Please tell me what you think;

[babyk77]

thanks for the replies. I don't want it to be for me. I want him to do it for him and hopefully if he does actually decide to take the step and give it another try to quit this time he can do it for him. I never even talk to him about it anymore he was the one that brought it up. I know the only way he will stop is for him. But I apperciate all the advice!!!

[G]

Now that my wife knows I'm quit, she understands the whole "it had to be for me and my reasons" concept. I'd disappointed her at every juncture. I was supposed to quit after bar exam, before marriage, after we were married, before we decided to have kids, before kid was born, after kid was born. I was "supposed" to quit. I didn't "want" to quit. When it comes to addiction, there's no team who can make the decision, only an "I." Only after that decision has been made can the team offer help and support.

Your husband needs to be here. Unfortunately, you can't control that decision either.

[Gordy]

I mean either way I would be happy if he quits, I don't want him doing it.... But I can't help but feel bothered that it was so much easier to do it now because he was told by his mom but more so because of $$$$, and my feelings and thoughts just meant nothing to him all this time again I will as and than who am I? Am I looking at this wrong? Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance!!!

Why don't you start by getting over yourself? Way to make it about you and your feelings. Just be glad there is a reason good enough now to get the result you have longed for and move on.

[syndrome]

rite bout now this otta be soundin like a broke record. and by that i mean its gonna sound just like them other 3 threds you got.

you aint gonna make him quit. naggin or bitchin aint gonna do no good.
hes gotta disside that on his own.

and as mean as he sounds my buddy notdeadyet is spot on. him quittiins got nothin to do with you. and evry time it was gess what? it failed.

and gess what else. my wife dint like it neether. and i quit cuz a insurinse to. but it was my helth insurinse. and cuz they said they'd back charge me to day 1 a the discount if they did a test and cot me with nick. im a cheep basterd. and man when i dint spend like $10 a week on dip that was a bonis.

[eric71]

People are motivated by many issues, not the least of which is money. Family will almost always accept you for who you are regardless of THEIR wants and goals for you. I say, if the money saving starts his quit, take it and run with it. He is going to need you for the encouragement and support after the fact. The payback you get down the line as a result of your support will be well worth it.

Bottom line is, "Do you want him quit or not?" If the answer is yes, should the motivation matter?

[Kubiak]

It shouldn't matter what the reason is, a quit is a quit, he should really quit for himself and his health, to get rid of the slavery to the can, not for you nor his mommy. When times get tough he needs to quit for himself. Be there to support him, don't be selfish about why he's quitting.

[TSNUS]

How does the saying go, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. My wife and kids nagged me constantly to quit, but until I decided on my own that I was sick of lying to myself, and killing myself dip by dip, there was no stopping me.

Try encouraging him while he quits for insurance, and helping him any way you can, definitely don't nag.

[Wt57]

So did you cave?

If he quits for you or for insurance it won't last!!!

[Notdeadyet]

Hi everyone,

Haven't posted in awhile, yes now married and husband is still chewing I have listened to all the advice giving to me on this board and just stopped talking about it. Come to understand that he has to quit. Fast forward to this week. I get a phone call from my MIL pertaining to getting him life insurance and I said well that is going to be expensive considering the chewing, and she said and I quote well being it costs so much he will quit and I said well good luck with that he has known how bad it hurts and bothers me that he does it and has continued doing it to which the reply was made, yes well money is important to _______ so he will quit, I was so offended but more hurt, I thought ok and who am I?

Well than last night he says to me I am really bugged about this chewing thing and I said oh yeah how so? (Mind you this man has never brought up wanting to quit since I found out he was doing it again). But now since being pushed or rather told he has to quit, now he is thinking and telling me he has been wanting to quit for some time (for us), but if he does it now it will seem like he is doing it for the money, (to save money for insurance purposes). I just think that is exactly what it is for it has nothing to do with us. We have been down that road the first time he quit when he said he did it for me and us, than told me he lied, see earlier posts.

I mean either way I would be happy if he quits, I don't want him doing it.... But I can't help but feel bothered that it was so much easier to do it now because he was told by his mom but more so because of $$$$, and my feelings and thoughts just meant nothing to him all this time again I will as and than who am I? Am I looking at this wrong? Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance!!!

How about you quit being so self-centered. It ain't about you baby. Never was. Never will be. Hubby is a nicotine drug addict and frankly whatever motivates him to quit is a good thing. Don't fuck it up by trying to make it about you and annoying him into sticking with chew.

