I've lost track of how many times I've tried to quit. I'm 38 now. Started dipping in the Army around 20. The longest I've quit was probably about 6 months. I've tried a site like this in the past. Honestly, I really am not a fan of the daily roll call where you have to constantly revisit this habit. ItÂ’s important to stay vigilant but I donÂ’t think keeping nicotine at the forefront in my mind has ever really helped me that much. But hey, nothing else has worked much for me either. I actually had this huge journal entry that I had prepared mainly as a source of power for myself. I wanted to share it here but it doesn't really seem like the place to do so. It seems as though I'm limited to an introduction and can't really post anything as substantial as I'd like. But then I decided.. f*ck it. I will post it in the introduction and probably break some forum rule and if you hate it, hate it. But this is my mindset at the moment...
Day 1:
Break the habit. Every morning after the first cup of coffee is when cravings are the worst. IÂ’ve noticed that after about 8 hours after the last dip is when the mind starts really plotting on the next fix. When I have that first cup of coffee in the morning, there is something about the caffeine that really activates my brainÂ’s abilities to manipulate me. IÂ’ve also noticed that I can go longer without dipping on the weekends. Often I can put off dipping until about noon where as on a weekday, IÂ’m manipulated into getting a dip on the way in to work. I think itÂ’s because I know that once I get to work, I will be powerless to leave and go get a dip (although that seldom stops me from leaving work to go get one; I can get to the store and back in 15 minutes or less).
ItÂ’s really true that the first 24 hours are the hardest. If I have one calendar day between the present day and the last time I dipped, itÂ’s much easier to overcome the cravings after that. Even though my will power against quitting has been whittled down so much over the years, there is still enough shame of disappointment to prevent me from sliding back after IÂ’ve made it 24 hours. If I make it 24 hours I can almost always make it further. From that point, itÂ’s really just mental.
So with this information, itÂ’s clear that the real battle is only 24 hours in length. ItÂ’s true that the struggle is much longer than that but the most critical part is D-Day. So if I normally wake up and meditate while drinking my coffee, on day one, donÂ’t do that. Wake up and do something different to break the mold. Maybe run. Or watch the news. Or lift weights and watch the news. Or watch a movie. Nothing too tedious. But you have to break the mold.
One concept that I’ve always thought was very helpful was the notion of “feel that pain and let it wash over you.” Recognize the pain. Recognize the manipulation at work inside your head. It’s really quite amazing how the addiction can manipulate your emotions. But witness this as a bystander; not as an addict. Step aside from your craving and marvel at it; imagine what you would be capable of if you could harness that power for something of your own will.
As I write this, I’m coming off a strong relapse. I had went without dipping for a few months before I got my new job and a little while afterwards. One day, simply out of boredom and a desire to “add an extra layer of reality” I relapsed. Then I quit again a couple times for short periods and then quit quite successfully for a couple weeks. One thing I have learned is that there is no such thing as just one dip. You can’t have just one no matter how long you’ve quit. It simply isn’t possible. I know this. I’ve known this the last few times I picked the habit back up but I thought for some reason that it was possible that one time (or those hundred times really). It’s not. There is no such thing as just one dip. So anyhow, at this point, I’ve finally got myself to the point of 2 or 3 dips a day. It is at this level that I’ve been most successful in quitting. The only way that I can accomplish this level of nicotine is to buy a can, take one dip, and throw the can away. The moment I decide to keep the can to save money is the moment that I succumb to nicotine. As expensive as this technique is to execute, it has been the only successful way I’ve found to wean myself off. Another technique I’ve used to get to this point is to leave my wallet and phone at home. This requires a bit of planning and there is always the very likely chance that just as you leave for the day, the internal dialogue to have just one dip today will manipulate you into grabbing your wallet right at the last minute. I’ve also noticed that the day prior, I never get around to packing a lunch and sincerely planning out the logistics of the next day (filling up the tank with gas etc.) Additionally, it’s quite possible nowadays to use your phone as an ATM card to withdraw cash and I know all of the gas stations that will sell me dip without ID since I frequent them so much. Anyhow…. so here I am today. I am at the point where I’m not certain that I can do this alone. After so many failed attempts, I feel as if my brain is hardwired to relapse. But I don’t really have an external source of strength to draw from. I’ve tried gimmicks such as setting my phone’s lock screen image as my family members; I’ve shaken my daughter’s hand in her sleep as a promise to not dip… but nicotine always finds an excuse to make it okay to break these promises. It’s as if I’m not in control. It’s as if I’m on auto-pilot and I make excuses such as “if I don’t have some nicotine; I’m going to be an asshole today and ruin my relationship with someone I care about or I’ll say something a little too aggressive without thinking at work.” In actuality, this energy to speak my mind is probably a good thing. Most of the time when I’m on nicotine, I feel like a sheep. It’s as if I’m comfortably numb and complacent; I lack passion, motivation, and ambition.
