Reflections on 1100 days quit, accountability and relationships.
Today makes 1100 days quit for me. I'm still amazed that I've made it this far. 3 years ago Mike Land was defined by the can. My wife and I dated some when we were in high school. She tells me she thought about me a lot even when she was married to someone else for 21 years. Sweet huh? She also tells me that the smell of wintergreen would triggered thoughts about me. Isn't that something? The thing my wife remembers about me when we were in high school over 30 years ago is that I always smelled like a wintergreen turd! She doesn't recall if I was smart, or kind to others or a smartass or whatever. She just remembers that me, my car, my clothes smelled like a can of skoal. That's sort of depressing. I'm not surprised by any of this. I dipped fine cut wintergreen skoal 24/7 for many years until it got to be almost $5 a can. I then switched to RedSeal finecut wintergreen and because it cost half as much, I rationalized that I could afford more of it! Two cans per day, sometimes three. No wonder everything I had smelled like wintergreen.
I used to teach school. If you met me you probably wouldn't believe it. Most people don't. Occasionally i'll run into kids I had as students and they will tell me what a mess their life is for one reason or another. I council them that we all make mistakes and that we have to move on from the past and resolve to make things better going forward from this day. 1100 days ago I had that realization about being an addict. I can't tell you how many times I had tried to quit and gave up because I had convinced myself that I had used for so long that there was no way I could function without it. 1100 hundred days ago I found KTC. I read everything I could find on the site, found the '13 March Mad Men group and posted roll for the first time. there was no way to tell how that moment was going to change my life.
I won't go on about my quit. Everyone has their story about how the first few days went. How awful the fog was and their joy at coming out of it and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. What I will tell you about is the accountability I found here and the relationships that have been built because we share the bond of being addicts. There is no way that I would be here today without having been held accountable by the guys in my group and other groups over the last few years.
The March Mad Men of 2013 started out with over 100 guys who wanted to quit. Today we have 8 who post roll mostly on a daily basis. I think we still have one 100% poster after 3 years. Halldogau, Tazbutane, 88Shelby, Grovermouldon, Steve Mc, Hunter401, Fire10257 and myself are still here. I am continually amazed at the relationship we have with each other. I've never met any of these guys in person. I've talked to a couple on the phone once or twice. We keep an eye out for one another. If one of us missed roll more than usual the questions and text start flying. We worry about each other. It's hard for me to understand how we have the concern, and dare I say love, for one another. We are just 8 random guys who take a moment to post roll everyday on a website. We are nothing special. But we do share a bond that only those who have travelled this road can comprehend. I don't know about them but I know without a doubt that if one of these guys called me and said "Mike, I need you to come help me" I would drop what I was doing, if at all possible and go to their aide. That is the God's honest truth. We are spread all over. Texas, Oregon, NYC, Conn. Georgia, Ohio, Tennessee, and one in Wisconsin or Minnesota. It doesn't matter, If they needed me I would go if it were in my means to do so. That is the beauty of KTC. The accountability leads to relationships that are strong. It is this accountability and relationships that make it possible for me to stay quit. I'm not as strung out as I was when I first started. I don't lean on these guys all the time like I did in the beginning. But the fact that they are still here with me, posting roll and holding me accountable when needed goes along way in strengthening my quit.
The March Mad Men are talking about a get together. Maybe in NYC. Right now it's just talk but maybe soon we can start making concrete plans. It would be a blast to meet my March Mad Men brothers in person. I've been to three quitter meets. Two were in Savannah, one was in PA. It is awesome to be able to put real people with KTC names and be able to talk to them in person. To be able to do that with the March Mad Men would be the highlight of my KTC experience so far!
One thing. If you are reading this and you are a young quitter, don't be overwhelmed by some of the number of quit days beside some of our names. We didn't get here all at once. We got here as some of the guys say "ODAAT" that is "ONE DAY AT A TIME". Don't concentrate on tomorrow, next week, month or year. Concentrate on today, just today. Keep doing that and before you know it you will be putting four digit numbers of quit days beside your name as well.
Carry on
Mike Land
Quit Like Mad!!