[SirDerek]

Hi everyone,

Haven't posted in awhile, yes now married and husband is still chewing I have listened to all the advice giving to me on this board and just stopped talking about it. Come to understand that he has to quit. Fast forward to this week. I get a phone call from my MIL pertaining to getting him life insurance and I said well that is going to be expensive considering the chewing, and she said and I quote well being it costs so much he will quit and I said well good luck with that he has known how bad it hurts and bothers me that he does it and has continued doing it to which the reply was made, yes well money is important to _______ so he will quit, I was so offended but more hurt, I thought ok and who am I?

Well than last night he says to me I am really bugged about this chewing thing and I said oh yeah how so? (Mind you this man has never brought up wanting to quit since I found out he was doing it again). But now since being pushed or rather told he has to quit, now he is thinking and telling me he has been wanting to quit for some time (for us), but if he does it now it will seem like he is doing it for the money, (to save money for insurance purposes). I just think that is exactly what it is for it has nothing to do with us. We have been down that road the first time he quit when he said he did it for me and us, than told me he lied, see earlier posts.

I mean either way I would be happy if he quits, I don't want him doing it.... But I can't help but feel bothered that it was so much easier to do it now because he was told by his mom but more so because of $$$$, and my feelings and thoughts just meant nothing to him all this time again I will as and than who am I? Am I looking at this wrong? Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance!!!

babyk - your concerns about the quit not being solely for his own health are well based as if he does not want it deep down, and I hate to say, but one the lower rate is gotten there is nothing to ensure he won't go back to the nic lady.

I would suggest if he has the time, to jump into the Live Chat at some point in the evenings and talk live to a few of us in there. It is not that we can 'force' him to start to alter his thinking, but maybe something will spur him to think more on his own to look deep and come to the conclusion that quitting will be the best decision he can make.

There is also tons of stories and information on the site here that he can read up on.

[babyk77]

Hi everyone,

Haven't posted in awhile, yes now married and husband is still chewing I have listened to all the advice giving to me on this board and just stopped talking about it. Come to understand that he has to quit. Fast forward to this week. I get a phone call from my MIL pertaining to getting him life insurance and I said well that is going to be expensive considering the chewing, and she said and I quote well being it costs so much he will quit and I said well good luck with that he has known how bad it hurts and bothers me that he does it and has continued doing it to which the reply was made, yes well money is important to _______ so he will quit, I was so offended but more hurt, I thought ok and who am I?

Well than last night he says to me I am really bugged about this chewing thing and I said oh yeah how so? (Mind you this man has never brought up wanting to quit since I found out he was doing it again). But now since being pushed or rather told he has to quit, now he is thinking and telling me he has been wanting to quit for some time (for us), but if he does it now it will seem like he is doing it for the money, (to save money for insurance purposes). I just think that is exactly what it is for it has nothing to do with us. We have been down that road the first time he quit when he said he did it for me and us, than told me he lied, see earlier posts.

I mean either way I would be happy if he quits, I don't want him doing it.... But I can't help but feel bothered that it was so much easier to do it now because he was told by his mom but more so because of $$$$, and my feelings and thoughts just meant nothing to him all this time again I will as and than who am I? Am I looking at this wrong? Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance!!!

[Mr Nice Guy]

Pull out some women-jedi-mind-trick-mind-fuck-guilt trip- games with him to get him to consider quitting.

Or withhold sex...wait, that might be bad for you too. Nevermind.

Just make damn sure he knows every time he finger fucks that can that he is hurting himself AND you. Whatever way that is, i cant tell you. P{robably different for everyone.

[babyk77]

Thank you all so much for the words of advice, I really apperciate it!!

Babyk77

[Greg5280]

The Real You

Try to remember if you can, what it was like being you? Not the chemically dependant you, the REAL you. What was it like to function every morning without nicotine? To finish a meal, travel, talk on the phone, have a disagreement, start a project or take a break without putting nicotine into your body? What was it like before nicotine took control? What was it like residing inside a mind that did not crave for nicotine? Can you remember? For most of us our addiction has controlled us so long we cannot remember the “real” us.

One of the most terrifying aspects of drug addiction is just how quickly nearly all remaining memory of life without the external chemical are buried by high definition dopamine induced memories generated by using it. It's a common thread among all drug addicts. And make no mistakes, you too are an addict.

