Good evening, people of KTC.org.
My name's Chris, and I'm about to -- in 48 hours -- I HAVE QUIT TONIGHT, BECAUSE FUCK DIP. --Chris quit a habit that has dominated my waking (and sleeping) thoughts for the past two years and two months of my life (I'm 23).
I'm an infantry officer with the Canadian Army, and the nature of my employment is what started me down this foolish path. On my training courses earlier on in my career, where one is expected to stay awake and perform like a machine for days on end with little-to-no food or sleep, smokeless tobacco was a mainstay among candidates for its stimulant effects. Often this means the difference between leading a successful attack or reconnaissance or whatever you're doing, getting a good evaluation from an instructor and passing your courses, all cheers. I didn't want to risk falling asleep on the march and failing my course, so I used tobacco to get through the tougher bits. Unfortunately the smokeless habit followed me back home from the infantry school in New Brunswick, and is now a daily indulgence. I don't know if that's the right word anymore, as an indulgence is some type of sinful but satisfying behaviour... There's no good feelings dipping anymore, I just feel like an idiot who's going to die at 28 because of a rotting jaw, or worse, having a hole plugged in my oesophagus so I can eat when my mouth and tongue get removed.
I used snus and Skoal dip interchangeably since then, mostly Swedish snus which I can order online for very cheap and we don't get nailed import duties in my province on smokeless tobacco apparently (two years of $100 orders every 4 months or so and I'm yet to be hit with duty) so there was little incentive to stop financially, although a standard US-size tin of the Skoal or Copenhagen variety runs $28 at any service station due to our taxes. Overall, I've never felt a monetary incentive to quit. It's really only recently that I've been thinking hard about the ramifications of, God forbid, what happens if I do end up getting cancer from this product.
I think about my friends, my family, my girlfriend- It's a terrifying thought, and it has often kept me up at night. I'd be ruining their lives. Sometimes I really do get quite emotional about it, because I feel like I'd do anything to prevent hurting these people whom I love so much. Why is quitting so hard? I'm just sick of this insanity that I've had to deal with these past couple years, knowing full well what it could lead to, and how it's entirely my fault for ACTUALLY MAKING THE DECISION to start it.
Sorry if this all seems like a ridiculously long intro post, but I should mention I'm also a secret dipper. My parents and girlfriend still don't even know, although my girlfriend does know that I used snus on occasion when I'm working outside, she really hates it. This is just the first I'm I've ever been able to vent any of my frustrations, and it feels great I must say.
Anyway. I'm 23 years old and I've quit a habit which has come to be my only regret in life. All the best to my fellow quitters, thanks for reading.
Cheers.
