After 30 freakin years of putting cope and cope long cut in my mouth, this 46 year old has just reached 2400!!! Some hours were easier than others but each one was worth it!
It's still not easy. Just two nights ago I found myself visiting a high school buddy and standing in front of a counter in 7-11. I bought a grape tootsie pop while he bought tobacco. I can't hide from my former life but I can minimize the exposure to the trigger events. What I've found in return is so much more valuable. My quality time with my children and expecially my wife is fantastically richer. Not just for them but for me. Because the specter of needing a gosh damn dip is no longer hanging in the air, I am so much more in the present and engaged with everybody. I'm so much more relaxed now that I don't have to constantly be thinking around the next corner, figuring out when my next dip comes. I can just get on an airplane without the elaborate preparations of getting the right size coffee cup and window seat so I can dip in flight. I could go on practically forever with the upside. My kids only half believe my quit is real and that I've not had one sliver of nicotine in 100 days but they'll eventually come to believe.
I still come to this site and will continue to every morning as my homepage. It's a strong reminder that the bitch is always out there and to never let my guard down. I'll reach out now and again and if you want to gain some support, I'm here for you.
ITB (in the bonds),
Jim
