My name is Mike Land and I have been an addict for 36 years. 36 years!! It really is hard for me to understand that I WAS a slave to the can for 3/4 of my life. I try to wrap my head around this fact but it just isn't happening for me. So I choose to not dwell on this fact. Instead I CHOOSE to move forward from this moment and not look back. I have come to understand over the last 106 days that beating myself up over the past will not serve any good purpose. Moving forward is our only option.
A short history: I first started using tobacco back in 1978-79 when I was in the ninth grade. Alot of the older football players chewed and so did most of the coaches. I looked up to them and wanted to be like them. So I tried the leaf tobacco. It didn't make me sick so I kept doing it. A short time later I started using Skoal Wintergreen in the waxed cardboard can with the tin lid. It was cheaper and I liked it better. From the moment that I started using Skoal I was a can per day user. It was cheap. It wasn't that hard to scrape up 65 cents to go buy a tin everyday. fast forward 5 years to college. I was a mathematics and engineering student. I had to study alot. Under the misunderstanding that I couldn't do anything without a dip, especially studying, I began to use more and more dip. At one point I was sometimes using 3 cans per day.
I continued to use skoal until it got to almost $4 a can, I switched to Redseal. It was cheaper and had more in the can than a tin of skoal. But I continued to use 2 cans per day. I did this until October of 2007. I came home from a hunting trip out west and was met with a package from the ex bitch that said she didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. Say hello to major depression. I wasn't worried about her. I was worried about how this was going to affect my son. Some how I figured that if I quit dipping, she hated it, we would get back to gether and we would be a family again. My STOP lasted until June 2008. Notice I said stop.
You see, I didn't quit for me.. I quit for everything except me. When I realized that the reason's I stopped were not going to happen things changed. One day for some reason I don't remember I thought I could have just one small dip. Within a week I was back to 2 cans aday and that continued until 106 days ago.
I fell for the nic bitch whispering in my ear that I could handle it. I wasn't an addict anymore. I hadn't had a dip in 9 months. I could have just one. I listened. I bought a can. My STOP was done.
In November 2012. I had had enough. I developed a sore throat that wouldn't go away. I was scared into quitting. I had it checked out. It ended up not being anything. I still wanted to quit. I did a google search on quitting dip. I found KTC. I believe in a higher power. I believe with all my heart that it led me to this site. I was hooked on the site from day one. I read everything on the site. I read I don't know how many introductions, HOF speeches, cancer stories. If it was on the site I read it. The stories I read sounded very similar to mine. I was convinced I could do this.
On November 24, 2012 I took my last dip at about 6PM. I haven't looked back since. Thanks to the guys on KTC and the accountability partners that I have acquired I have been able to stay quit for 106 days. I know without a doubt that without guys like mfkuss, sportsfan231, Taz, and bigwhitebeast checking in on me and holding me accountable to the group, I would have failed.
The Relationships built on this site, and the accountability that comes with those relationships is what makes this site work. I'm so thankful that I was lead to this site. I plan to be a part of KTC for a long time to come. I don't want to be one of those guys who just drifts away after reaching the first milestone of 100 days and the HOF. I feel reasonably certian that if I do drift away I will end up caving. That is the last thing I want.
So, I will stick around. I will continue to post every day and occasionally post a few rambling thoughts about my quit and hope that some how that post will help someone else with their quit. I believe in paying it forward. A ton of guys have helped me. Even a guy in my group who caved a few days ago was a big help to me. I called him the other day. I tried to encourage him. I believe he will be back. And I will be there to help him along the way.
I look forward to heading to PA in August and to Tybee Island next year and to other quitter meets that come up. It will be nice to meet the people who have been a big part of my quit face to face and shake their hand.
Thanks Brothers and Sisters. Stay focused on your quit. The nic bitch is lurking in the shadows and she will pounce when you are at your weakest. Always be on guard!
Mike
