Hey man, and thank you for your service.
PTSD is some scary shit, and I feel for ya. I've also read studies that nicotine use makes PTSD symptoms worse (
SOURCE) and that there is no relationship to quitting and having PTSD (
SOURCE). I'm not saying that you need to take these medical opinions to heart, but I am saying that
I know you can quit.While I'm not going to pretend that my issues constitute anything you've gone through, I will tell you that many of us here "self medicated" with nicotine for YEARS. Hell, I'd get pissed at my kids, wife, and life, separate myself from them, and just fill my head with cancer juice (praying for relief). I'd get all woosy, end up sick by the end of the day, and my lips were torn paper thin.
Yet I did the same shit the next day.
When I quit, I started learning coping mechanisms to deal with this. Guess what? I still got pissed on occasion, but I handled it differently. I dealt with it, and I faced the problems I could. I realized that I couldn't change what I was and that the future "me" was dictated by my present actions. Did it fix everything? Nah...but I'm free from that cancerous can.
I ran my first marathon 2 years after quitting. When I quit, I was a plump 270 pound shell that couldn't move without seeing spots in front of my eyes. I regularly threw up little brown specks. During the first week, I started taking small steps. I walked the dog a mile or so, and soon I jogged it (18 minute mile buddy). Soon, I went from 1 and half miles to 3 to 5 and eventually to a couple half marathons. My leg even blew up on me and I got surgery on it. That didn't even stop me!
I learned (as I crossed the line at the marathon) that running, quitting, using, hell...life is always about moving forward. When I used, I would push myself to the brink to get my buzz. When I quit, I used every ounce of power to not post a "day 1" again". When I ran, I didn't worry about the end.
I simply took the next step.
You can do this man. I got your back.
Semper Fi, man.