Hey All,
First off, let me give a very big thank you to all of you who have put so much content on this site that has really inspired me to quit. I am proud to say that I have not used in 6 days now.
There are many reasons why people want to quit: cancer risk, loved ones (wives/gfs) thinking it's "gross", cost, the "monkey on the back".
My reasons were actually a bit different than these. Perhaps it's best to explain my reasons in my story.
I started young, at age 17--wintergreen grizzly at a H.S. football game--probably very similar to how many started on this forum. Sat down, was dizzy, euphoric, heaven--immediately addicted.
It wasn't long until it was a tin-a-day of Copenhagen natural or long cut. I quite enjoyed it. I loved it, actually. I dipped while studying, golfing, cooking, shit, even working out. I would dip while sleeping. I was always dipping. Loved the fuck out of it.
This went on for some time. Until the nicotine combined with prescription ADHD medication (prescribed to me--used as prescribed) started to give me grand mal seizures. I'll keep it terse on this part. Basically, I laid on my death bed a few times and lived. I have had good treatment for the seizures and have now been seizure-free for some time. However, around the same time--I started to have thyroid and adrenal failure/fatigue. This went up and down over the years but has mostly been under control.
Then, I got worried about cancer risk. So, I switched to the real Swedish Snus which has about 2% the TSNA's (the main carcinogen) of American dipping tobacco. I would import it bulk from Sweden--tried a bunch of brands--eventually settled on the strongest snus available--the extra strong category. Basically, the nicotine strength of this stuff makes a horseshoe of Cope look like child's play. I would use 2, 3, even 4 of these portions at a time--I was going through a tin a day of this stuff. I wouldn't get the slightest buzz from a full-bodied cigar--a deeply-inhaled cigarette had a very light effect on me. I was using 24/7--at work, working out, doing housework, showering, shitting, cooking, grilling, golfing, shopping, everything. Many nights I would sleep the whole night with my mouth packed. I would wake up with big, dark puddles of snus juice all over my pillow and face. I would smoke a large cuban cigar at the same time as having 4 of these portion snuses in my mouth. I was a monster.
I wasn't worried about cancer risk or tooth loss--even through all of this the dentist has always told me my teeth look beautiful.
What got me was on 10/4/2013 my adrenal glands started to fail again. I was getting chronic fatigue--again. I have a job now. I can't take a semester off from school like I did the first time this happened. I was tired/wired every day all day. My sleep wasn't restful. I was stressed to the 9's. I could feel the cortisol surging through my body. My eyes wouldn't focus. The nicotine was a major contributing variable to all of this. I knew it was time. It was time to quit. If I didn't, my adrenals and ultimately thyroid glands would fail again--like they did in January 2008 and I would basically be bedridden for months. I had to nip this problem in the bud. I was scared as shit. I was SO ADDICTED. I was sleeping every night with 60-80 mg of nicotine in my mouth. Withdrawal was so bad the first few days--cold sweats, shaking, yelling obscenities, knocking myself out with muscle relaxer and alcohol to go to sleep because I still couldn't sleep AT ALL. It was like a heroin withdrawal.
I was a user for 7 years in total. It's been 6 days without it. My life is better already.
Thanks, everyone. Your wealth of knowledge on this site has been a blessing. Thanks for being here.
Best,
-Pete
