This feels surreal. I remember thinking on Day 1 or 2 that 100 seemed like a lifetime away.
The first night I joined the site I was talking to JustQuit, Mule21 and Kd4Jet in chat. I remember them asking if I had a dip in at that moment. I was honest and said yes. I was asked to ditch it out of respect for them while in the chat room. I remember taking the dip out and having an odd sesation run over me. I knew that was it. Not because someone asked me to, but because I was ready. I made the decision. Something drove me to searching Google that day and finding KTC. I spent about two hours in chat with them then drove to the store and got some fake stuff. I gotta be honest, I was scared. Seeing this site existed and that there were others who were going through the same thing I was about to embark on, set my mind at ease a little.
That was a Sunday.
The next day when I got to work I felt pretty decent. Around an hour later the fog started rolling in. As much as I read and talked to others about it, I am not sure there is anything that can prepare someone for staring at the wall like a retard for over an hour. The fog lasted around 2 weeks with some nice afterglow rocking for another couple weeks. I actually told my boss on Day 1 that I was quit. I apologized that I would be almost 100% useless through the rest of the week. He was actually pretty cool about it and supported me. Urges came and left within a few minutes. I stayed true to myself and to the promise I made every single day I posted roll on this site.
So 600ish posts and 100 days later, here I am. Quit. I won't give you some bullshit about "if I can do it so can you". Everyone is different. You may have dipped for 20 years longer than me and your quit might be easier than mine. You may have only dipped for a couple years and your quit may be seriously worse. I can only offer you this... Quit because YOU want to. Make that decision because YOU want to. Be honest to yourself and be accountable to yourself. This site is what YOU decide to make of it, but at the end of the day, if YOU aren't accountable to yourself...you will probably fail. I tried to help a friend of mine quit. He has successfully failed twice because he hasn't fully made the decision and he is okay with lying to himself. Perhaps one day he will see there is a path that works if he is ready.
I was told two things in the beginning of my quit that stuck with me:
1. Take what you want from this site and ignore the rest
2. If you want to share your thoughts on someone - do it in your HOF speech
There are some definate re-re's here. I am more interested in listing the following people who helped saved my life:
JustQuit, Mule21, Kd4Jet (thanks for the 'boob'), Ready, Monty, Matty35, Kid, Hoss, Skoal Monster (you're funny as hell), NMC (the mediator), Chewie (thanks for this site!), Jrod (Ed is still a douche biscuit though), Bubblehed (Thanks for bringin back the choo choo), and my quit group May09 (thanks for dealing with my OCD)
Thank you. I will remember you all for the rest of my life. It might just be a little longer now.
If you are a new quitter reading this and need someone quality to talk to, seek out one of the above people. You won't regret it.
I do believe that tough love helps to a certain degree. I also believe that being an asshole for no other reason that to just be an asshole - does NOT help. There are a few on this site. There are a few here that have honestly made me want to dip again. Only because of the decision I made - and my committment to myself (and May09) did I stay quit. I'll gladly share a list with you if you'd like to PM me. These are people I would avoid conversations with out of fear you might lose IQ points. I am sure they know who they are, and I hope they understand they are driving people away from the site.
Many of you questioned my reasoning for organizing the May 09 roll call in numerical order. To put this to rest once and for all I will explain it. Although I am OCD, this is not the main reason. This organization started Feb 20, 2009, 9:15 am. I was on Day 20 of my quit and other than knowing that Matty35 and I had formed a brotherhood for txting accountability, I didn't recognize when other brothers in May were missing from roll. By putting the roll in an organized manor we all knew who we were supposed to be posting around. I also post a list of original May '09 members to help keep track of our flock. No one asked me to do any of this. No one elected me anything. I did this out of respect for my quit and for the quit of my brethren. No one was standing up and leading our group...and it was hard to pay attention to the conversations happening. I noticed we were missing posts by people asking for help. So I stood up. You still have a problem with it? Go fuck a duck.
I would like to go on the record and disagree with 95% of the people here though. I do not blame UST for MY addiction. I can't fault UST for selling a product that makes them money. That to me is like blaming Apple for how much I love my iPhone. I am my own person. I chose to use smokeless tobacco. No more. I will not be a slave to that addiction any longer. I now choose life...and my iPhone:) You may not agree with me. That's fine.
I am also going to take a moment to recognize someone. We lost a brother during our quit. Qferret took his own life during his battle with smokeless tobacco. I am not sure what his reasons were, whether related to dipping or not. I spent quite a bit of time in chat with him and he was doing pretty good this time around, and I can only believe this would have been the quit that stuck. He battled with his quit starting in August of 2008 (on this site). Let's be honest here though...
Qferret chose the pussy way out. His choice reminded me that we only get one shot at this life and using something like copenhagen will only shorten my time here. Fuck that. I choose to not shorten my time here. I am quit.
I will never say I am quit forever though. I can't let my guard down like that. I am quit for today. I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow gets here.
I am an addict. I will live the rest of my life as an addict. I will die an addict. But I am a dip free addict, just for today.
GO REDSOX.
