New quitter

[AppleJack]

Day 47 - Made it through a week away from home business trip for the first time since I quit. The business trips usually involve late nights and taking clients out for drinks after a long day. It has been one of my constant worries since I quit. I was thankful that none of the clients dipped although there were several smokers and even a few cigars (which I really used to like) being passed around. It was tough but I had a plan and I stuck to it. One thing I prepared for explicitly is that alcohol is a serious threat to my quit. There were several times that had I had another couple of drinks in me, I am pretty sure the 7-11 next store would have been a can of Cope lighter. But I stuck to my plan and relied on KTC when I wasn't out and about. Thanks to all my brothers who helped support me. Quit for today!

And in this victory....fear takes its rightful place in the backseat and you own this on another level that YOU created.

Badass, man. Badass.

Freedom is all around you...

[mattlock]

Day 47 - Made it through a week away from home business trip for the first time since I quit. The business trips usually involve late nights and taking clients out for drinks after a long day. It has been one of my constant worries since I quit. I was thankful that none of the clients dipped although there were several smokers and even a few cigars (which I really used to like) being passed around. It was tough but I had a plan and I stuck to it. One thing I prepared for explicitly is that alcohol is a serious threat to my quit. There were several times that had I had another couple of drinks in me, I am pretty sure the 7-11 next store would have been a can of Cope lighter. But I stuck to my plan and relied on KTC when I wasn't out and about. Thanks to all my brothers who helped support me. Quit for today!

[Thumblewort]

I didn't think my lawn mower was going to work if I didn't have a dip in. I was wrong.

It takes a year to hit most of the triggers and get beyond them............after awhile you realize they were all just excuses to use again.

[brettlees]

Way to go Matlack you are building a strong quit. It's great that you log your experiences here too- lets others behind you see what you've been through. Lets them know they aren't alone in... Fog, travel anxieties, etc etc. I remember my first trip clean-- what a revelation to be free! Logged it in intros of course. You're kicking butt- keep being diligent and keep winning!!

[mattlock]

Day 39...

Tough day today. The fog has finally lifted for me in the last week or so. BUT I had some minor and 1 major fuckups at work in the last month at least partially due to lack of focus, rage and/or fog. (To anyone else going through this, maybe have someone else double check your work for you own sanity until you feel like you've returned to semi-normal.) I am a bit of a perfectionist so this hit me pretty hard and I was pretty down. Then around lunchtime I realized that even though I was a bit depressed, I hadn't even really had any craves today, much less thoughts of caving. That was a huge win for me so I wanted to go back on this thread and populate some other big wins I've had in the last couple weeks - Things I've never done without a dip in and which are all major triggers:

* Mowed the grass
* Went fishing
* Shooting at the gun range
* Went Hiking
* Several long drives (always a HUGE trigger)

Tomorrow I go on my first trip away from home since I quit. That has me a little worried as alcohol is usually involved on these trips and most of the caves I have seen usually started that way. So I made a plan. WUPP, 2 drink maximum, bring plenty of fake/gum/candy. If I feel the need to cave, sign the printed contract in my wallet, text every number in my phone asking for permission if I feel the need to cave and only when I get permission from someone on my KTC list can I give in to the nic bitch. I am sticking with that plan and I will be successful ODAAT thanks to the brotherhood and accountability found here.

Holding your ass to that plan. You have to get a verbal okay from me to cave. You think you can do that?

You got it Candoit! That's a deal.

[Candoit]

Day 39...

Tough day today. The fog has finally lifted for me in the last week or so. BUT I had some minor and 1 major fuckups at work in the last month at least partially due to lack of focus, rage and/or fog. (To anyone else going through this, maybe have someone else double check your work for you own sanity until you feel like you've returned to semi-normal.) I am a bit of a perfectionist so this hit me pretty hard and I was pretty down. Then around lunchtime I realized that even though I was a bit depressed, I hadn't even really had any craves today, much less thoughts of caving. That was a huge win for me so I wanted to go back on this thread and populate some other big wins I've had in the last couple weeks - Things I've never done without a dip in and which are all major triggers:

* Mowed the grass
* Went fishing
* Shooting at the gun range
* Went Hiking
* Several long drives (always a HUGE trigger)

Tomorrow I go on my first trip away from home since I quit. That has me a little worried as alcohol is usually involved on these trips and most of the caves I have seen usually started that way. So I made a plan. WUPP, 2 drink maximum, bring plenty of fake/gum/candy. If I feel the need to cave, sign the printed contract in my wallet, text every number in my phone asking for permission if I feel the need to cave and only when I get permission from someone on my KTC list can I give in to the nic bitch. I am sticking with that plan and I will be successful ODAAT thanks to the brotherhood and accountability found here.

