dip was pulled from my cheek.  That instant in time changed my whole life.  Granted I had thought about it prior, but those thoughts didn’t prevent me from stuffing my face, it was the decisive moment.  That decision at that singular point in time lead to a stronger bond with my wife, more time focused on kids, stronger desire to study scripture, a stronger desire to excersize, and a general renewed interest in life.  We talk about defining points, THAT is a defining point.  Regardless what happens moving forward, that was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  I could talk about the crappiness of withdrawals or the occasional craves I still get, but for what purpose?!  I am free and have been afforded more than I frankly deserve.  I love being quit, it is a large puzzle piece that makes Aumegrad.  So whatever negative that was associated with my quit, the positives ALL outweigh it.  Was it scary, hell yeah it was.  Was/Is it worth it, absofreakinlutely!

You see, at that very finite point in time, I made a decision that I was done with nicotine.  Failure simply wasn’t/isn’t an option.  I have molded that determination with the tools offered by this site and the bond of my fellow quit brothers and sisters to beat this addiction one day at a time.  That one very decisive point that changed my life is affordable to any of you who are still beholden to your addiction.  Just quit, that instant will change your life forever and will simply be a decision you will never regret!

Aumegrad 737

congrats brother!!

[Aumegrad]

It has been a while since documenting my quit journey and figure now is as good a time as any ...

As I begin my 3rd trip around the sun as a free man and no longer a man gripped by addiction, I can’t help but think of my position 737 days ago.  That extraordinary point where one second prior, I was an addicted slave and that sudaequent second where, I was free.  It literally happened in an instant, the moment that last dip was pulled from my cheek.  That instant in time changed my whole life.  Granted I had thought about it prior, but those thoughts didn’t prevent me from stuffing my face, it was the decisive moment.  That decision at that singular point in time lead to a stronger bond with my wife, more time focused on kids, stronger desire to study scripture, a stronger desire to excersize, and a general renewed interest in life.  We talk about defining points, THAT is a defining point.  Regardless what happens moving forward, that was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  I could talk about the crappiness of withdrawals or the occasional craves I still get, but for what purpose?!  I am free and have been afforded more than I frankly deserve.  I love being quit, it is a large puzzle piece that makes Aumegrad.  So whatever negative that was associated with my quit, the positives ALL outweigh it.  Was it scary, hell yeah it was.  Was/Is it worth it, absofreakinlutely!

You see, at that very finite point in time, I made a decision that I was done with nicotine.  Failure simply wasn’t/isn’t an option.  I have molded that determination with the tools offered by this site and the bond of my fellow quit brothers and sisters to beat this addiction one day at a time.  That one very decisive point that changed my life is affordable to any of you who are still beholden to your addiction.  Just quit, that instant will change your life forever and will simply be a decision you will never regret!

Aumegrad 737

[Aumegrad]

Man, I remember it well.  The roughly 24hrs surrounding my decision to quit.  Feelings of being lost, confused, anxious, scared, mad, depressed … the list goes on.  All simultaneously fighting one another in my mind in some morbid game of “King of the Hill”, all vying to become the controlling emotion in my life.  Though on the outside, I held it all together and acted as if I were in control (for the most part).  But inside, it was literally an unceasing war.  It was like my mind was filled with uncontrollable crowd noise that just wouldn’t stop, neither night or day. 

I remember questioning: How would I ever overcome this out-of-control mental rollercoaster?  Would I ever be able to enter new positive emotions into this emotional melee and push it to the Hilltop as King?  When would it all end?  When will this quit be worth it?  Would it all be worth it?

It was during this time I realized that I wasn’t simply battling a habit.  No, I was indeed warring with an addiction.  Always down for some adversity, I was ready.  Reading thru this site, I realized I could conquer it.  I realized if ANYBODY ELSE could do it, I sure HELL would be able to do it … absolutely NOTHING could stop me.  Not the emotional rollercoaster, not the mental noise, not the craves, NOTHING!

I jumped in.  Man, I jumped all-in to this website.  I drank the Kool-aid, dug my feet in and began fighting back.  Within no time, I was able to introduce positive emotions into the melee.  These emotions (joy, happiness, contentment, … etc.) ran up the hill with determination and a purpose.  Like me in my quit, they scratched, they clawed, they swung, they kicked, they yelled there way to the top.  Soon, my feelings of anxiety, fear, and anger were being dominated by their positive counterparts.  The positives were more consistently becoming King of the Hill.  Simultaneously, the crowd noise in my mind slowly grew quieter and quieter like a breeze slowly floating away from me. 

Next thing I know, my mind was being dominated with happiness and filled with positive emotions.  My mind was being overwhelmed with clarity to think about whatever I wanted, not controlled by my addiction.  I was able to start recapturing the time lost after more than a decade of ninja dipping.  The list goes on. 

Simply put, I was able to overcome the negative emotions and it has been most definitely worth it.  If I were asked if I’d be worth it to do again, my response would be simple: “I’d be my pleasure”!

