Hey ladies and germs....
First and foremost I would like to thank all the great people on this site who have helped me along the way. You all know who you are. The random messages in my inbox, the encouraging words in chat, and the texts and calls when I was looking like I was gonna screw the whole thing up. In some ways you know me better than my wife or my best friends. You all understand me better than anyone else in my life. You are all living through the same thing I am. For this, I am eternally thankful to have found this site and you... my quit friends... THANK YOU!
Cope became a much bigger part of my life than I ever realized. Started at 12 yrs old and never stopped until i was 42. Anxiety- fix it with a pinch, got fired- take a dip, fight with the chick-take a dip, bored on the front porch- take a dip. It didn't matter the problem, dip could always fill the void, spackle the hole in my life, fill the wound in my heart after i got dumped, give me something to do on the long, long flights I have had to take over and over again for the last 20 yrs...
One day my doctor said " do you dip?" and I said yes. He said "you have a little deal here on your gums, let's cut it of and send it in for some tests." It was a very long 2 weeks. Then I got the call, " you don't have cancer". I was so excited I celebrated with a big fat dip. And I just kept going.
Five years later I head to Seattle for work and stop by to see my pops. He looks like hell. He says "I have to go to the oncologist today wanna come?" I say "oncologist?! what for??" I watched my dad get told he had a couple of months to live... smoking. He went home, took out his oxygen tube and had a smoke. We talked about life. We did't talk about dip or smoking. We just smoked, dipped and talked about the same old stuff. I left the next day for Japan. When I came home I had to go to his funeral. When I cleaned his house out I found his nic gum and patches that didn't work. I dealt with the loss by shoveling that stuff into my lip and powering though it.
Fast forward some years.. one day we are sitting on the couch in my house and my wife says " Hey, come here, look what I have on my computer screen" I go over to look and it is pics of guys with lip and gum cancer. I snap at her " why the hell are you making me look at that??" She explains why. She looks at my 4 yr old daughter and says "tell your daddy what we talked about" my daughter says "dad will you please stop taking your daddy stuff I don't want you to die" I was hit with so many emotions that it knocked me on my ass.
I stopped dipping then and there. Four days later I turned on my computer and typed into google " quit dipping". The 2nd thing that came up was KTC. I clicked onto chat and met a guy named Ryan. He talked it up. He taught me after about 3 hours how to post roll. Next thing you know I am promising a bunch of dudes I don't know that I wouldn't dip that day. Weird thing was it worked. I woke up the next day ready for nic. I posted roll then realized I could not dip. I had promised a bunch of dudes I didn't know that I wouldn't do it. They seemed like good guys busting their asses to do the right thing. Who the hell was I to lie to them and take a dip? If they could do it so could I.
I have done it everyday for the last 100 days or so. It has worked. Roll is KING. It works like a charm. Every time I freaked out I would go onto chat and some stranger with a big heart would talk himself and me out of caving. It took me till about 65 days to realize how amazing this site was. This site has saved my life.
I am 102 days now. I dipped for 10,950 days.. I have a very long way to go. This 100 is just a number to shoot for. Now I have to shoot for 200. I am nowhere near clean and safe. 100 Might as well be 28 or 153. It's all the same. I am an addict. A hardcore crazy addict. I can not forget that and get happy with 100... Not against 10,950 days. I am gonna keep posting roll as long as this site is up. I am gonna quit today and promise my brothers that I will do it today. I am gonna be like Ryan and teach a new guy how to post roll. Maybe I can help someone like all you bad ass quitters helped me.