Holding your ass to that plan. You have to get a verbal okay from me to cave. You think you can do that?

[mattlock]

Day 39...

Tough day today. The fog has finally lifted for me in the last week or so. BUT I had some minor and 1 major fuckups at work in the last month at least partially due to lack of focus, rage and/or fog. (To anyone else going through this, maybe have someone else double check your work for you own sanity until you feel like you've returned to semi-normal.) I am a bit of a perfectionist so this hit me pretty hard and I was pretty down. Then around lunchtime I realized that even though I was a bit depressed, I hadn't even really had any craves today, much less thoughts of caving. That was a huge win for me so I wanted to go back on this thread and populate some other big wins I've had in the last couple weeks - Things I've never done without a dip in and which are all major triggers:

* Mowed the grass
* Went fishing
* Shooting at the gun range
* Went Hiking
* Several long drives (always a HUGE trigger)

Tomorrow I go on my first trip away from home since I quit. That has me a little worried as alcohol is usually involved on these trips and most of the caves I have seen usually started that way. So I made a plan. WUPP, 2 drink maximum, bring plenty of fake/gum/candy. If I feel the need to cave, sign the printed contract in my wallet, text every number in my phone asking for permission if I feel the need to cave and only when I get permission from someone on my KTC list can I give in to the nic bitch. I am sticking with that plan and I will be successful ODAAT thanks to the brotherhood and accountability found here.

[mattlock]

Day 5 - Feeling pretty good today. No real big cravings, having the Smokey works well in that regard. I start to get a craving and I stick some of that in and bam, the cravings are gone. Lady G is right, who gives a crap about how it tastes so long as it keeps the poison out. I can't believe I ever thought that Kodiak and Copenhagen ever tasted good. WTF was I thinking? The shit your mind makes up to keep you coming back for more dopamine is really pretty impressive. But that's the difference between habit and addiction.

[mattlock]

Today was not too bad. Fog was still there, more intense at times but for shorter overall than it was yesterday. I get the whole out-of-body experience people say they sometimes get with this. It is a pretty f*^%*@# intense feeling. Find myself laughing at stuff that I really shouldn't be laughing at. Getting angry and frustrated at other stuff that would normally make me chuckle. Lucky for me I work from home and although I travel 50-75% of the time, I have no travel planned for the next month. That means I am not yelling at customers, just my wife and kids :( Because of that I am trying to make sure I am setting myself up for success as much as possible. I am using Smokey Wintergreen (tastes like a bucket of ass but it gets me through the craves) and seeds. The salt is messing with the sores in my mouth a bit, so I think I am going to try to cut back a little on those tomorrow. Cravings have so far been tolerable, hoping it stays that way. Even if doesn't though, FU Nic, I ain't going back. Not today. I gave my word. Stay strong brothers.

Don't take it out on your wife and kiddos. This isn't their fault. Come here.....like to the chat room.....and bitch and moan. We can take it. We have all been there. Who cares what Smokey Mountain tastes like. If using it keeps nicotine out of your mouth than consider that a win my man. Seeds fuck your mouth up. Fact. Nicotine can cause you to lose your jaw. So not attractive at all. So - opt for some seed fucked-up-age. (Yeah, I create my own words)

FOGGY days are hell. But......it is one minute, hour and day that you haven't used.

Remember how awful they are.....keep your word.....and you will never have to repeat them. It gets better from there.....I promise.....

Lady G kicking nic's ass with you today. FU nicotine.

Thanks Lady G! I read your intro and you and the rest of the ladies here are awe inspiring.

I am trying really hard not to take it out on my wife and kids, and so far at least according to her, I am doing very well on that front. But its always in the front of my mind and I want to treat them like they deserve to be treated.

[Stranger999]

We all need decide at some point - are we going to quit? Once you have made that decision do what you can to support that decision. Get here every day and connect with folks in your quit group. Find some people that you will make sure post roll every morning. Find some people that will check to see that you are here every morning. We all look out for each other. :)

[Ginet]

Today was not too bad. Fog was still there, more intense at times but for shorter overall than it was yesterday. I get the whole out-of-body experience people say they sometimes get with this. It is a pretty f*^%*@# intense feeling. Find myself laughing at stuff that I really shouldn't be laughing at. Getting angry and frustrated at other stuff that would normally make me chuckle. Lucky for me I work from home and although I travel 50-75% of the time, I have no travel planned for the next month. That means I am not yelling at customers, just my wife and kids :( Because of that I am trying to make sure I am setting myself up for success as much as possible. I am using Smokey Wintergreen (tastes like a bucket of ass but it gets me through the craves) and seeds. The salt is messing with the sores in my mouth a bit, so I think I am going to try to cut back a little on those tomorrow. Cravings have so far been tolerable, hoping it stays that way. Even if doesn't though, FU Nic, I ain't going back. Not today. I gave my word. Stay strong brothers.

