I wonÂ’t claim that this will be short, when I start to write it may get extensive. I will try to do it in chapters for you all.
I actually thought I would skip writing a speech up until last week. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that HoF speeches really do help a lot of people. I have nothing real profound to say that will make someone throw their can out. What I will probably do is write a speech so long and boring that if a guy is craving, by the time he is done reading this the crave will be gone.
I want to start by pointing out TCOPEÂ’s insistence that hitting the Hall of Fame does not mean you are cured.
I don't feel cured, I feel accomplished. 100 days I am proud of, 101 I am even more proud of.
Feel accomplished TODAY
feel proud TOMORROW.
I am just beginning my journey but that exact thought process has honestly become the key to my quit. KTC’s phrase is “one day at a time", Razz has his phrase of “not right now”, My phrase is “I will be so much more bad ass and feel more proud when I post tomorrow”. I will never be cured, I can not be cured. I am an addict.
Just because 100 days gives me the title HoFÂ’er does not mean I am a better quitter. Every one of you are at the same place I am, whether youÂ’re at day 1 or day 1,000.
We are all on day TODAY.
TOMORROW is our goal
My Decision to quit
I wonÂ’t tell you how long I suckled from the nic bitch or what my addiction was like. You all know exactly the same addiction I do. I have no idea why I quit though.
One day I woke up and said it was time.
Maybe it is the fact that my father in law has stage 4 lung cancer from you know whoÂ… the nic bitch. It will kill him. I watch my wife and all of the in-laws wonder when it will come back and eat him from the inside out. He looks frail, takes THOUSANDS of dollars in medication and has no way of getting insurance to cover all of it. When he does die, his wife, 10 years younger, who is completely disabled from multiple sclerosis, will have no way of living. She canÂ’t work, she will have hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills and a mortgage on a house that no one will buy even if she tried to sell it.
Moral of story: Had he not used tobacco, at least 20 peopleÂ’s lives would be much less worrisome and stress free.
Maybe I quit because the most pathetic thing I can think of in life is being addicted to a drug that makes you simply feel normal. I had not felt a buzz in so many yearsÂ… why was it that I use it againÂ… Oh yeah, so I donÂ’t go crazy and act like a 3 year old when I donÂ’t have a pinch in a few hours.
This is bullsmack I say. In all seriousness if I am going to take a drug, I want it to make me feel good or better, not feel normal.
I was doneÂ… PeriodÂ… D-O-N-E.
Motivation
This question I stole from a KTC member that I don’t know the name of. “When was the last good pinch you had?”
When I think about this I think of every one where it burned the hell out of my lip. Or the ones where I spilled the whole can on the floor. Maybe the one where I dumped my spitter on my lap. I could say my last pinch was the best because it led to me quitting, but really, that one sucked too. I could say the first one because I got a buzz, but that one sucked the worst because it triggered my addiction.
Not once in my life have I had a good pinch. Really, this stuff sucks.
I remembered finding this site a few years ago when contemplating quitting. So I came back and made a name. I posted day one because I thought it might help. If it didnÂ’t I would just leaveÂ….
On day two, I woke up and posted roll. Half way through the day I honestly wish I had not posted. I wanted to give up. But guess what… I thought about going to the store and buying a can but I could never break my word. I said to myself “I will just not post roll tomorrow (day 3) and buy a can”.
20 minutes later I was struck with the realization that I had just said no to caving in because of a bunch of screen names (bad ass quitters) that I will likely never meet. I honestly thought this site would do nothing for me, I thought it would be a joke. On day two, 2-17-11, what I thought a joke, may have saved my life.
For the new guys or those contemplating quitting.
I donÂ’t know how this site works for us quitters. I really donÂ’t. But it does. Post roll now, it will be the best decision you make.
Feel accomplished today, feel proud tomorrow.
You are going to struggle mightily with the idea of how you can possibly fight the cravings. The only way I will prescribe is telling it how it is. The nic bitch is your opponent. She is not a friend. She deserves to be humiliated and punished. Every time you go in to an environment where you know a craving will be coming, you must welcome every single craving you get. ThatÂ’s right, bring it on nic bitch. This is extreme cage fighting to the extreme. After that day two realization that I am in this fight, I wanted every chance I could get to KO that bitch. I promise it will make you feel better to Knock Out the nic bitch than it will to have cravings sneak up on you blindly.
Thanks must go out to many people.
Skoal Monster- I have not talked to you in ages, but you were the biggest influence on my first couple weeks.
J2B- you make a great group mother. The presence of a female to keep the group clean and on time was essential. Thank you so much. 'na na'
30- You sat me on the short bus and more importantly you made it fun to visit the June quit group.
Hootie- DonÂ’t know where you are the last few days but you helped me a lot.
Razz- Lets get some home brew goinÂ’
Masoncowboy- You better stay quit no matter where you go.
Nomosko- thank you for all your encouragement
MAY 2011- You were all essential in my quit!
SmokeyG- Because it is so fun to say 'Finger' SmokeyG
Every one of you on this site helped me, vets, newbs, cavers, and gheysÂ… you all had a part.
I want to leave you with a story I posted in my quit groupÂ… I know this sounds like a made up joke, but this actually happened to me on day 100.
Hey guys, just a little story here that might sound made up to all of you but it has honestly just happened.
I just finished posting my day 100 roll call, HoF milestone a minute ago.
Under my desk at work I have some parts manuals stacked up. After hitting post for day 100, I turned my chair and my knee bumped the manuals knocking them over like dominoes.
I watched in slow motion as out rolled a can of Ettan (was my favorite snus), off the desk and on to the floor it fell... face down.
I don't believe in a lot of this superstitious stuff but no matter how coincidental it is I am going to remember this moment. It must have significance.
The moment I posted 100 the nic bitch rolled off my desk and landed face down as if giving up.
Don't take this the wrong way, but I picked it up to check if there was anything in there... Why you ask? How fitting would it be on HoF day to dump the remainder of the shriveled and dried up guts down the same drain I did the day I made my decision to quit 2-16-2011?
I am off to the sink now to put the bitches dried up guts in to her grave.
