POSTED ORIGINALLY AUGUST 30, 2016
101 days ago, the idea of being quit was just that, an idea. Hell, I have thousands of fleeting ideas a day.
101 days ago, I was a slave but convinced myself otherwise
101 days ago, I actually believed that no one other than me knew what it was like
101 days ago, I had resolved to the fact that I would die with a dip in my mouth
101 days ago, I was on a path that led only down an addict’s highway.
100 days ago, I decided to take my life back.
The day I quit:
I was at work sitting in my office and my anxieties were slightly heightened. No idea why. I hadn’t been feeling that good lately and I had recently been taking stock of life. Mind you, I had a dip in my lip while this is taking place. I always had a dip in. Coincidently, while this is taking place, a news ticker comes up about Tony Gwynn. Here’s a little something interesting about me. I do not have the ability to read, hear, watch or be involved in anything that has to do with someone dying of cancer. It freaks me out so bad that I go into a full blown panic. I have never read Terry’s story. Not possible. Can’t do it. The thought alone is more effective than reading it. Petrified to the point of paralyzation. Back to the news ticker. I see a pic of Tony Gwynn. I almost pass out at my desk. I have a set of hot flashes like Cher in a botox den. I dizzily get out of my chair, walk out to my loading dock, remove the chew from my lip and throw my tin in the dumpster. I actually had the same plastic tin for 2 years and I would always fill it. That’s how nutz it was. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Breaking up after 32 years never ends well.
It was at that point I said “I am ready”. That also became the title of my intro.
You see, I was never “ready” before. Sure, I knew I needed to quit, I knew it sucked the life-force outta’ me, I knew it was killing me. Like most of us here, I romanticized about it. It was the one thing that was a constant, it never let me down. It was there to hold my hand through the good times and bad, talking to me in that low, demonic voice. “What’s that you say? Had a bad day? It’s ok Davey boy…just toss me in yer lip and it’ll all be ok. There ya’ go..” or “What’s that you say?! You had a great day? Well, just a pinch will make it even better! Hell! We can call it a celebratory dip!”. I believed all of this!! That voice still scratches in my brain but now I have the tools to combat it.
The first thing I did was frantically grab my Iphone and search for Apps to quit chewing. All I found was stupid stuff. Yellow sticky pad stuff. I needed more. Like, Sasquatch with a baseball bat more. This was serious crap! It was that day that I realized how crazy addicted I was. To the web I went, because that’s where we go for everything. That’s where I bought my dip. That’s where I’ll go to stop. A few sites came up but nothing that looked like it could work for me. Then I saw KTC. I read. I read some more. “Hey..There’s a bunch of guys just like me..” I saw how serious it was and what happened to cavers. “There is no effin’ way I’m signing up for that on day one. Not a chance”. I got through 3 days on my own and posted roll. I jacked roll, I questioned some rules, I trolled the other groups.
I’m no idiot (I’m grateful that you jack-arses can’t post a reply to that statement in the HOF posts!), but I look back now and wonder how I could knowingly do something so harmful for so long.
This is the part of the HOF speech that changes from “I” to “We”. There is absolutely, positively no way this could have been done by myself. Not a chance. The success of my quit is 100% owed to the collective souls in KTC (some past, some present. RIP Trauma). I put my quit in their hands like they put theirs in mine. Helping their quit only reinforced mine.
I feel the need to name a few people. There are others, however, that helped and you are not forgotten.
J-Heff and PKY- I truly believe humor is and will be all we have left at the end of the day.
MNX- you made me realize that being addicted to KTC was the only way to be.
Paul-San, Nixon and Triggerhappy- You were the first guys to reach out to me. I knew I was where I needed to be.
Northern- Thanks to you, I will never cave, because after what I dished out to you, I know that I never want that done to me. Way to stick with it.
My August group- Thank you thank you thank you and I leave you this;
I’m so quit! Does anyone know how quit I am?
I’m 100 days quit and free. Free from the lies, the bull and the raft of crap that came along with it.
After 100 days, I now feel I have the right to say, “I don’t use tobacco”.
101 days ago I was an addict. Today, I am still an addict..I’m just not actively trying to kill myself.
God bless everyone on this site.
Side note/Thought of the day..
Has anyone ever watched those shows about animals, say on, the Discovery channel? Ever see the one how the ants cultivate the plants because they need them to survive? How, in God’s creation, did a plant evolve so that when a human comes in contact with it, said human will guarantee its continued existence? It’s biological genius, right? Think about it. The tobacco plant will never become extinct as long as there are humans because it has guaranteed that it will be saved. We pollute air, water and everything else, but we will absolutely make sure that plant is growing until the day we die.
Charles Darwin would agree that tobacco has sealed its place in the future for a very long time.
I, for one, hope it becomes extinct.
