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[Doofus]

DAY 237

Officially now into unchartered quit waters. Never been quit this long, never felt this strong in my quit. KTC works people, I continue to feel gratitude and honor towards a complete set of strangers who help save my life one day at a time. Thanks KTC

[Doofus]

Getting close to un chartered quit waters.....never been past 7 months in 30 years....222 qlf

[Skolvikings]

Congrats on the second floor my brother, great work.

Let's stack another hundo!!!!!!!!!!!

[kenjames]

Called a few but nothing to be had sooner. I have an appointment with one next Thursday at 10:30 am. And just in case that doesn't work out I have another one for May 15th.

Tomorrow I will call at least 1 more to see if I can get something this week but I'm okay with going next Thursday. I didn't intend to start process until day 100.

Anyway shout out to CLEalt for pushing me. I did say 'FU for pushing me' but meant it in the best possible way ;)

[kenjames]

While discussing my situation with another member he pushed me to start working on dentist ASAP and if possible get something booked tomorrow. Now on quest to look for ID card and get something setup ASAP. This is something I need to be held accountable for. Thank you CLEalt

[kenjames]

Day 97 and I wish I wasn't so close. Really. The urge for nicotine is rarely present. Occasional hunger is how I would describe the feeling. Something missing. It's easy to defeat though and I can usually push it away. This is a success story to be sure but for some reason I don't feel the need to celebrate.

I still don't like the way the right side of my lower lip feels. Since I'm not a doctor, anything that doesn't feel right must be cancer, at least my mind tells me so. But it's been almost 100 days of oddness in my mouth. Probably much more than that but I wouldn't have been able to tell prior to quitting since my mouth was so often filled with dip. I bet the oddness started a year ago and I'm noticing the problem now because I haven't been dipping.

I'm filled with dread about going to the dentist. On the one hand I would like to know if I have cancer again. Yet I'm already thinking of ways to delay. I am new to area, have no dentist picked out. Need to schedule it. I'm so afraid. At my darkest moments I tell myself to start dipping again. This way I won't have to go to the dentist. Madness!

What angers me the most is this: I can't be blamed for prostate cancer. I fought that and here I am two years later still okay and no prostate cancer.

But I am 100% to blame if I have mouth cancer. I feel like a coward.

PS - I say that this it's easy to push away the urges and that this is a success story but I am by no means letting my guard down. I am a nicotine junkie and can't touch it ever again.

[FLLipOut]

Thinking about you and sending up prayers for clean tests!!! I also hope the anxiety is under control.

[kenjames]

Tomorrow is two year anniversary of surgery :(

Next blood test is June 27.

[kenjames]

Hello. I'm at the 90 day mark and feeling good from a quit perspective.

While this quit was pretty easy I know I can't ever let my guard down. Letting my guard down is what put me back in this spot.

My depression and anxiety is at an all time high. The right side of my lower lip is bothering me. I'm not in pain but it just seems 'fatter' to me and feels less sensitive. I look okay in the mirror but consumed with ideas of cancer. Cancer is what brought me back to nicotine, oddly enough. I had been nicotine free for almost a year or so before I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in Dec 2015. It sounds stupid but I started dipping again after that. Nothing mattered. I had the surgery in April 2016 and still (prostate) cancer free, to this day. But the side effects of the surgery have really screwed my mind up. My drinking is still out of control. I've distanced myself from everyone I know including my wife and immediate family. I know I need help.

I promised myself I would not worry about my teeth and mouth until 100 days and now that I'm almost at 100 I am very, very afraid. Writing all this to give myself a moral boost and it's not working. Hitting the Post Reply button anyway. Thanks for reading.

[kenjames]

Today went much better than yesterday. The urges are not as strong. I haven't been challenged too much though. Since I've been sick and on medication I haven't been hanging out with friends or having a beer. My body is feeling super healthy actually!

Tomorrow I head out for some work training. Will stay strong! Thanks everyone.

[canofbeans]

I started feeling a little better from illness Saturday and have been slowly improving. I'm now on day 5 and woke with confidence. Today is my first day back at work since I quit and the urges have become extremely challenging. At one point this morning I thought "F-it, just get one tin. Who cares. No harm."

Well, it looks like I'm already drinking the Kool-Aid because I then reminded myself that I put myself on roll call today. I made a promise and can't break it. Tomorrow morning if I still want to ruin my life, fine, but not today buckarroo. Thanks you all.

Awesome win, keep it up! Have you exchanged numbers with anyone to help add another layer of accountability?

Yes I have them on my phone and sent my number!

Good deal, keep up the killer quit!

[kenjames]

I just reached to the left side of my desk to grab a tin. LOL

[kenjames]

I started feeling a little better from illness Saturday and have been slowly improving. I'm now on day 5 and woke with confidence. Today is my first day back at work since I quit and the urges have become extremely challenging. At one point this morning I thought "F-it, just get one tin. Who cares. No harm."

Well, it looks like I'm already drinking the Kool-Aid because I then reminded myself that I put myself on roll call today. I made a promise and can't break it. Tomorrow morning if I still want to ruin my life, fine, but not today buckarroo. Thanks you all.

Awesome win, keep it up! Have you exchanged numbers with anyone to help add another layer of accountability?

Yes I have them on my phone and sent my number!

[DonkeyMN]

I started feeling a little better from illness Saturday and have been slowly improving. I'm now on day 5 and woke with confidence. Today is my first day back at work since I quit and the urges have become extremely challenging. At one point this morning I thought "F-it, just get one tin. Who cares. No harm."

Well, it looks like I'm already drinking the Kool-Aid because I then reminded myself that I put myself on roll call today. I made a promise and can't break it. Tomorrow morning if I still want to ruin my life, fine, but not today buckarroo. Thanks you all.

Yep, that's the key. Tomorrow can take care of itself.... but today you will NOT use nicotine. Do whatever you can to make that happen, whether you gotta chew on toothpicks like a beaver, gum, candy, seeds, fake dip... quit today.

The mental craves and games are the worst part. Be strong, post roll, be a man of your word.

[canofbeans]

I started feeling a little better from illness Saturday and have been slowly improving. I'm now on day 5 and woke with confidence. Today is my first day back at work since I quit and the urges have become extremely challenging. At one point this morning I thought "F-it, just get one tin. Who cares. No harm."

Well, it looks like I'm already drinking the Kool-Aid because I then reminded myself that I put myself on roll call today. I made a promise and can't break it. Tomorrow morning if I still want to ruin my life, fine, but not today buckarroo. Thanks you all.

Awesome win, keep it up! Have you exchanged numbers with anyone to help add another layer of accountability?