Day One

[TLOC81]

I'm still here. Day 4.

Yesterday was rough. Driving was simply synonymous with dip - and yesterday I did a lot of driving around.

The fog seems thinner this morning.

Great support on this site. Everyday I'm getting PMs from people checking up on me, asking questions.

It's cool.

Funny how guys in general see asking for help as a sign of weakness. It's such a part of our DNA. It's amazing what we can do when we ask for help. I know I'm only Day 4, but this quit feels different. It has to be.

My voice is hoarse at the end of every day and every morning I'm coughing up green shit. I don't know if it's just this lingering cold or if it's something worse. I don't want to think about it. Just want to focus on my quit.

My wife is heading up to LA with a friend this weekend. So, I've got all three kids. There was a time when I looked forward to this kind of thing as I could dip without fear of her seeing me do it. I'm not afraid I will cave, but I do feel a sense of loss. I know, it sounds crazy - but I used to love the game. Being a ninja dipper. Trying to not get caught. I did it so well for so long. Weekends like this were a reward.

How fucked up is that? I looked forward to my wife going on a trip so I could dip openly??????? If I wasn't dipping, I was planning for my next one. That's all that mattered.

Fucking slave.

I hear you about the feeling of loss that you initially feel at the beginning of your quit. It used to feel like Christmas when I'd get a chance to have a nice long dip by myself after a long weekend with family or a significant other. It's so messed up to be that excited about having a chance to dip.

I think one of the greatest benefits of not having to rely dip is the amount of time you get to spend with friends and family without having to sneak off. It allows you to truly enjoy your time together without that feeling of animosity that they are keeping you from your precious chew time.

[pab1964]

I'm still here. Day 4.

Yesterday was rough. Driving was simply synonymous with dip - and yesterday I did a lot of driving around.

The fog seems thinner this morning.

Great support on this site. Everyday I'm getting PMs from people checking up on me, asking questions.

It's cool.

Funny how guys in general see asking for help as a sign of weakness. It's such a part of our DNA. It's amazing what we can do when we ask for help. I know I'm only Day 4, but this quit feels different. It has to be.

My voice is hoarse at the end of every day and every morning I'm coughing up green shit. I don't know if it's just this lingering cold or if it's something worse. I don't want to think about it. Just want to focus on my quit.

My wife is heading up to LA with a friend this weekend. So, I've got all three kids. There was a time when I looked forward to this kind of thing as I could dip without fear of her seeing me do it. I'm not afraid I will cave, but I do feel a sense of loss. I know, it sounds crazy - but I used to love the game. Being a ninja dipper. Trying to not get caught. I did it so well for so long. Weekends like this were a reward.

How fucked up is that? I looked forward to my wife going on a trip so I could dip openly??????? If I wasn't dipping, I was planning for my next one. That's all that mattered.

Fucking slave.

Wow.

I coulda wrote that at the start of my quit. Y'know... pretty sure I did!

Us Ninja guys thought exactly like you're decribing. I did it for 25 years, man. Took a sick bit of pleasure in "fooling" everyone. Yeah, right. That sense of loss you're feeling?... it's not loss. It's freedom but you just don't know how to process it yet. As the days roll on your perspective will change and at some point... you will be quit. Not trying... not working at it. Just Quit. Take strength in every little thing you thought you couldn't do without dip. You'll soon come to realize the biggest lie you lived with... dip made NONE of it better. It actually polluted everything.

Your healing will take time dude... that's ok. It did for all of us. I'm on 814 today. Let me tell ya... I earned every damn day of it. You're getting there too. Rock on...

Main thing that helped me is I learned to hate this shit! As AJ said it don't help you do shit! When the fog clears you will start smiling at things you do now that your addict mind told you you couldn't without dip! Doing great keep on quitting!

[AppleJack]

I'm still here. Day 4.

Yesterday was rough. Driving was simply synonymous with dip - and yesterday I did a lot of driving around.

The fog seems thinner this morning.

Great support on this site. Everyday I'm getting PMs from people checking up on me, asking questions.

It's cool.

Funny how guys in general see asking for help as a sign of weakness. It's such a part of our DNA. It's amazing what we can do when we ask for help. I know I'm only Day 4, but this quit feels different. It has to be.

My voice is hoarse at the end of every day and every morning I'm coughing up green shit. I don't know if it's just this lingering cold or if it's something worse. I don't want to think about it. Just want to focus on my quit.

My wife is heading up to LA with a friend this weekend. So, I've got all three kids. There was a time when I looked forward to this kind of thing as I could dip without fear of her seeing me do it. I'm not afraid I will cave, but I do feel a sense of loss. I know, it sounds crazy - but I used to love the game. Being a ninja dipper. Trying to not get caught. I did it so well for so long. Weekends like this were a reward.

How fucked up is that? I looked forward to my wife going on a trip so I could dip openly??????? If I wasn't dipping, I was planning for my next one. That's all that mattered.

Fucking slave.

Wow.

I coulda wrote that at the start of my quit. Y'know... pretty sure I did!

Us Ninja guys thought exactly like you're decribing. I did it for 25 years, man. Took a sick bit of pleasure in "fooling" everyone. Yeah, right. That sense of loss you're feeling?... it's not loss. It's freedom but you just don't know how to process it yet. As the days roll on your perspective will change and at some point... you will be quit. Not trying... not working at it. Just Quit. Take strength in every little thing you thought you couldn't do without dip. You'll soon come to realize the biggest lie you lived with... dip made NONE of it better. It actually polluted everything.

