I'm finally going to do it

[looper]

Strange indeed. I have been here before, and found excuse after excuse. Today was rough. Wasn't completely myself, getting upset over stupid things. Toughest day so far, kept thinking about it, and went through 3 packs of gum. I'm wiped out, hitting the bed, I'm tired and cranky.

[Gump]

LOL!!!! 'crackup'

You'll all read about it this week. "Man suffering nic withdrawal destroys classic Disney ride".

w01miles, we figured the first couple of weeks of school would be the best time to go. That and the free dining they offer in the fall makes it an ideal time to go.

Hey, Looper, sounds like you have your head on completely straight. Strange feeling isn't it? Unfamiliar territory.

All the guys here have your back, you know that already. You mentioned something about "if you can come out of your week at Disney and not feel like an asshole"...

I just want to caution you. Nicotine addicts are, by definition, insane. Nicotine addicts in the first few days of their QUIT's are way past insane. The point is, you probably WILL make mistakes, react too quickly or get pissed off or howl at the moon or some other absurd shit while you're at Disney. Hard to imagine not doing that.

Just keep your eyes on the prize, or eyeses on the prizes. Forgive yourself if you act crazy. You'll all survive it, even if you feel like an asshole for something. Just DON'T imagine at any time that going back to the can will help. It won't. Don't say to yourself, "I'm fucking up too bad, next week, after Disney, will be a better time to quit." There is no better time to quit than right now.

There. Now you're ready for the Mouse. And tell him I said "What's Up!"

[looper]

LOL!!!! 'crackup'

You'll all read about it this week. "Man suffering nic withdrawal destroys classic Disney ride".

w01miles, we figured the first couple of weeks of school would be the best time to go. That and the free dining they offer in the fall makes it an ideal time to go.

[Phil4]

God was talking, and I am finally ready to listen. I pray that whatever damage I have done to myself can be healed. I have too much to live for, and am beyond pissed at myself for not having stopped already.

Wow. Same exact story for me on my Quit Day 1. I remember feeling a weird combination of fear, being pissed, and being excited all at the same time. Afraid that it was too late - - that the damage was done (I did a lot of praying on that one). Afraid of how I was going to manage life without my "friend." Pissed at myself for not quitting sooner. And excited that I was finally going to be free from the slave master.

I think the Disney trip will be a good distraction. At least it takes you out of your routine. If it gets too stressful dragging the kiddos around, I don't think any of us here would care if you took out your rage on Mickey and friends. Go punch Goofy in the face or something. I'd like to hear that story. I can just see you now having a good nic rage while riding "It's a Small World After All" where that lame ass song repeats itself 5 thousand times. Your "serenity now" idea may come in handy.

Hang in there bro. You got this.

[Timeless117]

Thanks Whacko  steve,

That's a good suggestion about the rage being the nic leaving the body. I'm imagining myself in WDW quoting George Castanza from Seinfeld, "Serenity Now! Serenity Now!" if it comes on. So far, so good.

I'll be sure to post roll. I'm thinking that will be key to put me in the right frame of mind for each day. I struggled with picking a quit date for the last couple of years. Each time, it was always something that was going to be a stressful event, so the "happiest place on earth" will hopefully make the next couple of days bearable.

Looking forward to the next couple of months here, and being quit with you all!

Remember Looper,
Serenity now, insanity later.

Hope Disney World is going well. Be a tough place to handle the first few days into my quit. But as long as you can handle it, good to go.

[wo1miles]

Oh, and Loop. Take it from a HUGE Disney World Guy. It's late September, the crowds won't be bad at all. Little tip for ya: Get there BEFORE the park opens. It's well worth it. Have fun, stay dip free.

[looper]

Thanks Whacko  steve,

That's a good suggestion about the rage being the nic leaving the body. I'm imagining myself in WDW quoting George Castanza from Seinfeld, "Serenity Now! Serenity Now!" if it comes on. So far, so good.

I'll be sure to post roll. I'm thinking that will be key to put me in the right frame of mind for each day. I struggled with picking a quit date for the last couple of years. Each time, it was always something that was going to be a stressful event, so the "happiest place on earth" will hopefully make the next couple of days bearable.

Looking forward to the next couple of months here, and being quit with you all!

[whacko]

Looper,
I have to say good call on chosing the vacation to quit. I have heard some say that a vacation is too stressfull to start a quit but it definately worked for me. I am a former ninja dipper.....unlike you my family did not know and still does not know about my addiction. My wife went overseas on a business trip for two weeks and I had two weeks of leave with my son while she was gone. Well......no way to hide my addiction form a 9 year old when you are with him constantly for 14 days so I chose that as my quit date. It worked perfectly for me......yes I had some "rage" moments during the first 5 days of big withdrawals but when I got the rage feeling I would actually tell myself "its the nic leaving your body....don't take this out on your little boy" and I could calm down. Also the change in "routine" made quitting easier for me.........I went on a motorcycle trip with him the first 3 days and that kept my mind off wanting a lip.

