Just Quit
Honestly 101 days ago I didn't even know if it was possible to quit dipping, I had been telling myself a lie so long that my dipping wasn't hurting anyone but me and I needed my dip to keep me in check in everyday life, you see I was what is refereed to as a "ninja dipper" on this site. I thought I was alone and no one else was like me in the fact that I was hiding my addiction from my family. About 4 years ago my wife discovered that I was still dipping, I had quit many times in my life, sometimes for over a year at a time but every time I tried it again I was right back into my habit. I really didn't like being controlled by my addiction but up until this point I didn't realize that I was an addict. I always had the desire to stop dipping but until I was able to accept the fact that I was a junkie, I was not really ready to kick my addiction.
I am not a "computer person" so if 101 days ago someone had told me that a group of people on line would help me make the best decision in my life, I would have thought they were crazy, but here I am believing in myself and my friends on this site. This website has been a wonderful tool in my quit, Imagine a group of people in this world that were going through the exact same thing I was, not judging me but supporting me, what a wonderful thing. Honestly you hear a lot about "you have to quit for yourself" on this site, which is partially true in my opinion, the main thing I think is that you have to want to quit, no matter what your reasons are you have to want it! I have wanted to quit for some time now, I just didn't know exactly why or how to go about it. I quit for my family! Sure I wanted to quit because I knew I was a slave to my addiction and nothing good was coming from my being a junkie, but mainly I quit for my loving wife and my four beautiful daughters.
Honestly with my family in mind quitting hasn't been that hard for me this time around, being ready to quit is the answer. The first two weeks were hell on me, going through the physical withdrawal of the nicotine. I seriously thought I had split personalty disorder the first two weeks because one part of my brain was always trying to justify why I shouldn't quit with all the typical lies an addict tells themselves, but luckily my sane half was always there to remind myself that I really wanted to not be a slave to addiction any more. Another thing that really affected my quit was I read the Jenny Kern letter and the Tom Kern story almost daily for the first two weeks to remind me that "it doesn't matter what your chances of getting cancer are if you are the one that gets it" what a shocking thought! Really think about that statement for a minute then ask yourself if it is worth the risk. I have never thought of myself as much of a gambler, yet I chose to gamble with my life everyday for much of my life. You have to make a decision to just quit to better your life. There are so many thoughtful and moving articles on this site, my advise is read everything you can and revisit the ones often that have the most impact to you.
Just quit, sounds simple enough huh? If you put your mind to it and trust in yourself it is simple, sure you are going to have some rough patches but there are rough patches in everyday life regardless if you are an addict or not. One major obstacle I overcame after my first two weeks was realizing that every time I had a bad day it wasn't necessarily "dip" related, you need to realize that sometimes you are going to just have a bad day, don't always be so quick to attribute your not having your crutch any more to everything that presents it's self as an obstacle to you. I know as addicts we have learned to believe that dip made everything bearable but that simply is not true, dip made us numb to the world. And that my friend is no way to live!
Now for my thanks
Most of all I want to thank my wonderful wife Jen, I am sorry for those first two weeks!
Timonesock, Bryan, Porter, YooperZ, Sheriff, Larry, Lonewolf, Snuggles, Copehater, DNM, Offshore Mike, FP, Beavman, SB, Killer, 7iron, Hagen Junkie, Flav, All my MAYniacs and everyone else who helped me along the way thank you very much for being there, I have met some of the best friends I have ever known here.
