Ducan's Intro

[Its_Got2Happen]

I'm gunnin for Feb. HOF (fuck that, I'll be in feb. HOF).  60 days quit today. I've been lurking and sucking strength from this site and y'all for awhile now, so an intro seemed the least I can do.  After reading around this site, i realize my story is boringly typical.  18 years of throwing shit in my mouth, hiding it, feeling guilty about it, thinking that when I grow up i'll quit. well, turns out you don't outgrow addiction. 

Last year (2012), after getting caught multiple times by my spouse over the years (and damn, i would go months and years without getting caught, lying cloak and dagger cunt that i was), and having it be a major trust problem in my marriage (I, of course, PROMISED i would quit this time). It was time for me, my marriage and yeah, i wanted to stick around for my two kids.  This childish shit had to stop.

But my bargaining and rationalizing reptile brain wasn't going down easy.  I quit five times in 2012.  I went through that first 5 days fives fucking times. I can't think of anything more masochistic than that. Four times I caved.  Why? Couple reasons - First, I didn't realize what it meant to be an addict yet. Second, I didn't have this site. It's easy to cave when hardly anyone knows you chew, let alone quit, let alone cave once again. No consequences, except I knew and my self-worth and esteem went in the shitter.  I didn't trust myself anymore either. 

I made one quit 2 months - 60 days, just like today. then I went to a concert with a buddy, got cocky about how much control I had and took a chew.  needless to say, the fucking reptile woke up, and it was full on like i never quit. and I tell you, caving after making it through all that shit that is goddamn tragic.  But it taught me something, it taught me that i'm truly and addict, like a herion or coke addict or an alcholic. I can't handle it, and i can't ever chew again because I'm a damaged addict.

I'm amazed at how much effort it took to hide this shit.  for at least a month after I quit, I was looking for my can, wondering where it was hid - getting excited when i had a couple hours to myself only to realize it was because normally I would chew the fuck out of a can normally - now it wasn't there. 80% of my world revolved around the next chew and how and when it would happen. And if I went 12 hours without one, that % went up to 100.  it's nice to fucking drop that weight and walk away. 

I'm feeling very good and proud of making it 60 days - but by god i'm being vigilant. this doesn't end and i can't cave again. Only people on this site understand how hard this is and why i'm proud, and why that pride is forever muted because we all live on the razor's edge of caving. 

I'm actually crying writing this, I don't know why.  I think being honest about something I've lied so long about is fucking me up.  anyway, i fucking quit again today.

Well Holy shit Duncan. I love that post. Cant believe I missed that one. Congrats on the HOF man. I hope you are still around, you sounded like a pretty committed dude in that 1/11 post.

[jbuilder7916]

Welome to the HOF!! I am proud to be quit with you today.

[Adigg]

I'm actually crying writing this, I don't know why. I think being honest about something I've lied so long about is fucking me up. anyway, i fucking quit again today.

Always remember this Duncan...keep up the quit! Post with us everyday, if you can't send me a text. You should have my number. If you don't, send me a PM. Seriously.

[DTrainMurphyTX]

Welcome Duncan. Glad to see your roll post in Feb 13. Check your inbox...

[Wt57]

Duncan 60 days is really good and I feel your desire and commitment. Your last paragraph says a lot. Many of us as we finally hit rock bottom and realize we wanted to be quit, set and cry! Fucking hard to admit that we have turned our life and freedom over to a can of poison! Sir there are thousands of people that are here to help your quit succeed. BUT, it is a 2 way street! Duncan If you will give back and dedicate a portion of your day to helping others along with making a daily promise to stay quit for the day, I promise you that not only will you reach HOF in February but you will continue to remain quit everyday that you continue to do that. Pm me if I can help.

[Diesel2112]

Feels good to get it all out, doesn't it? Sounds like you're on the right path. 60 days is awesome. Keep up the good work. Now that you laid out an intro don't be afraid to add to it or jump in and try and help others. You've lurked long enough. Time to come out of the shadows and share what you've learner. I guarantee it will help your quit.

[30yraddict]

Duncan,

Congrats on 60 days quit. It's a huge accomplishment. However, I would recommend using all of the tools here.. Roll call. Exchange numbers, build your accountability here. These are a small price to pay for a lifetime of quit.

[beenthere]

Head to the February quit group and make the promise to your brothers to not use today, then repeat.

Pm me if you need digits, I didn't join until 56 days into my quit as well. If I was still on my own and not posting my daily promise, I would have not made it this far.

[duncan]

I'm gunnin for Feb. HOF (fuck that, I'll be in feb. HOF). 60 days quit today. I've been lurking and sucking strength from this site and y'all for awhile now, so an intro seemed the least I can do. After reading around this site, i realize my story is boringly typical. 18 years of throwing shit in my mouth, hiding it, feeling guilty about it, thinking that when I grow up i'll quit. well, turns out you don't outgrow addiction.

Last year (2012), after getting caught multiple times by my spouse over the years (and damn, i would go months and years without getting caught, lying cloak and dagger cunt that i was), and having it be a major trust problem in my marriage (I, of course, PROMISED i would quit this time). It was time for me, my marriage and yeah, i wanted to stick around for my two kids. This childish shit had to stop.

But my bargaining and rationalizing reptile brain wasn't going down easy. I quit five times in 2012. I went through that first 5 days fives fucking times. I can't think of anything more masochistic than that. Four times I caved. Why? Couple reasons - First, I didn't realize what it meant to be an addict yet. Second, I didn't have this site. It's easy to cave when hardly anyone knows you chew, let alone quit, let alone cave once again. No consequences, except I knew and my self-worth and esteem went in the shitter. I didn't trust myself anymore either.

I made one quit 2 months - 60 days, just like today. then I went to a concert with a buddy, got cocky about how much control I had and took a chew. needless to say, the fucking reptile woke up, and it was full on like i never quit. and I tell you, caving after making it through all that shit that is goddamn tragic. But it taught me something, it taught me that i'm truly and addict, like a herion or coke addict or an alcholic. I can't handle it, and i can't ever chew again because I'm a damaged addict.

I'm amazed at how much effort it took to hide this shit. for at least a month after I quit, I was looking for my can, wondering where it was hid - getting excited when i had a couple hours to myself only to realize it was because normally I would chew the fuck out of a can normally - now it wasn't there. 80% of my world revolved around the next chew and how and when it would happen. And if I went 12 hours without one, that % went up to 100. it's nice to fucking drop that weight and walk away.

I'm feeling very good and proud of making it 60 days - but by god i'm being vigilant. this doesn't end and i can't cave again. Only people on this site understand how hard this is and why i'm proud, and why that pride is forever muted because we all live on the razor's edge of caving.

I'm actually crying writing this, I don't know why. I think being honest about something I've lied so long about is fucking me up. anyway, i fucking quit again today.