A few days into my quit, a grizzled vet told me I was an addict. Talk about an epiphany moment. To clarify, let me tell you about myself. I have been a cop for 10 years in three states. I have worked the jail side, courts, patrol, bicycle patrol, plainclothes anti-crime team, and now detectives. Had he told me I was an ADDICT to my face, I would have punched him in the mouth. Then I started thinking about it, and realized that I AM and addict!
I would primarily dip outside of the house but you all know how that turns into dipping while taking a shit, sneaking around trying to get one in whenever possible and all the typical ninja dipping bullshit. As I thought about how I acted, I realized that I was an addict the same as a heroin or meth addict. I needed that dip so bad, to feel right, relieve stress whatever.
I know there's lots of other cops in here and I hope they will agree with me. The number one thing a cop does to maintain his or her safety is to try and control whatever situation they are in. Generally speaking, people don't call the cops when they are having a good day or when something good happened to them. It's pretty much always the other way around. A bad person did something bad to them, and now its up to us to either catch the bad guy or resolve the situation. So, since we can't just shoot everyone who gives us a hard time or wants to fight us, we use certain control tactics to manage what is going on around us. What I realized was this: I was able to control situations at work to ensure my safety, but I gave up control of my own health and safety to some dried leaves in a tin. What cemented the quit for me was realizing I was not 100% in control of myself because I was allowing nicotine to control me. That is why I thought Gladiator was a good metaphor for our group. We were slaves fighting for our freedom. To me, that's what its all about, and I will never be enslaved again.
A lot of quitters on here helped me get this far, I can only hope to do the same for a new quitter. I want to thank S I G, MOA, TCOPE, Gator, Tarpon, Luke, TQ, Diehard and everyone else who looked after me, especially the crazies in Chat, even Colton.. I owe you all my life and I love you in the way only those who have faced death together can love.
Dan
