Looking for advice

[Vizsla]

Turkey, I am sure it has been a rough couple weeks but keep it up! That's awesome that this is the longest you have given it up, it sounds like you are really ready this time. I hope every day becomes easier for you until one day you can't remember why you ever did that ****

Chewie, thank you again for your motivation!! There is no trying, no slip ups, no setting yourself up for failure, be committed to succeeding and you will!

Best of luck to each of your in your journeys and wish us luck on the road to quitting as well!

Vizsla

[chewie]

good. I'm glad you see it that way. One of the big reasons I quit was for my family. I hope if I were to ever slip, they would know that it is in no way their fault or because I don't love them enough. They mean more than the world to me. Good luck on the journey ahead. Looking forward to meeting the significant other!

i appreciate all the advice that's being given in this thread... however, i've got one big bitch right now...

nohappy -- you need to remove the words hope and luck from your vocabulary. there is no "luck" involved in being a successful quitter. there is no "hoping" that you succeed. DO OR DO NOT... THERE IS NO TRY.

if you're talking about "i hope if i were to ever slip" you're simply setting yourself up to fail... don't do it. don't EVER allow caving/slipping to be an option -- it isn't. plain and simple.

that's why we tell people to not make it about someone else... it's great that you quit partially because of your family, but the quit HAS to be for you. don't EVER allow yourself to rationalize caving. that's what the nic bitch does -- she gets in your ear and starts to whisper (one won't hurt, etc)

not one... ever.
no slips... ever.
no hope -- WILL.
no try -- DO.

chewie

[Turkey]

Viz, I am at day 9 now, it has not been a very easy ride so far. I am proud of myself for the fact that this is the longest quit I have ever had. The other attemps I've made at quitting would last 24, 48 hours. I would always find that excuse or reason to go back. The biggest reason for me to go back would always be stress. At the time just the thought of me quitting, dealing with the habit changes and losing the comfort my can provided was enough stress in itself to send me back. It took me awhile to get past that stage. Its amazing what that little tin of shit does to a person, its even more amazing when you take it away. I am now fighting the urge and the voices that keep telling me that I can have just one more. Nicotine has a voice and I can hear it. Its telling me come on just have one more you owe me, you can quit now you've made it to day 9, so just one then your done. I would like to think of myself as a normal person, married, kids, proffesional and look how crazy I sound, all because of Skoal. That's the great thing about this site, everyone of us as gone through the same challenges, hurdles, and when you come to a point there are plenty of friends to help you along the way. Your boyfriend may not quit this time or the next but if you keep reminding him of those things I posted it will stay with him and one day he'll get to the point and say what the fuck am I doing. Good Luck!

[nohappysongs]

Nohappysongs,

Thank you, I agree. I know he loves me no matter what, his words and actions speak it daily. I will try not to take it personally and as confident as I am that he will succeed, I am prepared for possible setbacks along the way. I want more than anything for him to stop and never look back but I don't want to set us both up for disappointment and hurt if that isn't the case.

One day at a time, that is all we can do...

good. I'm glad you see it that way. One of the big reasons I quit was for my family. I hope if I were to ever slip, they would know that it is in no way their fault or because I don't love them enough. They mean more than the world to me. Good luck on the journey ahead. Looking forward to meeting the significant other!

[Vizsla]

Nohappysongs,

Thank you, I agree. I know he loves me no matter what, his words and actions speak it daily. I will try not to take it personally and as confident as I am that he will succeed, I am prepared for possible setbacks along the way. I want more than anything for him to stop and never look back but I don't want to set us both up for disappointment and hurt if that isn't the case.

One day at a time, that is all we can do...

[nohappysongs]

Thank you for all the replies and suggestions.

Iuchewie, I have read all the links, and thank you so much for them. You have been a great help.

Whodey, go ahead and make whatever smartass comments you have. I can take it, that's why I'm here, after all.

Thank you Turkey, I completely agree with you, he does have to do this for himself. I finally talked to him about it and he without even giving it any thought said he would absolutely quit. He had no idea that it bothered me that much. Of course, I am apprehensive because I fear him doing this for me and resenting me, or even worse, not succeeding because he is doing it for the wrong reasons. Honestly, I think he is pretty sick of it himself and this was just the final motivation he needed. We have a very strong relationship and he stated he would never lose me to this stuff, that he's not an idiot, or something along those lines. BTW, how are you doing? Day 8 now?

I have gained such a deep respect and admiration for him over this. I am prepared to do anything I can to be the support he needs. I will tell him about the forums and hopefully he will join the June 2008 group for his 90 day milestone! I'm so confident he will succeed, he is a very strong person.

Best of luck to all of you...

Viz

Hey Viz,

glad to hear he's gonna quit; however, if he were to fail (which hopefully he won't) do not take it personal. it is an addiction and wouldn't be "proof" of not loving someone enough.

nohappysongs

[Vizsla]

Thank you for all the replies and suggestions.

