Missouri Mike
Posts
4,937
Quit Ninja
Mar 01, 2017 #1
I believe that I should introduce myself to the group. Many of the things about me, will relate to your own personal experience, some I am sure will not. I am an addict in the true sense of the word. However, my addiction and how I began that journey may in some ways vary from your own. I grew up in a military household in which my father died in front of me at a very young age. He was 45, and I was 7. My mother pretty much lost it, and I had three older brothers who blazed a trail with what I thought was a normal way of life. My earliest memory of flirting with nicotine was when me and the banker’s son, we were only nine or ten, went into the local Safeway store and stole a pile of different types of cigarettes. It was summer and we took them over to the middle school. The school was half way between the store and home. We hid out and smoked a bunch of them. Needless to say I went home sick, throwing up, and in general; high as I could be. This started the process of many highs well into the future. By the time I was twelve, I had started smoking weed daily, by the time I was fifteen I had used about every drug a person could imagine. I took after my older brothers, who were not shy about sharing their multiple stashes or connections. We were a well to do family, money, political prestige, and could get away with about anything. My best friend’s uncle owned the biggest gun store in six states. I did not have to work, all I had to do was worry about my next high. Time passed, relationships passed, money was lost/pissed away, multiple friends were dead and buried. I had a Gorilla riding on my shoulder with an insatiable appetite. Again, I was not constrained by work or finances; marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamines, prescription drugs, alcohol, non-filter Camels/Kools, and fast cars were my daily companions. Many law enforcement entities had their eye on us, you don’t walk in and out of six building full of guns and ammo doing the things we were doing without attracting attention. Multiple relationships, heart breaks, self-created chaos, dreams of prison, and misery were soon to follow. Let me cut this short, I screwed up and lost what I perceived as a love of a lifetime. About two weeks before my twenty-fifth birthday, my best friend and I left the ex’s house in his grandmas dodge acclaim. On the way home, we took O highway which we treated as our own personal race track. We were hammered drunk. Needless to say, we came off a sweeping 90* at 105, launched in the air, took one foot off the top of the first hedge post, snapped the second in half, took the third off even with the ground, and wrapped the car around the fourth. My knees took out the dash, and I picked glass out of my hair for a year. I got out telling my buddy what a pussy he was for not keeping the car on the corner. The next day, what a fuck-up I am. This has got to end, I am almost twenty-five, no prospects, no future; fucking dumb ass. The quit; tried not to drink, had a smoke and drank, tried not to smoke, had a drink and then a smoke. Determination and twenty-fifth birthday resolution: I am not nor will I drink, I cannot manage myself; I cannot smoke, I will have to have a drink. It is almost twenty five years later, I have the best wife I could ever imagine, deserve, or could have hoped for, I have worked multiple career paths and am now in a cutting edge position and one step under a psychologist, I try to volunteer and give back to others on a daily basis. Other than my immediate family, I am pretty much alone. I have been pulling from this site for over a year to help others quit with their addiction to nicotine. Myself, I signed up at the prodding of Cmark after I caught myself eyeing the left overs in a bottle of Jack Daniels my wife has sitting in the freezer in the garage. I think joining a great line of successful quitters is one of the best things that I can do for myself and my family. I will not turn back, I know my Gorilla all to well. I quit all things with you today, and every day. This is my word and I will stand by it.
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Anthony.
Posts
545
Quit Date
Jan 10th, 2017
Quitter
Mar 01, 2017 #2
That's one hell of a story Mike! Sounds like you have turned a whole lot around already and are ready to take this next step... KTC is great, I was so skeptical and even weirded out about some of the things on here at first and I still don't post as much as I probably should but I am working on that part but if you jump in with both feet this system will not fail you! Ill be damn proud to give you my word every day and quit with you as long as you quit with me. This shits not easy, its scary, its shitty and it will be tough but I swear to you that it is worth it! My quit just turned 51 days old today! I cant promise you that I will stay quit tomorrow but I can promise you the rest of the day is a done deal, I gave my word and I will continue to do that every single morning! Ill PM you my digits, feel free to text me as much or as little as you want, and I know it sounds strange to take random peoples numbers but trust me that is what saved my ass the first couple weeks!! Read as much as you can on here during the first few weeks, there is a whole lot of bullshit which from what I was told is the point, it keeps you distracted and it will! Get in the words of wisdom and read read read, ...read the sad stories of the ones that didn't make it, they serve as a grave reminder as to why we are all here, those guys posted until they literally could not physically post any longer so there is no excuse not to post roll for any of us... You should be in Junes group, head over there and vent, go off on people, help others... anything but use!!!
wrote:
To get something you have never had, you must do something you have never done
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worktowin
Posts
14,603
Quit Master
Mar 13, 2017 #3
Holy hell this is a great intro!