Anyway........have fun on the vacation to WDW. Post role! If you start to "rage up" a bit just step back........convince yourself it is the nic leaving your body and then get back to fun with the fam!

Proud to be quit with you!

[steve1357]

Thanks Radman,

My youngest son just did the same thing recently. At first I laughed, but when I thought about it, I had those same feelings of guilt and shame.

It feels reallly good to be able to let this out, as I have been in denial for quite some time. I shared this site with my wife, and we just had a great talk/cry about everything. Saying my prayers and mentally psyching myself up for the crowds, lines, heat of WDW.

I figure, if I can make it through this trip and not look/act or feel like an asshole when it's all said and done, then I can keep going no matter what and finally be free. Just still so fucking pissed I didn't join this site years ago when I first found it.

Thanks again!!!

Looper,

Congrats on quitting. I just want to remind you that going on vacation is no excuse not to post roll call. This early into your quit, posting your daily promise is very important and maybe the difference of saving your quit or caving.

If you do not think you will have internet access, you need to text a fellow quitter to post roll for you. I recommend exchanging numbers with a few of your December brothers and sisters. Shoot me a pm, and I will happily exchange with you too.

You know that there will be extra stress that comes with a family vacation. Have a plan ready, so when the shit the fan, it will stay out of your lip.

Proud to quit with you.

[looper]

Thanks Radman,

My youngest son just did the same thing recently. At first I laughed, but when I thought about it, I had those same feelings of guilt and shame.

It feels reallly good to be able to let this out, as I have been in denial for quite some time. I shared this site with my wife, and we just had a great talk/cry about everything. Saying my prayers and mentally psyching myself up for the crowds, lines, heat of WDW.

I figure, if I can make it through this trip and not look/act or feel like an asshole when it's all said and done, then I can keep going no matter what and finally be free. Just still so fucking pissed I didn't join this site years ago when I first found it.

Thanks again!!!

[G]

Nice work, looper. You can do this. Just keep posting roll each day and keeping your word. Yell if you need anything.

[Radman]

I have said it before, but I had a similar moment of clarity. On September 15 last year, one of my 2-year-olds walked by me and my wife, spit on the ground, and proudly said "Like daddy!". I have never.... NEVER felt like more of a failure. I pride myself on teaching my kids good manners, values, etc., so how did I let that happen? It still angers me. I use that to my advantage every day.

My wife was also a huge help when I finally let her in on my quit. You will need her help. You will have moments of rage. Your wife needs to recognize them as such and handle accordingly. Many times I would just walk outside to avoid taking my issues out on the kids. I'd come back inside to questions like "Daddy, did we get any mail?" or something totally off the wall. My wife covered for me more than once. I can never thank her enough for what she has put up with. Make sure yours has read the spouse's section on this site. We cannot take this out on our families.

Make sure your get some numbers of quitters on this site before you venture into Mickey's world. Call or text somebody if the going gets tough. PM some folks for contacts and then support or a target for your rage is only a few button presses away.

[looper]

Thanks glad, it is good to be quit with you as well!

[gladitsnotheroine]

Welcome aboard Looper. If I can quit, you've got this whooped. It still seems crazy to me, but this site works. Glad you are here and glad to be quit with you. Shoot me a PM if you need anything.

[looper]

Thank you very much David and Phil,

I had one of those come to Jesus moments the other night, when my 7 year old asked me what exactly Grizzly was and why I did it so much. He asked, "Does it have that "stuff" that makes you have to keep doing it in it?" This was literally an hour after talking to my mother who informed me that one of her friend's sons was just diagnosed with mouth cancer from dip and is having surgery.

I have never been so scared and shaken, as the timing of me thinking of quitting, hearing that sobering news, and my son's questionning. God was talking, and I am finally ready to listen. I pray that whatever damage I have done to myself can be healed. I have too much to live for, and am beyond pissed at myself for not having stopped already.

Good or bad, the family and I are actually going on vacation to Disney World tomorrow. So, while the withdrawal hasn't been too bad so far(I did start cutting way back about three weeks ago), I am hoping that all of the activity and distractions will keep my mind off of it. I plan on drinking a ton of water and chewing sugarfree gum from morning until night. Just hope that the stress of three little boys getting tired in the parks isn't too bad. I had a heart to heart talk with my wife, and she is fully supportive. I just hope that the "rage" stays away this week.

Thanks for your support! Reading through the site and the posts, and you are absoulutely right. It's about manning up, keeping the promise and getting it done!