Yep. All sounds familiar. I started "older", dipped for 15 yrs and probably about 15 people knew about it and not ONE was a family member and none of them knew how deep the claws of nic were dug into me.
I knew though. I used to justify the FUCK out of it..."its my only vice", "At least I don't do drugs", "it's safer than smoking", etc...but in the back of my mind, I knew the shit could kill me and would often wonder "when will I ever quit this shit?" But then id just say fuck it and keep going, like a fucking idiot.
"Luckily" one day I got a weird sore on my lip and I freaked out and decided to quit, even though my lip was fine. Early on I thought that sore on my lip was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Now I know for a fact that sore was THE BEST thing that ever happened to me.
Quitting will be the best decision you ever make. It wont be easy but if you ever need anything, pm me anytime. I will advise you to read, read, read and read some more. Educate yourself on your enemy, it will help you fight it.
Start posting role and get this shit started. You got this!