I wrote a "Day 100 speech" specifically to post on Facebook to my friends and family (most of whom had no idea I was an addict or a quitter), and not one single person liked or commented on it except for... my wife. People are lazy as hell and clearly don't want to read anything that can't be condensed into a caption for a photo.
So, that was a waste of effort for people who clearly don't give a shit. I guess I'll just post it here for my own records.
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Today is Day 100 since I went cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine at the same time. I only want to talk about the nicotine side of things for now.
I have some things to say about that. First off, to be able to describe to non-users and non-quitters the intense difficulty that it is to quit would be an exercise in futility. You have either been through hell, or you haven't.
A bit about myself: I have been an addict for the past 12 years of my life. A slave to nicotine in one form or another. Cigarettes, dip/snus, nicotine gum, vaporizers, and patches have all made lengthy appearances in that time - some more than others. What began with me telling myself and other people "I'm not addicted; I can quit whenever I want" culminated with me reluctantly accepting my slavery. After all, nobody wants to admit they are weak. This eventually resulted in many failed "attempts" at quitting across the years.
Until now. This time it's different. Why? Because I never made it a single day without nicotine in my life until 24 October, 2015; that was the last time my body ever experienced a dose of its favorite drug. Now I am here before you, 100 days into my quit and acknowledging that I am still and forever will be an addict, but I will not act on it. I quit one day at a time, and I promise that I will not use today. Tomorrow, I will be there to make that same promise.
There is something that needs to be said for Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT - which includes gum, inhalers, patches, and vaporizers): it simply doesn't work. Yes, you quit your old delivery method. Congrats. But you're still a slave until you can kick all of it. You cannot go anywhere without bringing your drug along with you. If you do, you will flip out. You will worry about when you're going to be able to get your next dose. You cannot enjoy life without it. Yet still you refuse to accept this and will continue to tell people how free you are because you "quit smoking" or "quit chewing." You may have removed the carcinogens, but make no mistake, you are still very much bought and paid for by a drug which determines where you go, what you do, and for how long before you have to act on your need for it.
That is not freedom.
A bit about quitting: with nicotine, there is no such thing as tapering. Your body either gets its expected dose through the day, or it goes into withdrawal. Simple as that. The nicotine gum advocates and the vaping industry especially will sell you this lie that you can taper down your dosage. You cannot. You can reduce the level of nicotine in the gum or juice, but you will wind up using more just to get the same dose your body wants. Tapering is a cold lie.
If you're thinking about quitting, cold turkey is the only way to do it.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, withdrawals will test your strength right down to your very soul. Yes, it is like quitting heroin, except worse in some ways because of how easy it is to acquire.
No, it will not be over in 3 days or a week, or whatever bullshit you've been told. The only exception here might be for SMOKERS - most of you guys have it easy because you can put down your habit for several hours through the day before you need a fix, so you will likely recover from the worst withdrawals faster. The rest are either casual users (soon-to-be-addicts) who need no mention here, and all-day users in need of a dose during each hour of the day (like me).
The worst of my experience lasted a whopping 76 days or so. It wasn't until then that I really started to expect there would be an end to this hell. Imagine waking up every morning, for 76 days, and your heart is rapidly beating with adrenaline and your mind is racing with intense, paralyzing fear BEFORE you ever open your eyes. Imagine this was how you lived all day every day. Imagine yourself breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing fits for no reason. Imagine thinking that something is physically and psychologically wrong with you and that you will never be normal again. Imagine your despair as every system in your body short-circuits and attacks you in an attempt to get you back to using the drug is has grown to need.
And then imagine your relief when all of that stops. The sky opens up and the sun shines down on your face.
That's where I am. It's not over, and I still experience ups and downs. The difference between then and now is that the ups are becoming longer and more noticeable than the downs. I have reached a turning point. I can breathe. I can see clearly. I can think without battling a haze of confusion. I am more in control of myself. I sleep better than I ever have in my life. I am happy.
If you aren't a user: I pray that you never start. It's NOT worth it.
If you are a smoker/chewer: I pray that someday you will quit before your family has to bury you as a result of your addiction. It's worth it.
If you are a vaper or other NRT user: I pray that you will stop deluding yourself that simply "quitting tobacco" is the end goal, and make a genuine effort. It's worth it.
Life is so much better now. I quit every day for the past 100 days, and I will be here to quit tomorrow.
