Today is November 22, 2020 and for me the 14th anniversary of the first time I quit using nicotine with the March 2007 Motley Crue. Unfortunately, after about 9 ½ years I went back to my addiction. But now I am back on day 147 with the October 2020 Dark Knights!!!
When I quit 14 years ago I was extremely proud of my accomplishment; when I hit the HOF at 100 days I posted a long HOF speech, which is found here:
https://www.killthecan.org/burn-your-boats-eliminate-failure-as-an-option/ I am not going to repeat everything I said back then (you can still read it) but I still believe what I wrote back in 2007; you have to eliminate failure as an option to stay quit and to deal with your addiction. My problem was in 2016 I forgot the truths I wrote back in 2007 or maybe I just choose to ignore them.
So why am I back here posting day 147 today? It is because I am a “stupid pickle” (more on this later). In 2016, I forgot about “Burn Your Boats” and “Eliminating failure as an option” and replaced it with “Occasionally can’t hurt anything”. “I will just dip or smoke a cigar when I golf” or “I will just dip on this very long drive”. Well occasionally soon became frequently and frequently soon became constantly; soon I was right were I was in 2007, except this time I knew better and had no excuse; I understood the addiction, I knew what I wrote back in 2007. I just choose to ignore it and built a new “boat” to retreat from the battle. I will say I was very ashamed and depressed by my failure. I was also amazed at how quickly my nicotine addiction took back over my life.
But 147 days ago, I swallowed my pride, stopped beating myself up over my failure and reposted Day 1 and started “Burning Boats Again”. It was tough, but I quit before so I was confident I could do it again.
The most important thing that I learned through my failure is that I am a nicotine addict for life, but I can still choose to not use the drug anymore stay quit each day. One of the things I read that really illustrated this well for me was this article:
https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=2395.0 I really like the following analogy in this article:
“Now, a Cucumber can always turn into a pickle but a pickle can never go back to being a cucumber.”
Hence, I am a “
Stupid Pickle”; it is time for me to accept that fact and deal with it. There is no more dabbling with nicotine, and I must eliminate failure as an option.
I am very proud to be back posting day 147 today!!! Would I rather be posting 14 years today?
ABSOLUTELY, but there is no going back. I can only choose to quit today and look forward.
If you are a “
Stupid Pickle” like me looking to quit today YOU can do this! Quitting forever can seem impossible, but it is very manageable if you take it One Day At A Time (ODAAT) and look at your situation to Eliminate Failure as an Option.
If you are a “
Stupid Pickle” that has been quit for a long time, please remember you are still a “
Pickle”. There is no going back to not being an addict. Stay quit ODAAT.
Virginia Jim
