Well, I did it. I decided that I've had enough of this shit and will not have my life controlled by the scum-sucking tobacco companies and their poison. I just hit my first 24-hour mark and, I must say, I am leery of the road ahead. I am 37, have been dipping for 19 years and, as of late, was dipping roughly 3/4 (three quarters, not 3-4) of a can per day of Grizzly Wintergreen. I started to ween myself last week, as I bought a can of pouches and made it last the whole week. I was able to accomplish this feat by chewing on one or two pouches throughout the day, to the point that the pouch would start to deteriorate and turn into gelatinous goober. I'd throw the pouch away, only to retrieve it a dozen or so times throughout the day. As it would lose it's potency, I would fold it in half, so as to make a tighter fit and hopefully force some of that glorious nicotine coursing through my veins. I figured that this week of weening would take care of most of the chemical dependency factor and that all that would remain is the habitual factor, which I planned on satisfying by implanting a prosthetic lip turd as needed...delusions of grandeur indeed.
Needless to say, I was, and still probably am, a clueless idiot when it comes to this stuff. I envisioned a tough moment here or there and thought that the hard part was already over.
Holy shit, was I wrong. A civil war of sorts has been waged within me . As of this moment I am battling being on the edge, the palpable shroud of hopelessness, the racing heart, the constant reflection on how fucking good a dip would be right now and the aforementioned trepidation regarding the road to recovery. I have to admit that this site has done well to encourage me, but also to expose how tough this is really going to be. I read the forums for a few hours last night, being that sleep wasn't high on my priority list. It is unnerving to read about people that are a couple hundred days quit still experiencing cravings and fogginess. I know that all of this will not be for not and this is probably one of, if not the, most important decision I've ever made. I also know that I'll be incredibly proud of myself when I hit that first 100 days. I'm hoping that this journey will entail quite a bit of introspection and help me develop ways to deal with life on life's terms. Misery loves company and I am over the moon that I stumbled across this website. I look forward to getting the most out of this and also look forward to re-reading this intro on August 13, as I get inducted into the Hall of Fame.
Thanks to everyone who has built and "resided" in this community. I'll never dip again.
