FINALLY!!!
My struggles with nicotine have been well documented out here on KTC but hereÂ’s a short (for me) recap.
Started dipping Skoal Fine Cut with a friend in 8th grade. Continued all through High School with Skoal, Hawkins, RedMan, Levi Garret, what ever was around. I stayed with it through college with Skoal being my brand of choice and then all the way through my first marriage. It controlled my life in every way an addiction can control it. From my mood and actions to choosing it over time with family and friends. We’ve all been there but I’m not a good quitter at anything. I’m extremely competitive in every thing I do. I blame my two older brothers, with whom I had to compete with daily for my mother’s love, in sports and in school, for creating the monster that is Volp. I have this “All-or-Nothing” mentality that allows me to either, be really good at some thing or really “bad” as in the case of dipping. I don’t do shit half-assed and that holds true for chewing. It was almost a race for me to see how fast I could get through a 10-pack, no matter how much my lip was raw or how much my gums hurt. I had a stash and was going to use it as much as I could no matter what.
I had quit once when I was around 30 and I had stayed quit for 6 and half years and I didn’t miss it AT ALL. One night (before I knew of KTC) of poker at a friends changed everything for me. “Come on Curt, take one. Just one”. Well, you know the story. I dipped half his can that night and didn’t think much of it until the next week when I had a long drive to a sales call. “Well, why not just stop and get a can for the drive?” Which I did and from there I slowly built up to my deadly two-can-a-day habit. That lasted for another 6 years. During those last 6 years, my life with my second and present wife had changed from a care free romance to a cluster fuck of disfunction and it was pretty much all mine to own. I knew what was to blame so I tried to quit by myself like I had done 6 years earlier. I had absolutely NO luck doing it on my own so I began searching the internet for information on cancer and chewing. It wasn’t my intention to find a support group. I was just looking for info on how to quit. What I found was KTC. I read every thing about what to expect when quitting. I saw the cancer pix and read the “Jenny Tom Kern's Story”. Somehow I found the quit group and decided to sign up. This was around the middle of March 08. I was in the June 08 group and was greeted by some of the same brothers who are still out here banging out support. My attempt was short lived and before it really began, I had caved. I posted up about it and got blasted. What the fuck is going on here? Some fucker I’ve never met was cussing me out for being honest. Others showed support too but I just wasn’t ready to commit to the quit so I humbly stopped coming to the site and dove back, full-bore, into my habit.
6-months later I started getting pressure from my wife again and I knew I should quit so I came back to the site with my tail between my legs and my head on straight and posted in Dec 08. I had great success getting involved in the site and getting to know my quit brothers who were going through the same shit as me. I would post a potential trigger coming up and they would bombard me with support. Now this is what I had missed out on in my first group. I didn’t quite get it until my Dec group showed me what was up. (Not that June 08 wouldn’t have, I just wasn’t ready. ) We bonded as well as any group and reveled in Dolomites lovely avatar (the original official Bouncy). About half way to the Hall, I caved out without ONE call to a brother or text for help. Even though I knew any one of them would have dropped whatever the hell they where doing in order to help a fellow brother, but I didn’t do it. The cave and the fact that I posted roll after the cave shook the foundation of the group and I figured I’m just no good at this and can’t hurt another group with my idiocy. I needed time (again) to get up the determination for a quit.
After much prodding from my former brothers in Dec 08, I decided to post, in March 09. I posted and helped fellow quitters with PM’s and positive posts as much as I could but wasn’t as strong as I should have been and threw away another quit and a chance to redeem myself.
Fast-forward again to June 09. Through all the caving and joining groups and caving, I would keep coming to the site to see my former brother reach all their HOF dates and some of them twice (Tfurrh). I was honestly very proud of each one of them. During these visits, someone like Kdip, Dolomite or Greg40 would catch me lurking and PM me about posting day 1. This was major for me in that I would still be supported after all my failed attempts. I decided to do it right this time. I would get overly involved, post every thing I could regardless of how stupid (sorry Sept.) and use my numbers to call someone in need or for when I was feeling weak. ItÂ’s hard as shit for me to admit how stupid I am and that I need help in the first place let alone having to type out my past history and caves but it was necessary to be part of the group. Once I posted day 1 in September, my inbox was literally flooded with support from all the groups I had let down in the past and before I knew it, my September brothers where PMÂ’ing me as well. IÂ’ve actually had a blast getting to know my September brothers and posting here daily, but I realize that even though the first 100 days is now behind me, there is a lifetime of quitting to do. It wonÂ’t be easy but will definitely be easier with all my brothers watching my back.
I have gone through hell getting to this point in my life and couldnÂ’t imagine going back to what I was before knowing KTC and itÂ’s outstanding members. There are so many bad ass quitters to thank but I would like to call a few out personally. They, in no way, include everyone who played a part in my quit and theyÂ’re in no particular order so I hope no one is offended.
animal5473 - Dean, I donÂ’t know if youÂ’ll ever read this but you had a HUGE impact on my quit. Thank you Brother.
Sept 09’ I’d like to thank “all” of my September brothers but call out a few special (Ed) individuals who helped me stay quit.
MDG Welding - My first PM and numbers from a September brother. You always remember your first. Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
Flashman - One sick and creative Mutha with a twisted mind and a commitment to all quitters. I couldnÂ’t have enjoyed it more. Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
Bscar - Again, one sick puppy, and I loved it. IÂ’m glad you manned up and rejoined us. Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
Vidocq - Kept it real and a strong Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
Ironman - First one to notice I was quoting Metallica every morning for roll. Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
CFJ - A fellow Metal Head. IÂ’ll teach you how to correctly use quotes if you need help. Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
XDipperDave - Thank you for your sacrifice to our country and quitting with us. Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
keniomaha - Still envious of your avitar but I never had any game with the ladies anyways so enjoy it while you can. Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
Chad - Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
Snuffy - Love The Hoff. Bad Ass quitter..Thank you Brother.
Dec. 08Â’ You guys have been the rock upon which I have stood until I could stand on my own for others.
Kdip - Your tenacious PMÂ’s meant that there were people in this world much more forgiving than I and that I would always be supported. Sorry I rocked your quit in Dec. Thank you Brother.
Greg40 - Your PMÂ’s and inquires helped me realize that I could do this and still had something to prove. Thank you Brother.
Dolomite - Aside from being head over heals in love with your avatar, you have always been here for me. Thank you Brother.
quit_aug_27_08 - You made me toughen up and prove I was worthy. Thank you Brother.
Last Chance - Thanks for the PMÂ’s, support and the daily bouncers in Dec. Thank you Brother.
Ranteam - Your “Take no shit” attitude inspired me more than once. Thank you Brother.
Kd4jet - IÂ’m lumping you in with December so deal with it already. Your quiet words of wisdom and bouncing avatar have made me both a stronger quitter and a randy soul. Thank you Brother.
And the rest of the Bouncer in December that I disappointed. Thank you for one more chance.
March 09Â’ Thanks for the support.
Tfurrh- You and I have a lot in common. IÂ’m so happy youÂ’re staying with it and IÂ’m glad to have quit with you...twice. Thank you Brother.
Thanks to the rest of March who were there posting and supporting.
I tried to get all. If I overlooked someone, I apologize.
Volp (Curt)
