IÂ’m sharing a poorly written and highly abbreviated version of my story to remind you long-timers that you are never safe from the dip:
After more than 15 years of a can-a-day dipping, I finally had a successful go at quitting on my 30th birthday. After many failed attempts, for whatever reason, this one stuck. My wife, who had long stopped taking my quits seriously, could even tell that something was different and that it was going to work. I used nicotine patches, but in retrospect, I donÂ’t know how necessary they were. I was a new dad, had a job not conducive to the habit, and was just flat-out sick of it. The stars aligned and it worked out fine.
Jump ahead more than six years later. I’m watching a Chiefs game with the same buddies I have since high school. One of them still chews, so just for “old time’s sake,” I bummed a dip from him. It didn’t taste good, it didn’t give me a rush, it didn’t satisfy any lurking craving (or so I thought) at all. So after about 10 minutes, I spit it out.
A week after that, the same situation repeated itself. No big deal. But by this time, I was meeting up with him to watch Wichita State basketball games at least once a week as well. I took a dip here and there, but never felt the need to have my own can or do it outside of these social situations.
Then, we all went to Chiefs game in KC. I knew IÂ’d be away from my wife and having some beers, so to avoid stealing any more chew from my buddy, I bought my own can. You know, just for the weekend.
I got home on a Sunday night with most of the first layer of skin from the inside of my gums peeling off. About halfway through work on Monday, I decided I’d run to the convenient store and get another can. I figured, “I’ve quit once, no problem doing it again.” Yeah, right.
And there it is. I managed to get wrapped up in this shit twice! The same mistakes I cursed myself for making as an adolescent were repeated when I was 36! That is unbelievably humiliating.
After a six year hiatus, IÂ’m 38 and have been back on the snuff for over two years now. IÂ’ve made several half-ass attempts to quit, and today marks the start of another one. I donÂ’t have the same feeling of confidence as I did when I quit last time, so IÂ’m skeptical of myself, which, I know is not the best place to start. But I've attempted it enough recently to know to avoid my main mental trap: "I've gone all day... I'll get a can and just cut way down." And then, of course, after about two days of "cutting way down," I'm back to operating with a dip constantly.
IÂ’m tired of hiding it from my kids, being embarrassed about my habit amid civilized company, sick of freaking out every time I get a small sore anywhere in my mouth, and fed up with the cost. So, IÂ’m hanging on to that.
Wish me luck.