Your healing will take time dude... that's ok. It did for all of us. I'm on 814 today. Let me tell ya... I earned every damn day of it. You're getting there too. Rock on...

[Murmur71]

I'm still here. Day 4.

Yesterday was rough. Driving was simply synonymous with dip - and yesterday I did a lot of driving around.

The fog seems thinner this morning.

Great support on this site. Everyday I'm getting PMs from people checking up on me, asking questions.

It's cool.

Funny how guys in general see asking for help as a sign of weakness. It's such a part of our DNA. It's amazing what we can do when we ask for help. I know I'm only Day 4, but this quit feels different. It has to be.

My voice is hoarse at the end of every day and every morning I'm coughing up green shit. I don't know if it's just this lingering cold or if it's something worse. I don't want to think about it. Just want to focus on my quit.

My wife is heading up to LA with a friend this weekend. So, I've got all three kids. There was a time when I looked forward to this kind of thing as I could dip without fear of her seeing me do it. I'm not afraid I will cave, but I do feel a sense of loss. I know, it sounds crazy - but I used to love the game. Being a ninja dipper. Trying to not get caught. I did it so well for so long. Weekends like this were a reward.

How fucked up is that? I looked forward to my wife going on a trip so I could dip openly??????? If I wasn't dipping, I was planning for my next one. That's all that mattered.

Fucking slave.

[TLOC81]

Great choice to utilize KTC Murmur. We all remember just how terrible those first few days are but as we say here at KTC, you have to embrace the suck. You have to hate the nicotine for all it's taken from you...your money, your time, your integrity, your dignity. The feeling of freedom will overcome the urges to dip if you have the right mindset. Just focus on one day at a time and reach out and/or read all you can whenever the nic bitch whispers in your ear. Quit with you today. Hit me up on PM if you ever need support.

[Bucky]

Fight the good fight. You got people cheering for you ... I'm one of them. Do what you can to remove yourself from any potential roadblocks early. Sleep, exercise and water are an awesome start. Make your kids proud of you by doing something so FN difficult that you are damn proud of yourself.

No matter the struggle, the reward is better.

WIN!!!!!

[pab1964]

Thanks pab.....good stuff there. I'll make the roll call tomorrow. rope-a-doping right now, but I'll be good.

Chewing just regular bubble gum - so much that my temples are pulsing from the workload.

Going for another run, shower, bed. See you all tomorrow.

You will notice, maybe not right away but want be long that everything you do without dip is such easier and a damn huge accomplishment. Remember that, and one day it will smack you in the mouth and you will smile all the while saying the olé guy told me that. Matter fact every damn time you post roll early in the morning, look in the mirror and smile because you got this bitch beat another day because you gave your word! Quit on my brother!

[Murmur71]

Thanks pab.....good stuff there. I'll make the roll call tomorrow. rope-a-doping right now, but I'll be good.

Chewing just regular bubble gum - so much that my temples are pulsing from the workload.

Going for another run, shower, bed. See you all tomorrow.

[pab1964]

I'm feeling like Peter McNeeley in the ring with Tyson. Just running, ducking, trying to get out of this first round!

Fuse is short....trying to access my inner Yoda with the kids around.

Went for a run, got on my spin bike, lots of water.

Going to bed early too - I think that will be a key. No more late nights playing World of Warcraft. Cut out the booze.....there is no sanctuary in that bottle.

Thanks for listening. This site is very helpful. Been reading articles all day.

Something to remember, you will be an asshole for awhile! Walk away. Your wife and kids did force that shit in your mouth don't take it out on them. Come in here, heck we like it when Billy badass I'm mad at the world gives us a cussing fit, because we've been there and we know how you feel! Hang in there my friend it gets so much better and it sucks till it don't! Get you some numbers and remember only you can make yourself a quitter or a failure! It's mostly mental. I quit with you today my friend!

[Murmur71]

I'm feeling like Peter McNeeley in the ring with Tyson. Just running, ducking, trying to get out of this first round!

Fuse is short....trying to access my inner Yoda with the kids around.

Went for a run, got on my spin bike, lots of water.

Going to bed early too - I think that will be a key. No more late nights playing World of Warcraft. Cut out the booze.....there is no sanctuary in that bottle.

Thanks for listening. This site is very helpful. Been reading articles all day.

[normjr88]

The site works if you let it. If it was easy we wouldn't be here.

Good luck from the September guys and gals

[jomartin88]

Murmur, man do I know how you feel. The things I've missed or rushed through to get to that next chew. Hurts the soul to think about.

I am trying to use that as fuel. But I'm like you on day 1. In a fog.

[MonsterMedic]

Glad to have you with us. If there's anything I can do to help, feel free to reach out.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Turn that anger on the tobacco industry. They have been stealing your money and making you a slave since you were 18. Fuck them. No more of their bullshit for you. Noore of your money and time for them.

[Murmur71]

Thanks to both of you. Corbin - you got it right. I'm angry - at myself - for all the reasons you've listed.

What kills me is how much time I've wasted / opportunities I've missed - all because I was looking to go sneak a chew in the bathroom, etc. I'm a f*cking junkie, and I let it happen.