Quit Date 12/24/2012
HOF 4/2/2013
Comma 9/19/2015
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Missouri Mike
Posts
4,937
Quit Ninja
Mar 15, 2017 #4
Thanks, I do appreciate it. I just want others to know that anything is possible. For me, it was all God. If this link and pieces of my life story that I have posted in this site will help anyone else, that is what is most important to me. I find every breath as a blessing and hope anyone who can connect, it benefits them. Truly glad to be alive and sober today.
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Missouri Mike
Posts
4,937
Quit Ninja
Apr 30, 2017 #5
I have been thinking about adding to my introduction as a way to encourage others that life happens, and that we can manage to stay sober and clean thru our circumstances as they occur. When I started my journey of getting clean, I moved to Colorado, I attempted to go back to school, while working in construction. Most of the way through my associates degree in automotive technology, I was injured at work. I had my right arm go numb to the finger tips. I ended up with my arm in a cast sticking straight out for over three months, I was informed that I could not perform my duties I had been trained for. I became very depressed, unable to sleep due to the cast, the pain, and medical doctors telling me I was looking at losing the ability to use my right arm (hanging at my side with no use). I did have a surgery that helped with the pain, numbness, and the ability to use my arm; however, my physicians were trying to get me to accept a life of disability; they were encouraging me to apply for Social Security Disability. These were dark times for me, I could not believe that I had lived thru so much, yet facing the end of really living a meaningful life. I refused to give up on myself and life, yes I was still smoking a little weed, but I was not going to go back to drinking, smoking, and doing other things. I refused to believe that my life and living would be over. I was healing, I did not sign up for disability. I knew that I could not afford to live decently in Colorado on a degree I could not use and unable to do construction. I moved back to Missouri, found myself seeing friends who were still drinking and drugging. I found a job in Kansas City running equipment, I isolated myself from those I cared and loved. I knew I could not hang around with them. I felt very alone, but I knew I could not be around the booze and nicotine. I would be right back where I started.
I eventually ended up marrying the love of my life in a bizarre and tough way. Her grandmother Meme had been on us about when we would marry. I told her maybe in the fall. She informed me that stuff happens and that she may not be around, I blew that off. I received a call Meme was in ICU dying, the family gathered at her bedside, she was comatose. My fiancé and I found the hospital clergy and had a ceremony at her bedside in ICU. We were told she would not know what was happening, some family members were angry. We did it anyways. During the ceremony, I hear my sister in-law say, “Oh my God, she is crying” Meme had tears streaming down her face. My wife was here primary on her living will, she ordered life support measures removed right after the ceremony. Two hours later, she was gone. Due to not having a marriage license, we had to re-perform the ceremony. At the second ceremony, my mother was unable to attend from CO. Two hours before the ceremony, I received a call that my mother had a massive heart attack and they did not know if she would survive. I waited until the start time of the ceremony before I received a call that she was not well but in ICU. I was late to my own wedding. We performed the ceremony, cancelled all the honeymoon plans, I was in Denver 8.5 hours later. I spoke to her one time before she ended up on a ventilator. I lost my mother three days later. My three brothers showed up 15 minutes after she had died. We both looked at the deaths as a reunification of the ones we loved the most, with the ones they loved the most.
Now, my mother was the glue of our family and she had put me, the youngest, in charge of her estate. My oldest brother who was a multi-millionaire was pissed, my other brothers were angry too. Since that time, I have had little to no contact with my family.
About seven months after our second marriage, we bought a house together. Six months after that, my wife fell head first down the basement steps into a steel cabinet. She suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. She could not walk for three months or drive for nine months. I had to spend a lot of time at home. I eventually had to pay someone to live with us to help carry her to the bathroom and back, feed her, and keep an eye on her. The rest is just another story, you can imagine the debt racked up and different losses and difficulties life presented for me to be where I am today. My point is, that no matter what life threw at me, I did not go back to drinking, or smoking. I held on white knuckling it at times, just trying to get thru each day, one day at a time. If someone like me can go thru these things, all alone, and keep it together; you can too.
