Quitting while hiding it

[Cornholio]

Welcome Mike. We have so many similarities, it's scary.

My name is Michael D
I hid my drinking problem. Quit April last year.
I hid my nic use.

Now if you don't change your lying ways, what happens next is divorce, job loss, and bankruptcy. You'll see your kids (if you have any) every other weekend and you'll get to experience regret so strong, it'll make you sick. Literally.

Something times we just have to hit bottom before we realize the truth about ourselves.

Be the man you're capable of being. Not perfect. But honest. Recognize your weaknesses and admit them. Your not going to be hated for trusting somebody enough to be honest. You will be hated for lying. She'll always question what she knows about you. Nobody is perfect and if you're portraying yourself as perfect, then it's up to others to figure out what is wrong with you. Maybe you cheated on her too. Where does she draw the line in forming her own conclusions?

You are human. If you love her, show it by being honest going forward. Let her know you are sorry to be a disappointment and that you would like her help in making you better.

Congrats on the day 1 man. Smart move. Don't worry about what might happen or what you might say. Just focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be.

I have absolutely nothing pertinent to add to this other than just wanting to to say,

I too am yet another Michael D! Michael David
Mike1966 for short

Well shit then. Let's just make this the Mike D forum!

Pretty close on years too. I'm 1967.

[Cornholio]

I wanted to add something. I did cheat on my wife. Completely self destructed from that. I punished myself big time for it. If only I was honest with her about it. Who knows where I would be today. Instead I became an alcoholic and drug user to escape from my own misery. I lost interest in my job and lost it for doing retarded things that I know would get me fired when caught. I thought telling my wife that I cheated on her would be impossible to do and the repercussion for that would be unbearable. Man, was I ever wrong. The repercussion from holding that kind of shit inside is WAY more destructive. I would give anything to have a redo.

Just one of those things we hear, but don't accept. "Honesty is the best policy" or 'Honesty is the glue that holds a marriage together." Yeah...right, I thought. Telling her I am a drug addict will hold my marriage together? no way. Telling her I am a cheater? No fucking way will that help the marriage. But I was dead wrong. And if you think about it at a deeper level, those issues are there regardless if she knows about them or not. YOU know about them and it's something that exists in the relationship either way. It effects how much your available, how much you contribute, how much you work to make the marriage stronger. They ultimately tear the marriage apart anyway. Being upfront about them might tear the marriage apart. Maybe. But normally they don't. The odds are much much higher that we GROW and get BETTER instead.

I met this wonderful women a couple years ago. She is the shit. I was still struggling with divorce and job loss early in our relationship. I was using alcohol to deal with those issues. I became an all day drunk in no time starting with vodka in my coffee, a bottle stashed in the house, and one in my car. At my peak, I had to drink in the middle of the night to stave off panic attacks. I was a hot mess. That's when my honesty started. I told her what was happening. Did she leave me? no. She listened and offered love and support. She let me talk myself to the point of finding my own answers. That really opened the truth can for me. I honestly felt she loved me more because I approached her with it. That really does show a special level of trust and love just doing that. I think they know that. Most people understand that at the deepest level. If you share crap like that, they see it as though you trust them with your darkest secrets. That's pretty damn cool.

[Mike1966]

Welcome Mike. We have so many similarities, it's scary.

My name is Michael D
I hid my drinking problem. Quit April last year.
I hid my nic use.

Now if you don't change your lying ways, what happens next is divorce, job loss, and bankruptcy. You'll see your kids (if you have any) every other weekend and you'll get to experience regret so strong, it'll make you sick. Literally.

Something times we just have to hit bottom before we realize the truth about ourselves.

Be the man you're capable of being. Not perfect. But honest. Recognize your weaknesses and admit them. Your not going to be hated for trusting somebody enough to be honest. You will be hated for lying. She'll always question what she knows about you. Nobody is perfect and if you're portraying yourself as perfect, then it's up to others to figure out what is wrong with you. Maybe you cheated on her too. Where does she draw the line in forming her own conclusions?

You are human. If you love her, show it by being honest going forward. Let her know you are sorry to be a disappointment and that you would like her help in making you better.

Congrats on the day 1 man. Smart move. Don't worry about what might happen or what you might say. Just focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be.

I have absolutely nothing pertinent to add to this other than just wanting to to say,

I too am yet another Michael D! Michael David
Mike1966 for short

[Cornholio]

Good for you man. It's hard being honest. I've spent countless hours researching and learning why I was a consummate liar. IDK if I will ever really understand it.

What I DO know though, is being an honest person is overall very rewarding. It took starting every day with a reminder to myself that I had to be honest that day...with myself and those around me.
At first being honest felt uncomfortable and awkward.

But you know that feeling of losing a 1,000lbs off your shoulder? Feels great. And there are sooo many issues that are weighing you down, it's sickening. I know because we seem to be the same. That weight is holding you back. It's making you unhealthy and taking years off your life. You are unable to experience true connections with people because you are hiding behind a cloak of lies. Your entire existence is a lie. Isn't that a shame? What a waste of a life.

