IÂ’ve hesitated on writing an HOF speech at 100 days, because IÂ’m a retread. So, I waited until 200. I honestly donÂ’t know if someone brand new to the site would appreciate this or not, so IÂ’m writing for the guys who might have failed once here and are lurking, thinking about coming back.
I quit originally in May of 2010, and it was hellacious for the first several weeks. Seeds rocked my gums, I went through all kinds of coping strategies, read a lot, and posted every other day or so. In real life, I went pretty well past 100 days, but actually stopped posting at Day 45. I tend towards depression more in my life than I care to admit, and at some point in December, I was back into the clutches of the Bear and did not care.
However, while there are some days I would want to end it all and saw dip as a good way to eventually get there, what flipped me over into February 2012’s group was the realization one day that I really, really hate pain. Gum grafts, jaw removal, chemotherapy – those things would really hurt. So, ultimately, I’m a selfish, selfish person and I do not want to inconvenience myself with permanent pain that I could avoid through temporary agony.
I knew from quitting the first time that the first couple of weeks would really suck, but that it was doable. What I also knew was that not getting involved would put me right back into the can. I got on chat, I reached out to a fair number of guys, and one of them dropped within 2 days. Another decided to go it alone, and others just faded away. One dude (McCarmo, who IÂ’m convinced texts with damn near everyone on the site) and I kept texting daily for those 100 days, and each day got easier and easier.
The second thing that helped was the two guys that ran our spreadsheet – for whatever reason, they whipped our asses into shape and we began to create the wall of green for posting roll. There was significant and positive peer pressure in turning that thing completely green every single day.
Guys have slowly faded away, but we still have a solid core of 30 plus who post daily after half a year. I had hoped the guys who left were stronger than I was back then, but I know my strength lies in the power of the group. I wouldnÂ’t know what a real crave feels like anymore itÂ’s been so long. And itÂ’s going to stay that way.
