February 4th 2019, a day I will remember for the rest of my life. 5 days after starting Chantix, but most importantly 5 days after coming clean with my wife and also discussing it with my doctor. So ashamed and so afraid of how I would be judged for so many years. I continue to think back, why was I so afraid to ask for help. I knew I had a problem. I dipped for 25 years. Even though for the last 5 years or so, I was only having one dip per day before bed, that was the highlight of my day. My life revolved around that one dip. I couldn't wait for my wife to go to bed so I could have my dip. My justification, one per day can't be that bad for me. What a fucking loser. I found KTC. I started reading Traumas story. I had no idea who he was and how his story ended but something captured me and I couldn't stop reading. It was almost as if he was my best friend. Then at the end I realized that he and I have the same birthday. I lost it. This was day 2 of my quit and it has helped me more than I can even explain. Even now as I write this I am getting emotional. What a great community and brotherhood. So glad I am in this with you all! Never again for any reason.