The more you are honest, the more comfortable it becomes. The more you'll see how much people really appreciate it. You'll be happier and more confident. You have to love yourself before loving anyone else. We all do shit to be embarrassed over. Holding that stuff inside is exactly where it stays forever. We need to set it free to move on. And if you have a partner in life that wants to move on with you, all the better. The more you "give in" and seek for forgiveness or help, the more they become invested in you. Most of us have that inner desire to help others. It makes US feel good to help somebody. For guys...it's normally offering suggestions and ideas to peoples problems. For women, it's normally providing a safe place to talk about them, listen, and simply offer love and support. The more you give others the opportunity to do that, the more invested in you they become. It's odd, but very effective.

I really appreciate the opportunity to give you advise. I have been there and I've done that. It sucked hairy assholes. I appreciate that you are receptive to what I have said. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

Rock on

[Michael_D]

Cornholio - That was amazingly pertinent, rather like a custom-formed 2x4 to the forehead, abs, and dangly bits.

Right up my alley (and situation).

Quit yesterday and then came clean with every lie I could remember or that had been weighing me down with daily guilt (e.g. dipping).

Yeah, day 1 of being honest too. I can count them together now.

[Cornholio]

Welcome Mike. We have so many similarities, it's scary.

My name is Michael D
I hid my drinking problem. Quit April last year.
I hid my nic use.

Now if you don't change your lying ways, what happens next is divorce, job loss, and bankruptcy. You'll see your kids (if you have any) every other weekend and you'll get to experience regret so strong, it'll make you sick. Literally.

Something times we just have to hit bottom before we realize the truth about ourselves.

Be the man you're capable of being. Not perfect. But honest. Recognize your weaknesses and admit them. Your not going to be hated for trusting somebody enough to be honest. You will be hated for lying. She'll always question what she knows about you. Nobody is perfect and if you're portraying yourself as perfect, then it's up to others to figure out what is wrong with you. Maybe you cheated on her too. Where does she draw the line in forming her own conclusions?

You are human. If you love her, show it by being honest going forward. Let her know you are sorry to be a disappointment and that you would like her help in making you better.

Congrats on the day 1 man. Smart move. Don't worry about what might happen or what you might say. Just focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be.

[KingNothing]

Posted roll.

Nicely done Michael. Get to know your fellow quitters. You won't regret it. I know it seems difficult to put yourself out there, but it is the only way to give KTC your best shot. The more people on your team, the less likely you will be to let all of them down.

Commit to this thing 100% and you will never have to go through the worst of it ever again. You can do this, just make your promise and keep your promise every single day.

[Michael_D]

Posted roll.

[Michael_D]

I quit today. Am just trying to find the directions to review about posting.

[DjPorkchop]

Day 2, no post.

Moving on. Duly noted.

[pky1520]

You have to tell her. It will come out eventually and it's better to frame it on your terms, rather than scramble for an excuse. Just air out the laundry man.

Also, and more importantly, QUIT NOW! Seriously?! Don't come here with a fatty in, talking about how you need to quit, will be quitting, want to quit. Every single one of us has sung that tune before and can see right through it.

Go post roll with October, start eating sunflower seeds by the fistfull, chug some water and get to work.

[AquaDiggity]

I realize that the nicotine is what allowed me to absorb and stuff and endure stressful thing in my life. I forgot how to deal with life as an adult.

This is what will keep you from quitting. Fock your fear of your wife.

If you think you could not have dealt with life without nicotine, then you probably will run back to nicotine at the first stressful thing that happens.

What makes you think you can deal with life without nicotine now? You couldn't do it for the past 30 years. What's changed?

Tell her bro. Your fear is of letting her down, again, and really just disappointing yourself is your real fear. Wrap your mind around that YOU want to quit. What she thinks is awesome but ultimately doesn't matter jack shit for you quitting. She loves you either way. We, however, don't ... yet. Tell her about your quit, your feelings, this site, and how much accountability you're building here. It's the only way that works. This site is a bat shit crazy experiment that just works. Accountability from strangers is better than atta boys from loved ones. Get some Michael. We will support you when you help yourself. Jump in brother.

[DjPorkchop]

I realize that the nicotine is what allowed me to absorb and stuff and endure stressful thing in my life. I forgot how to deal with life as an adult.

This is what will keep you from quitting. Fock your fear of your wife.

If you think you could not have dealt with life without nicotine, then you probably will run back to nicotine at the first stressful thing that happens.

What makes you think you can deal with life without nicotine now? You couldn't do it for the past 30 years. What's changed?

You have to learn to live life on life's terms. Plain and simple.

[wildirish317]

I realize that the nicotine is what allowed me to absorb and stuff and endure stressful thing in my life. I forgot how to deal with life as an adult.

This is what will keep you from quitting. Fock your fear of your wife.

If you think you could not have dealt with life without nicotine, then you probably will run back to nicotine at the first stressful thing that happens.

What makes you think you can deal with life without nicotine now? You couldn't do it for the past 30 years. What's changed?

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Tell your wife. Be a man. Be honest with her and yourself. Welcome to freedom.