Iuchewie, I have read all the links, and thank you so much for them. You have been a great help.

Whodey, go ahead and make whatever smartass comments you have. I can take it, that's why I'm here, after all.

Thank you Turkey, I completely agree with you, he does have to do this for himself. I finally talked to him about it and he without even giving it any thought said he would absolutely quit. He had no idea that it bothered me that much. Of course, I am apprehensive because I fear him doing this for me and resenting me, or even worse, not succeeding because he is doing it for the wrong reasons. Honestly, I think he is pretty sick of it himself and this was just the final motivation he needed. We have a very strong relationship and he stated he would never lose me to this stuff, that he's not an idiot, or something along those lines. BTW, how are you doing? Day 8 now?

I have gained such a deep respect and admiration for him over this. I am prepared to do anything I can to be the support he needs. I will tell him about the forums and hopefully he will join the June 2008 group for his 90 day milestone! I'm so confident he will succeed, he is a very strong person.

Best of luck to all of you...

Viz

[Turkey]

Don't preasure him to quit, you'll only make him want to do it more. I was that way. It was the little things my wife and family did that made me want to quit more than the nagging and scare tactics. Examples

My wife would go to kiss me and say, "oh sorry you have that shit in your mouth"

I wasn't allowed to leave spit bottles in site where my wife could see them, if she did she threw them away. Use to piss me off, nothing worse than searching for something to spit in.

Every time I spit someone would make a spitting noise, that really aggravated me, don't know why but it did, spit everytime he does. Maybe in the back of my mind I realized how stupid I must look.

Every time I grabbed my tin my wife would always roll her eyes and say "your going to put that shit in your mouth now". Would make me think about it for about 5 mins, I did it anyway but I thought about what I was doing.

My friend would always say "have something in your teeth"

Again if I had a lipper in my wife would always offer me gum, food, anything and would always say "never mind I forgot you put that shit in your mouth"

Thats just an example of the little things that use to make me think more about how stupid I was. Just remember he is not going to quit for anyone other than himself, I wouldn't quit for my wife. If he quits for you I wouldn't beleive him, If he does he's a better man than I. I am only on my 3rd day quit, so by far no expert. I have tried to quit numerous times all for the wrong reasons. This time is different Because I, I, I, (get the picture) want to. I would also tell him how uncool and ridiculous a man looks carrying a bottle around. My entire world revolved around a 20oz bottle. Just like a newborn, I was pathetic. Hope this helps.
Turkey

[Sandman32]

Have him read all the stuff chewie posted. Have him read some of the Hall of Fame posts.

Tell him he'll never regret quiting.

Ask him to list 10 good reasons to keep doing it, and then give him a list of 10 good reasons to stop.

Then understand he won't be successful till he decides he wants to quit.

[Whodey]

I'll keep my smart ass comments (and emoticons) to myself for once. Chewie has steered you in the right direction. Have him sign up here and read read read.

[chewie]

Hi, I am girl who is planning on approaching her boyfriend regarding his use of dipping tobacco sometime within the next couple weeks. I want to research thoroughly first, have my facts straight and have a plan of a compassionate way to approach the subject. I love him dearly and it breaks my heart to see him disregarding his health like this. He started a little less than a year ago as a way of quitting smoking, which worked and I'm proud of him for that but it's time to let this go too! I know he wants to quit to some degree. He wishes he wasn't addicted but he hasn't had the motivation to actually try to quit yet. He knows I dislike it but I have never given him an ultimatum or had a serious talk yet. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance

hi vis -

first off, you should read this: http://www.killthecan.org/community/spouse.asp it's titled "spousal support" but it's certainly appropriate to your situation.

additionally, you'll want to check out the following articles from killthecan.org

what to expect when you quit dipping: http://www.killthecan.org/yourquit/what.asp

symptoms of quitting: http://www.killthecan.org/yourquit/symptoms.asp

ask the experts: http://www.killthecan.org/yourquit/faq.asp

facts about smokeless: http://www.killthecan.org/facts/dipfacts.asp

cancer pics: http://www.killthecan.org/pics/

jenny  tom kern's story: http://www.killthecan.org/facts/jennykern.asp

additionally, feel free to come here and ask additional questions -- we take this quitting very seriously and we'd love to help you help him. remember though -- the decision ultimately NEEDS to be his. if you nag him until he quits, the quit won't stick and he'll resent you for it.

chewie

[Vizsla]

Hi, I am girl who is planning on approaching her boyfriend regarding his use of dipping tobacco sometime within the next couple weeks. I want to research thoroughly first, have my facts straight and have a plan of a compassionate way to approach the subject. I love him dearly and it breaks my heart to see him disregarding his health like this. He started a little less than a year ago as a way of quitting smoking, which worked and I'm proud of him for that but it's time to let this go too! I know he wants to quit to some degree. He wishes he wasn't addicted but he hasn't had the motivation to actually try to quit yet. He knows I dislike it but I have never given him an ultimatum or had a serious talk yet. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance