Wow, I haven't updated this thread in a minute. What better time than day 50.
I'd say all in all the first 30 days were pretty tough. After about three weeks, the anxiety started getting better and sleep slowly progressed. It wasn't until about the 30 day mark where I felt like sleep was back to normal. My mornings were much better, found myself less moody and down, overall a much better way of life. It's nice being able to commit to social activities and not have to worry about sneaking a dip in.
The main hurdle was getting through a weekend at the lake with two of my best friends that are dippers. Thankfully, they know I'm quit, won't pressure me, and I was able to have discussions about it while not forcing a way of life on them. If this were 5 years ago, I'd get a response of "I'm not a quitter, don't be a p****." Now everyone is supportive which certainly helps the process. Anyways, one enjoyable thing from that weekend was...and I don't know if you have ever dipped on a boat with no spittoon going 30 across the water and then trying to spit into the water and it inevitably ending up on the side of the boat or on the side of your person...well, one thing I didn't need to worry about. (Never was a gutter, surefire way for me to get sick) Over that weekend, we drove the boat over to some friends house and met up with my buddy, his wife, his 1 yr old son, his parents, his in-laws, etc. and one of the guys I was with had an obnoxiously sized hog in and I couldn't help but to think how stupid he looked and then thought to myself, that was me all those years? Get a grip, you're addicted.
From 30-45 was pretty much autopilot mode. I felt like I was returning back to normal. Still shades of anxiety, but for the most part gone. I went to the doctor a few times and took a bit of medicine for a week or so, but haven't thought about it in awhile. That being said, don't be ashamed to see someone if you're going through some shit! Talking it out will help you!
After 45, this weekend just kind of snuck up on me. I was in a bad mood both Saturday and Sunday with an overall bland outlook on life and just thinking I'd be much better off with a dip. There was a moment of clarity however. There are things I definitely want to change in my life and I think I've had those feelings for awhile, but nicotine always numbed it to where I didn't pay attention to my natural desires. I said to myself that I'd rather go through this uneasiness to know what I naturally crave or I'm just prolonging what I want to eventually do.
I've had my moments on this site where I read responses and I get fed up with some of the personalities here. I always come around and appreciate the honesty, accountability, and the true meaning of why this site works the way it does. Proud as hell to be 50 days from putting dirt in my mouth. Here's to another minute, hour, and day. Keep grinding.
