So it's day 4, and I figured I'd introduce myself on here. I've been posting roll and have spent a whole lot of time on the chat boards. Well my name is Mike, I just turned 26,grew up in Chicago but now live in Michigan, and I've been chewing for probably about 8 years or so. Had a few pinches before that, but didn't get hooked on it until I was about 18. Weird thing, is that even before I did it for the first time, I just remember hearing about it in health class way before it and just thinking, "well that's something I can probably get into". Now I grew up in chicago, and almost nobody chewed, not like rural places where many of my college teammates were from, but as a wrestler i had to make weight and when I was told that something made me poop more and eat less.....well that was music to my ears.
I was a young looking guy, still am, so putting a lip in somehow made me feel like I belonged with guys my age. None of these make any sense right now, and if I had a time machine, I'd go back and kick the crap out of my teenage self, but I'm assuming this is the same story mentioned by many others on this board.
well I always said that I'd quit anytime I wanted, and if I ever had a scare of any kind I'd quit. Well having a mom who had cancer, when she found out I was dipping it broke her heart. Bless her, she and my dad did everything they could to get me not to do it, but I was pretty set on killing myself I guess. I didn't quit, I just got better at hiding it from them when I went home. They think I quit like 6 years ago, but that's not true, obviously. Everytime I go home I have vivid dreams about getting caught and check/recheck my car to see if I left a spitter out. They'd come to my college wrestling meets and I'd hide in between teammates so they couldn't find me with a lipper in.
After years of dipping, starting to get up to about a half tin a day, being late to stuff so I could have a dip, spending money I didn't have, spending money I did have but shouldn't have spent, and wasting many chances to get laid because I threw a lipper back in on the way to my place....I still never had a real reason to quit. That until I met the girl of my dreams. Does she drive me nuts, sure, But she's everything I ever wanted and her main goal in life is to make me happy (the feeling is mutual fyi). In addition to saying I'd quit when I had a scare, I also said when I had a girl who was worth quitting and she wanted me to, I would. Well, even after telling my girlfriend I chewed, did it in front of her, had to explain why I still chew even though my closest Uncle died of cancer in the throat (he didn't smoke or chew), I still didn't quit.
Well a week or so ago, I was driving home to Chicago to celebrate my birthday. I felt a slight pain in my jaw, I passed it off as sleeping on my jaw the wrong way (I mean, wtf brain?). Well a couple days went by and it still hurt. So on the long 7 hour drive, my brain began to wander to the worst places. At a gas station, I checked my mouth and everything looked like cancer, I threw up. I got in the car, tossed the half tin out the window somewhere on I-75, and decided to quit right then and there. I began to imagine putting my girlfriend through the guilt of staying with me while I have half my face removed, not being able to kiss my mother on her deathbed, not being able to coach kids through a wrestling move, or anything that you know, invovles a mouth or tounge, or jaw.
Over the next few days, I actually did pretty well. Cravings hit, but I beat em all back. I'm a very deteremined and strong willed person, but most of all, as a former grappler, I refuse to be dominated by anyone or anything. I had some syptoms of withdrawal, but I was imagining something like coming off of opium. Well, it's day 4 and I got a pretty good bill of health from my dentist. Now comes the tough part, examining my resolve and keeping my quit going without the imminent fear of cancer. My cravings have come and gone so far today, but I've beat them back. Every so often, a little thought of "you can have one once in a while, or a drag off your buddy's cig, ect." creep in, but I know it won't be worth it. I'll face those challenges head first, and I'll beat em down. I know I'm in for a lifelong battle, but I'm armed with the tools that people on here have given me. I'm gonna do it, I have to do it, and no chemical will control me. I've been posting roll, and spending a lot of time on the chat forum. This has helped me get over the physical parts, now I just have to learn to do literally everything without a dip in. I'm in a battle for my life, but at this point....I'm winning.