Another thing that IÂ’ve noticed is that if I donÂ’t make a sincere attempt to quit and make a half-assed attempt at trying to ceremoniously cast nicotine out of my life, relapse is certain. IÂ’ve found itÂ’s very important to think long and hard about day one. If my attitude is cavalier the day before quit day, I will not succeed. It takes a lot of mental energy and preparedness to make it past day one, which is why IÂ’m writing out this plan.
Again, the most challenging period is the first 24 hours. Keys to success are:
Break the habit: No coffee in the morning. Do something different
Embrace the suck: Feel the pain and let it wash over you. Marvel at the strength of the craving but do so as a witness to the power and not as the victim
Avoid Stress: However, at the same time, recognize that the power of addiction is so strong at times that it can certainly will you towards stressful situations as a tactic to trigger a relapse. That shit is real and you know it. I call this artificial stress.
Take it one hour at a time: There are 24 hours in a day. Eight of those (ideally) are sleep. A good chunk of that is work or some other activity where getting a dip is simply not logistically possible. Which leaves just a few handful of hours where you have the opportunity to slip away and score some nicotine. These moments are where your determination must be unshakeable. These are the moments where you have to recognize the power of your addiction and outsmart it.
Drink lots and lots of water (or Sportsdrinks if you donÂ’t mind the sugar) - The extra hydration will assist in expelling the nicotine and also serve as a reminder throughout the day that you are working towards a goal
At the end of the day, recognize that your failure to quit so far doesnÂ’t indicate that your willpower is weak. On the contrary, the fact that it is so uncommonly difficult to quit for you specifically is because your will is so strong. It has just been unfortunate though, that this strength has come under the control of your addiction and not your own consciousness.
Day 2 and beyond:
Making it past day 1 is a huge psychological accomplishment for me. They say that nicotine is in your system for 72 hours and after that, itÂ’s all mental. For me, I truly think that after day one, itÂ’s 100% mental. However, on day 2+, it is still important to keep the morning routine switched up. I would say for the first 5 days to do something totally different each day so as not create an opportunity for nicotine to re-enter. You can aid yourself with gum or sunflower seeds if youÂ’d like but itÂ’s really just a matter of applying the basics from day one, but the cravings shouldnÂ’t be as bad.
Day 7 and beyond:
About 3 weeks into quit is where the I start feeling what I call the emptiness. The best way to describe this feeling is that it feels as if there is a hole in your head; a void. There is this persistent feeling that something is missing in your life. Even though your circulation is improving and you are starting to regain your motivation in life, there is an ever present feeling that life is too mundane. If you could just add some extra layer of purpose to this life, you could cast those grey clouds away. ItÂ’s this feeling that has often been a trigger for me to relapse. For many people, itÂ’s an especially stressful situation. IÂ’ve had my share of relapses due to those moments as well. But many times, its purely because I was trying to fill this void in my life. And as I mentioned above, I thought that I was strong enough to simply have one dip. This has never been the case and I donÂ’t believe it ever will. I havenÂ’t really made it to this point that often so I am not full of any great ideas of how to overcome it. I have taken to meditation that last couple of months, however, and IÂ’m starting to realize that this just may be the technique I need to vanquish this feeling of emptiness. Meditation allows me to take a moment to focus within and look at my life from a 35000 foot view. I also think that you should definitely plan to take up a hobby when you start feeling this way. There are so many things that IÂ’ve said IÂ’d like to take up as hobbies but have lacked the ambition to follow up on, mainly because nicotine always came first. I have a few in mind that IÂ’d like to dabble in once that I see the slightest hint of that grey cloud that is sure to come.