If you are in your quit infancy or on the fence to do so, you must believe there is freedom.  It is available and attainable to you.  It is not easy, but it also isn’t as difficult as your mind is telling you it is.  You can do it and if you believe nothing more from me, please believe this … It is entirely worth it!

Aumegrad 536 with no regrets!

[Aumegrad]

I was digging around my cpu and came across the original letter I typed my wife 530 days ago when I decided enough was enough (outlined in my original Intro post).  I had all but forgotten my mental state at the time of my quit, however reading thru this brought back every emotion, reconfirming my commitment so many days ago.  I never anticipated sharing this personal note outside of my marriage, but perhaps it’ll strike a nerve with someone on the fence of quitting.  That Aumegrad was completely different that this Aumegrad.  For starters, that Aumegrad was a slave.  While this Aumegrad is a free man.  Both Aumegrads are addicts, but this Aumegrad is fully aware and accepting of this, and with the tools obtained from this website, can overwhelmingly control it.  If you are on the fence and don’t know if you can quit, just do it.  Follow the protocol on this site and smell the freedom with me, it simply works!

So here is the note, names omitted because I’m just paranoid like that 

“Wife,
I have a confession I need to make to you.  When I quit smoking 12 years ago, I supplemented the cigarettes with dip to help ease the withdrawals.  My plan was to quit smoking, then ween myself off dip.  However, from that time, I have dipped every day since.  I hid this from you for various reasons:

    1)   I didn’t want you to accept it as I never anticipated it lasting this long
                     a.   Your acceptance could have made it harder to quit and I didn’t deserve that
    2)   I didn’t want you to reject it and generate areas of conflict within our relationship

Ultimately, I knew how you felt about it and fact of the matter, I was ashamed.  I was ashamed for anyone to know, especially my kids.  Few people actually know I dip and have dipped, VERY few.

With this said, over the past 12 years, it has controlled me and taken my time and attention from you and the kids.  It has caused me to lie to you.  It has caused me to sneak around like a drug addict in order to get my “fix”.  For all of this, I truly do apologize.  I truly can’t appropriately state how ashamed it has made me.

When coming to grips that I had ZERO control over this situation … it was literally taking my family from me (both figuratively and potentially physically) … it had become an idol in my life and source of willful sin that has gone on ignored for entirely too long … it was an important consideration of my every decision … IT HAD TO GO!

Through the various studies of the past couple months, God revealed this sin to me.  I frankly never thought of it as such, however the mere fact that I let it drive my decisions and actions, somehow this dip became an overwhelming idol and sin in my life.  And it is a sin that I have determined to rid my life of as it had become a master of me.  Per Bro. John’s example last night, how can I be filled with the Holy Spirit if nicotine is all up in there?!?!   This sin has been kicked off the island!  Sadly, this is one of the primary reasons I chose not to become a deacon … go figure!

I realize this is something I can’t expect you to fully understand, though hope you can appreciate when I tell you.  Nicotine is a seemingly amazing drug which allows the stresses of life to simply fall away even if only for an hour or so.  But as seemingly great as this was and considering all the tough times in my life that it helped me through, this drug doesn’t and shouldn’t compare anywhere near you, Child 1, Child 2, and Child 3 … and Christ!  But the sad truth is that it did.  From this point forward, I re-devote my life to you, to our kids, and to my Savior.  I know this seems cheesy but I am forcing myself to write this out so there is no sugar coating the crappy situation it has put me in and in turn, has put you in.  I want you to understand that though this was a conscience decision for the past 12 years (which I accept responsibility for), this stuff is just nasty!  Regardless, it has simply been unfair to you and I can’t apologize enough.  Honesty and integrity are vitally important to me and looking back, just unsure how I justified compromising these to you for so long.

Anyhow, I ask that you please bear with me over the next 1-2 month(s).  I would imagine I will be experiencing some significant withdrawals and frankly not looking forward to it.  However, my desire to eliminate all of the negative items listed above far outweigh whatever suckiness I encounter in the coming days/weeks.  Bottom line, though tobacco and nicotine have been a part of my life for 26 years, they WILL NO LONGER be.

So in closing, I love you and hope that you can forgive me.  I can assure you that there are no other skeleton’s in this closet.  I ask for your support in kicking this vice.  Please let me know when I’m being too much … honestly and politely! 

Your Loving Husband,”

Aumegrad 530 quit as a free man!

[Aumegrad]

As I begin my second trip around the sun as a free man, I feel compelled to document a few things.  Mainly the fact that the past year was filled with new experiences and events, alongside all the typical and routine ho-hum events.  I was able to get through all these nicotine free.  Think of that, barring anything uniquely atypical, I have already sailed thru any event that comes my way as a free man.  That’s exciting to ponder.