Last edited by Missouri Mike on 11:49 AM - Apr 30, 2017, edited 2 times in total.
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pab1964
Posts
38,229
Quit Date
12-28-2014
Superman of Quit
Apr 30, 2017 #6
God bless you Mike. We all get tried in life and you my brother handled it a helluva lot better than I would have
ROLL TIDE ROLL! God, Family and crappie fishing! I will always be an addict, but hopefully never a slave again!
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Richard K
Posts
10,626
Quit Date
28 March 2016
Quit Master
May 02, 2017 #7
Agree with Pab brother! The great part of this site is that we are here for each other! Can't wait to quit with you brother!! Love the talks on chat and my number is only a pm away!!
Intro
HOF
Sometimes I forget
Deeper than Nicotine.........................FLOOR.. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8
Why so hard on cavers?
It is very simple! We quit for today! We wake up! Do it again tomorrow!! One day at a time!
We walk in each others quit shoes, it may be a little different but ultimately the same exact thing
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Missouri Mike
Posts
4,937
Quit Ninja
May 19, 2017 #8
Thanks Richard, I appreciate that...
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Thumblewort
Posts
7,381
Quit Date
April 4, 2014
Quit Wizard
May 20, 2017 #9
Glad you are here sharing your life, proud to be quit with you today!
Some of my fondest and clearest memories are peeing in places that aren't bathrooms.
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worktowin
Posts
14,603
Quit Master
May 20, 2017 #10
Great to meet you and rewire yesterday. You guys are the real deal and are a big inspiration. Keep winning ODAAT and it becomes so much easier!
See you soon-
Quit Date 12/24/2012
HOF 4/2/2013
Comma 9/19/2015
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Stranger999
Posts
15,810
Quit Date
September 5th, 2015
Quit Jedi
May 20, 2017 #11
If you met worktowin and rewire then you are the real deal. I'm proud to quit with you today! B)B
My message in a bottle to FUTURE ME. It happens to also be my Intro here.
The Ocean
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danojeno
Posts
27,600
Quit Date
March 2, 2015
Superman of Quit
11:11 PM - Apr 16 #12
It was a real pleasure to meet you in person and hear some of your story. I'm so glad you found a way to use your experience to help others. I look forward to the next time.
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GrizzlySlave
Posts
1,081
Quit Date
July 22, 2017
Quit Ninja
8:52 PM - May 02 #13
WTF is a gorillia?
Expect to Crave
Reject the Cave
https://www.tickcounter.com/countup/25868/my-count-up Like
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Share
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ChickDip
Posts
21,034
Quit Date
3/30/2015
Superman of Quit
1:10 AM - Jun 01 #14
Congrats on 4,000 days quit!!
"The load doesn't weigh me down at all... he ain't heavy, he's my brother"
"Try to believe that you are worth more than you think, and others are worth more than you think."
"If you haven't... Quit now......If you have... Stay that way " ~AppleJack
"I am quit... for today... with you... but not FOR you" ~LBP
My intro , My HOF speech and My comma club
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tjschu
Posts
12,760
Quit Date
8/28/15
Quit Master
11:18 AM - Jun 01 #15
Congrats on 4000 days quit. Thanks for all you do here!
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scottludwig
Posts
2,308
Quit Date
11/2/16
Quit Ninja
12:00 AM - Jun 02 #16
Hey Mike, I first connected with you during an early point of my quit. It’s inspiring to know an extended life without drugs and alcohol is possible. I think of it often and work towards it on most days. Huge congratulations on another solid milestone. It’s good to be quit w you.
This is a non-proverbial, real no shit life or death matter for people with a real non-proverbial no shit chemical additions. miker
I threw a can in a river one day, and the next I bought a fuckin log. Humans are weak, especially addicts. Skol Viking
How many bad days I have now that I am a quitter vs, when I was a user. It always comes out that they are equal, just now I don't have to kill myself to get through what most people call life.
Administration of nicotine will summon the addiction back from the dungeon of dormancy and grant it full control of our lives.