Don't take it out on your wife and kiddos. This isn't their fault. Come here.....like to the chat room.....and bitch and moan. We can take it. We have all been there. Who cares what Smokey Mountain tastes like. If using it keeps nicotine out of your mouth than consider that a win my man. Seeds fuck your mouth up. Fact. Nicotine can cause you to lose your jaw. So not attractive at all. So - opt for some seed fucked-up-age. (Yeah, I create my own words)

FOGGY days are hell. But......it is one minute, hour and day that you haven't used.

Remember how awful they are.....keep your word.....and you will never have to repeat them. It gets better from there.....I promise.....

Lady G kicking nic's ass with you today. FU nicotine.

[mattlock]

Today was not too bad. Fog was still there, more intense at times but for shorter overall than it was yesterday. I get the whole out-of-body experience people say they sometimes get with this. It is a pretty f*^%*@# intense feeling. Find myself laughing at stuff that I really shouldn't be laughing at. Getting angry and frustrated at other stuff that would normally make me chuckle. Lucky for me I work from home and although I travel 50-75% of the time, I have no travel planned for the next month. That means I am not yelling at customers, just my wife and kids :( Because of that I am trying to make sure I am setting myself up for success as much as possible. I am using Smokey Wintergreen (tastes like a bucket of ass but it gets me through the craves) and seeds. The salt is messing with the sores in my mouth a bit, so I think I am going to try to cut back a little on those tomorrow. Cravings have so far been tolerable, hoping it stays that way. Even if doesn't though, FU Nic, I ain't going back. Not today. I gave my word. Stay strong brothers.

[Cope30]

Congrats on the quit Mattlock. The addiction is some thing that you will take to your grave, all we can do is manage it while we are on this side of the dirt.
Manage it well or she will kick your ass and make you her slave again.
I quit with you today brother.

[mattlock]

First, mattlock, welcome to our group.

Second, and this probably doesn't belong in your intro, and I'm sorry to put it here, but this is where it hit me; I've always thought that you don't quit something until you die. You can only stop.

I'm open to responses to this from the vets, but really, this probably belongs in the June 2016 group.

Thanks Irish for the welcome. And this is, last I checked is a forum, so post what you want where you want.

I used to think about it the same as you, once you're dead you finally quit everything. But I have changed my views a bit lately. I am coming to realize that quitting is an act of will. I wasn't kidding when I said that every time I stopped before the motivation was for someone or something else. And as soon as that person or thing made me more upset than I cared about them, I was off to the races again. It really was just a pause in the using but the addiction was still there. Addiction is a passive act, it takes no effort to continue down that path. Quitting is not a passive act. It is an act of will. You have to actively maintain your quit or you will sink back into the abyss again. Anyway, this concludes the "Thoughts from the Fog" segment today ;)

[wildirish317]

quitting again? please explain

Glad you're here and welcome but you should clarify your quit.

Mogul makes a great point, here.

You need to really evaluate why you're here and what you want to accomplish.

You can't say that you "quit many times" if you continuously ran back to putting cancer in your lip. That's called stopping.

Quitting is what we do here every day. You put your name on the line and are held to your word that you're not going to use nicotine in any form for that day. Just one day. Don't worry about tomorrow. Quit for today. Once we get through today, we come back and do it all over again.

That's how to quit. Stopping and picking it back up is something many of us have done, but it isn't quitting.

I get what you are saying. That's one of the things I need to change in this fight. To be clearer and more definitive in my vocabulary. So let me clarify. I have stopped, paused, whatever you want to call it, many times in the past 30 years but have never sacked up enough to actually quit. In the past the motivation to stop was always about someone else. This time, I quit for me.

First, mattlock, welcome to our group.

Second, and this probably doesn't belong in your intro, and I'm sorry to put it here, but this is where it hit me; I've always thought that you don't quit something until you die. You can only stop.

I'm open to responses to this from the vets, but really, this probably belongs in the June 2016 group.