Also of interest to me is the following ... I grew up camping and enjoyed it as a kid.  My wife mentioned many times over the past decade how nice it would be to get a travel trailer, or aka a ninja dippers nightmare!  I always gave a ridiculous reason why we couldn’t because I could never think of a creative way to dip without my wife and 3 kids finding out.  All the while thinking how great it would be for my family to travel and camp together.  Well, over the past year being nic free, I purchased a capable tow vehicle and the 30’ travel trailer.  We set out on our first trip a couple weekends ago and as if I couldn’t already write an essay on the pro’s of quitting, that trip solidified it.  We had a blast, kids had a blast, and I can’t describe the unity my family had for those 3 days.  No fighting kids and just pure happiness, the way life should be.  And to think, had I never quit nicotine, I would have never experienced this.  I look forward to the next several trips we already have planned.

If you’ve made it this far down this post and still contemplating quitting, all I can say is simply “DO IT”!  Bone up and do it.  That’s it.  Follow the protocol on this website and just quit.  It has revealed a new life for me that simply didn’t exist before.  I feel healthier and am happier.  Granted, even 371 days into my quit, I still crave.  But at this point, it is what it is.  I am quit and that is that.  The craves go as quickly as they come, but they do come.  And utilizing the tools I have picked up from this board, I combat them.

Anyhow, I am excited to see what this next trip around the sun has in store for me.  About the only thing I am confident of is that nicotine won’t be in ANY of the cards.  Eat a fat one, skoal!

Let’s quit guys, it’s kind of awesome!

Aumegrad 371 and smelling the roses

[Athan]

Goodness, I stand here at 317 days of outright freedom.  My, how time has flown.  It has been a while since I have documented my progress and figure now is as good a time as any. 

Much has changed since my last update at 150.  I’ve made it thru a Christmas, a couple trips to Vegas, a lot of golf, a few funerals, beach vacation, my own Sunday School class (studying used to be a major trigger), general highs and lows.  Out of all this, dip was never a variable in my equation of life.  Don’t get me wrong, there were many times of crave, but none were ever legitimate enough to cause me to even consider falling back on my word to my brothers.  WUPP has simply become my new way of life.  Texting brothers every morning is as common to me as that first sip of coffee.  It has all become a part of the new me.  So even as I continue going through these mental withdrawal symptoms, I know I will persevere.  I have spoken before about seeing a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel, but that light has become much brighter.  Not sure how long it take to get thru the tunnel, or if I ever will, but I can attest that each day has been better than the previous.  For instance on our recent beach trip, the additional time I had to catch crabs with the kids, drink coffee and chat with my wife, simply focus on happiness as opposed to my next hit, this is the way life should be ... the way God intended. 

Interestingly enough, I was texting with a quit brother today about the trails and tests Christians will endure.  And as James 1:2-4 and 1 Peter 1:3-9 states, these trials are necessary to perfect our faith leading to an imperishable and undefiled inheritance which is maintained by God.  On a much less ‘eternal’ scale, I view my quit much in this manner.  These craves and this battle’s refining me, improving and perfecting me for the reward of a more fruitful life of being a better husband, father, friend, ... etc.  So as you encounter these craves or mental fogs, don’t let them distress you.  As James would say “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, ...”(1:2).

Aumegrad 317 and its good to be quit!

Proud to be in the fight with you Johnathon!  Your guidance, support, and fighting attitude always strengthens my quit.  So glad that you are enjoying your family and life is treating you well!

My sentiments exactly.  God loves you so much that He uses you to bless others including myself.  Continually edified by your daily texts! 

[oldschool]

Goodness, I stand here at 317 days of outright freedom.  My, how time has flown.  It has been a while since I have documented my progress and figure now is as good a time as any. 

Much has changed since my last update at 150.  I’ve made it thru a Christmas, a couple trips to Vegas, a lot of golf, a few funerals, beach vacation, my own Sunday School class (studying used to be a major trigger), general highs and lows.  Out of all this, dip was never a variable in my equation of life.  Don’t get me wrong, there were many times of crave, but none were ever legitimate enough to cause me to even consider falling back on my word to my brothers.  WUPP has simply become my new way of life.  Texting brothers every morning is as common to me as that first sip of coffee.  It has all become a part of the new me.  So even as I continue going through these mental withdrawal symptoms, I know I will persevere.  I have spoken before about seeing a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel, but that light has become much brighter.  Not sure how long it take to get thru the tunnel, or if I ever will, but I can attest that each day has been better than the previous.  For instance on our recent beach trip, the additional time I had to catch crabs with the kids, drink coffee and chat with my wife, simply focus on happiness as opposed to my next hit, this is the way life should be ... the way God intended. 

Interestingly enough, I was texting with a quit brother today about the trails and tests Christians will endure.  And as James 1:2-4 and 1 Peter 1:3-9 states, these trials are necessary to perfect our faith leading to an imperishable and undefiled inheritance which is maintained by God.  On a much less ‘eternal’ scale, I view my quit much in this manner.  These craves and this battle’s refining me, improving and perfecting me for the reward of a more fruitful life of being a better husband, father, friend, ... etc.  So as you encounter these craves or mental fogs, don’t let them distress you.  As James would say “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, ...”(1:2).

Aumegrad 317 and its good to be quit!

Proud to be in the fight with you Johnathon!  Your guidance, support, and fighting attitude always strengthens my quit.  So glad that you are enjoying your family and life is treating you well!