Early on in my quit I wrote this:
"I am a young adult, 23 years old to be exact. To the naked eye one would perhaps see in me a smart, motivated, level-headed young man. He has a degree. He has a wife. He's got that shit together. He is in control. Looks can be deceiving. Inside I am a train-wreck. I am a school bus fire. My mind a shattered vase. I am a sick dog on a chain. I am a slave. Have been since I was 15 years old.
I constantly wonder when I'm going to feel inside the way people perceive me on the outside. When was I going to feel like I was the one in the driver seat; not a passenger to my carnal desires. I wanted to mature, to grow, to become a responsible person who does what he wants, when he wants. I know something has to give. I have to quit. Really QUIT. Right now, for good.
I am quit now 24 Days. I am quit because I refuse to not be in control of my own body; my own mind and soul. This drug cuts deep. It gouges the will of the man, rendering his own thoughts and desires useless; second to the desires of the mad cries of the craving brain.
I quit because I have one life to live. A mother to take care of when she can do so no longer. A baby sister to keep an eye on...look out boys, big bro's here. A brother, who'd not know the pains of addiction to this drug if it weren't for me, who needs to be shown that YOU CAN QUIT. And most of all a Wife. A beautiful women who, for some reason, puts up with MY shit daily, loves me unconditionally, and makes our house a home. The future mother to our children, and rock of our family. I Will NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT subject her to the inevitable fate that awaits me if I continue using the drug. She will not bury me with a can in my pocket."
Now I sit here writing this, my Hall of Fame Speech, 127 days since I last used nicotine in any way, shape, or form. I am proud. Damn proud. I mean c'mon, there are fewer things in this world more difficult than breaking the addiction to nicotine...And I've done it! 127 Days. Now, credit where credit is due. Killthecan.org. Thank you. The Kern Family, IUChewie, Theo, BamaDan, Klark, Captain, TortillaJesus, SamCat!!!, Gator, Ready, Flashman....All the fine quitters who've crossed paths with me on this amazing journey, from the bottom of my heart, Thank You. Most of all my God who strengthens me and who will not let me fail.
I wish I could tell a prospective young quitter that quitting was easy. It was far from easy. For years I tried to quit on my own. Tried everything on the shelf. It was not until I found KTC that I was able to make it stick. A man can really find out how much his word is worth in the KTC process. It is not easy, but boy is it worth it! Now I look forward to sharing the message of Quit with others. I feel so fortunate to have this new lease on life. I plan to post roll and continue to be involved in the site.
To all you fine quitters out there...I'm honored to stand beside you as we stick it to UST. Proud to be a bonafide HOFER!!!!
CC
