I made it 164 days quit utilizing KTC and then let it slip. I did not get a welcome back speech, I wasn't given a pat on the back when I posted Day one the next day, I felt absolutely destroyed by the remarks I got from fellow quitters. I knew I had messed up when I put a dip in and spit it out instantly. I let my group know I had failed...there was no joy in that dip like I had envisioned it was going to be....Interesting start to a HOF speech right? Well let me start from the beginning again and make it fluffier.
So I "stopped" dipping Oct. 26th of last year like I had 100's of times before. I had more purpose though as a new father and made it nine days nic free before finding KTC. I started reading the forums and introductory messages and thought "this might help." I felt proud logging in for the first time and making an intro speech. I instantly got messages from multiple vets and felt a new found sense of support I did not have. I found myself posting roll with help with the FCWMer's of Feb 18. What an awesome group. We all clicked and raged and it made the early days go by quicker. I felt stronger. I saw a few caved and new I did not want to do that. Some failed to come back after caving but I also saw some come back stronger that ever. Prior to HOF My sweet baby got hospitalized a couple times for dehydration and was very sick. She got better and I was proud to still be quit and had the support of my group and vets. My family and I then were in a vehicle accident where I had to have emergent surgery on a bleeding gut (I'm a paramedic that dislikes heavy medical terminology) and a broken back. I rehabbed in my in laws basement for two months before really feeling normal again, but I did it dip free and was proud. My group was a huge part of my success. I had "finally made it to HOF." That was the whole point RIGHT???
Soon after HOF I became more complacent. Yeah I wrote a HOF speech full of happy things like I'll keep supporting others and posting roll like I thought I should. But I lost motivation, I sure as heck did not keep word to my HOF speech and I was living dangerous. I was always around chew with coworkers and family and never asked for help from my group when I felt tempted. My word just became a morning message and I found myself becoming more complacent. I forgot there were actually people who had supported me and guided me through this quit. I found myself working on mechanical stuff (thank you YOUTUBE) and had a can near me from a relative, I had been contemplating taking "a little dip" without asking for help from quit brothers for a few weeks. I grabbed that can and took a pinch. With almost instant regret and no joy in the taste of that Copenhagen, I spit it out and felt the worst kind of guilt. That night I told my group what I had done.
So after my cave I obviously had to start over. I knew I had let down my group and new I needed to start over. It was not easy and I almost quit KTC for the remarks I got. I felt I was sincere with my apologies and was turning a new leaf. My good friend Drbottux talked to me on the phone on the early days of my new quit and helped me calm down. The next 100 days I became the KTC quitter I wish I would have been before my cave. Here's how.
First, all my complaining about my "hurt feelings" after caving from remarks I got were from people who devoted time and energy into helping me stay quit. I felt bad, but man I started to realize soon after my new quit how many vets, quitters in my group and conductors I had let down by not just caving, but not even asking for help when I was drowning. To this day I am very grateful for those guys who kept at me in my new quit and am great full for the FRIENDSHIPS and support I have from multiple quitters on this site. Especially the ones who stayed around after I caved. You guys know who you are and thank you.
Secondly, when you commit your daily post, it is sacred. Quitting is obviously "hell," but when you post your word and you know others are doing it with you it's different then when you tried on your own. Always remember roll is sacred and when you post, there is no option to chew. It took me a while to feel like my word was honest again.
Third, stay committed to helping guys in your group. The Force of July 18 took me in and I have an amazing group. Thank you guys for being great and supportive.
Stay committed to checking on each other, share digits and get to know your group.
Reach out to others and commit to that. I am lucky enough to be a conductor for the SHARTNADOS of Sept. 18 and love it. Supporting others after HOF gives you motivation.
Finally, HOF is just another day in you quit. It's an outstanding accomplishment when you have been a slave to nicotine daily for years, but continue your quit striving for new levels and do it ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Thanks for your time. Love the support on KTC and feel I could not be quit long without it for now.
Glad to be quit with you all!
Love,
Jmed!
