I'm at a crossroads of life. I just graduated college, got a good job and now I've moved to a city where I don't know anyone and I have about 15 more days until my job starts. So I figured I'd quit dipping.
I'm 23 now, I started smoking when I was 16 years old. (Mistake number one) I smoked all through High School and was addicted two months in. Nicotine and I have never been friends, to say the very least. I decided to quit before College started, endured the hell of that (and it was miserable) and quit for a year and a half. Never thought I'd start again, but I got drunk one night at a pool and took a drag as a joke. (Mistake number 2)
It hit like heroin and I was hooked for the rest of college. Until about 6 months ago, I said "I'm done smoking. I don't like it anymore." But I couldn't muster up the courage to face the nicotine withdrawals, so I picked up dipping. (Mistake number 3)
I had dipped before, very rarely, but I understood the concept. Born, raised and educated in deep Alabama, dipping was as common as a glass of sweet tea. I started off with Copenhagen straight, moved to grizzly wintergreen long cut and settled on Grizzly pouches because it was less messy.
Friday night, I finished a can at the bar. Saturday, I woke up, went for a dip, was out and said to myself "need to run to the gas station."
But it occurred to me, I don't know where one is. I'm new to the city I'm in. Haven't even been here a week. So I figured I could go out and look for a gas station, or I could do what I know I've needed to do for a long, long time.
I'm not a dipping addict. I'm not a smoking addict. I'm addicted to nicotine. The ways in which it enters my body are numerous. I've smoked, dipped, chewed, vaped, gummed patched-- hell, I even chewed these nicotine rocks a friend of mine in Highschool was into.
I have found every way under the sun to poison my body with a toxin that kept its grip on my like a best friend with no positive benefit to add that wouldn't just let the fuck go.
Well, I'm letting go now. So fuck the pack, fuck the can, fuck the Ecig, gum,
Patch, inhaler, whatever. I will not live my life under the pretense that I'm enslaved to a chemical.
I'm here, I'm an addict and I'm sharing the awful experience of withdrawal with you. Fuck Nicotine. Day 4 starts tomorrow.