Already caved. Too weak minded and controlled by addiction. Can't believe it. Obviously not committed enough. Can't even say I tried when I didn't even make it 48 hours. Sad shit. Can't even feel sorry for myself, felt like I was on autopilot driving to the gas station. Sorry boys. To those who have quit fucking props to y'all, it is inspiring and I refuse to accept defeat. I will get there one day. One fail doesn't define me. Have to reevaluate what went wrong and come at it with a better gameplan. Didn't put the effort required in, and downplayed my addiction. Felt so sick and unhealthy today and school is kicking my ass and I keep coming back to this dumbass shit as a release mechanism. Deeply disappointed in myself. Hate that I let y'all down, but that is primarily the issue. Quitting has to be for me. Not for fear of letting people down. Don't know where to go from here.
I just have to point out something here. You say you are controlled by addiction. Remember, that is a choice. You can choose to let it control you or choose to not let it control you.
Only YOU can put poison into your lip. That goes both ways... only YOU can prevent it from going into your lip.
Now, you caved. There are consequences for that on this site. But there is redemption. Do you want to be owned and controlled by a dead plant in a can that you waste money on to kill yourself or do you want freedom?
This isn't a rhetorical question. Answer and then we know where you stand.
I want freedom. I want it so so bad. My personality throughout my whole life has been to be so dedicated to something and then in a split second completely change my passions and tendencies and thats what happened today. I'm ashamed of my failure. I want to succeed.
Get over the failure and get on your quit. Get over the fear of accountability and share some digits with folks going through the same shit you are. I’ve
Sent you a PM with my digits. Anyone that asks me for help will get mine in return, and I WILL quit with you and keep you straight, but the next step isn’t mine to take...so what’s it gonna be?
As I'm sitting here reading this, and contemplating sharing my story of hesitation to give out my number, low and behold I get a text from ^^^this guy^^^, just saying hey and throwing out support for the weekend. Delahunt I get it man, but I exchanged digits with Enuff in the very beginning of our group, and he has yet to creep on me. We've chatted occasionally, thrown out support, and I know where to reach him if I get in a bind. He's legit, and only interested in quitting and supporting your quit. I guess what I 'm trying to say is you can trust EnuffSnuff to share digits, it'd be a good start to overcoming your trepidation.
Don't just take my word, spend a few hours digging through and see that your fears of sharing are not special. Most of us have been there, but the ones who get past that and share are setting up for an actual quit. I said the same stupid addict shit, my phone is now loaded with numbers of people from KTC that I trust and that can trust me. My quit is strong, but I had to make it that way by first realizing I'm no different than any of these other quitters, and secondly heed their advice based on the "I'm not special" realization.