Slaves to the world of "nicotine normal," we were each provided a new identity. The nicotine dependant, addict. Captive brain dopamine pathways did their designed job and did it well. They left us convinced that our next nicotine fix was central to survival, as important as drinking water or eating food. How many of you passed up food to buy a can? How many times did you skip time with family to feed your addiction ?

Why do we fear quitting? Although the word "quitting" has to be a part of the fabric of successful nicotine cessation, such thinking can unconsciously tease and play upon old nicotine use memories, making us feel as though we've left something of tremendous value behind. If allowed, it can tease and inflame false fears, fears born of nicotine urge and replenishment memories, strong vivid memories whose purpose were to convince us that nicotine is vital to survival, memories that should never have been present in the first place, memories only made possible because a poison substance entered the brain and was able to disrupt your normal thought processes.

When you think about "quitting" I hope you stop and realize when the real "quitting" took place. You quit being you the first moment nicotine entered your bloodstream. Quitting nicotine is about recognizing and embracing the truth but be prepared; learning that for years we were fooled ourselves and lived a lie can invoke a host of emotions including depression, apathy, confusion and anger. Start your journey with baby steps, patience, honesty and you too will soon be entirely comfortable again engaging all aspects of life without nicotine. Contrary to deeply held beliefs that were pounded into your brain by an endless cycle of urges and rewards, and lies pumped into you by Big Tobacco, you are leaving absolutely nothing of value behind.

Is there really anything to fear? Why be afraid of returning to a calm and quiet place where you no longer crave a chemical that today, every day for as long as you can remember you cannot seem to get off your mind, a chemical that is a mandatory part of every day's plan? Is freedom of thought and action a good thing or bad? If good, then why fear life without a chemical that is controlling you? A chemical that is killing you.

How wonderful would it be to again live inside an undisturbed, non-poisoned mind where addiction chatter gradually becomes infrequent, then rare? Again, I ask you, "What was it like being you?"

Why fear coming home?

[Greg5280]

Nicotine is Highly Addictive

The nicotine in tobacco moves into the bloodstream and up to the users brain within 7 to 10 seconds. Once there, nicotine triggers a number of chemical reactions that create temporary feelings of pleasure for the user, but these sensations are short-lived, subsiding within minutes. As the nicotine level drops in the blood, users feel edgy and agitated -- the start of nicotine withdrawal. So, in order to relieve the discomforts, addicts feed there addictions...and then again..and again. And so it goes -- the vicious cycle of nicotine addiction. One cigarette, one dip, one chew is never enough, a fact that every addict knows all too well.

In order to quit successfully for the long term, it helps to understand the nature of nicotine addiction and what it takes to break free of it. In fact, users are often surprised to learn that they are addicted to a substance in the first place. Many of us believed that smoking, dipping, chewing was just a bad habit; something we could stop easily when we decided it was time. Sound Familiar ?

Let's take a look at how nicotine affects brain chemistry and begin the educational process that will help us battle this addiction to the ground, once and for all.

Nicotine and Adrenaline
When a person receives nicotine, the nicotine is rapidly absorbed into the blood and starts affecting the brain within 10 seconds. Nicotine is a natural herbicide, your body knows it should not be there and the result is the release of adrenaline, the "fight or flight" hormone. Physically, adrenaline increases a person's heart rate, blood pressure and restricts blood flow to the heart muscle. When this occurs, the user experiences rapid, shallow breathing and the feeling of a racing heartbeat. Adrenaline also instructs the body to dump excess glucose into the bloodstream.

Nicotine and Insulin
Nicotine also inhibits the release of insulin from the pancreas, a hormone that is responsible for removing excess sugar from a person's blood. This leaves the user in a slightly hyperglycemic condition, meaning he/she has more sugar in his blood than is normal. High blood sugar acts as an appetite suppressant, which may be why users think their habits reduce hunger.

Nicotine and Dopamine
Nicotine activates the same reward pathways in the brain that other drugs of abuse such as cocaine or amphetamines do, although to a lesser degree. Research has shown that nicotine increases the level of dopamine in the brain, a neurotransmitter that is responsible for feelings of pleasure and well-being. The acute effects of nicotine wear off within minutes, so people must continue dosing themselves frequently throughout the day to maintain the pleasurable effects of nicotine and to prevent withdrawal symptoms.


Recovery from nicotine addiction is a process of gradual release over time.

It doesn't happen overnight, but with perseverance, freedom from nicotine addiction is doable, and will pay you back with benefits that go well beyond what you can probably imagine. Don't offer up another day of your precious life to tobacco - stop today.