I want to preface this by saying that I am not looking for sympathy, prayers are welcome but sympathy is for the birds. The last year, especially the last few months, have been the toughest of my life. I quit nicotine for good on 6/9/14. The cravings seemed unbearable for the first few weeks. I gained weight because I needed to do something besides dip. I used this site, but honestly I still wasn't all in. I have kept to myself, and only communicated with a few people on the site. Fast forward to 6/9 day 71. I wake up to texts and phone calls from friends and family. My mother, who is struggling with dementia and Alzheimer's, is missing. I jump in the truck, and start the two hour trip toward home. The thought of hitting a gas station for a dip is almost too much to bare. I used to look for an excuse to fold, and that was a big one. I get home just in time for my mother to be found. She is not an old lady, she is in her mid sixties. She was alone the entire night in the woods doing God knows what. She isn't harmed, and the stress/cravings go away. Every time I thought of caving, I kept thinking that dip wouldn't solve the problem but only add to it. I also got some help from some friends on this site. Then on 9/7, day 91, we welcome in my second daughter. She is immediately rushed to the NICU because she isn't getting enough oxygen and has a lot of fluid in her lungs. Nine hours later, we get her out of NICU, and everything seems to be fine. We stay in the hospital for a few days, and then they tell us they hear something with her heart. It turns out she has three defects, and we will need to stay a little longer. Every time I walk out of the hospital, I think about hitting the closest gas station. Again the one thing that keeps me going is that dip doesn't solve the problem and only makes it worse. I again asked for support and received it from friends on KTC. I could go on and on about the other issues we have had, but I really and truly am not looking for the sympathy. My daughter has a hole in her heart that will most likely require surgery in a few months, she has failed her hearing test several times and is scheduled for a brain scan/MRI this week, she has a virus called CMV that affects organs hearing and vision, and she has yet to gain any weight since being born. Needless to say, it has been a bit stressful around the house. My stress relief has always been a good fat dip. I still think about the nic bitch, but then I laugh in her face. I have decided to use exercise as my stress relief. I have also really been using this site for help. The most difficult part is putting on that strong face for the family. I have wanted to break down a few times, but I don't think it would do anyone any good. I tell my wife that we will get through this, one way or another. The people on this site have helped me realize that failure isn't an option. We have to be accountable. I am very grateful for my friends, family, and the brotherhood on KTC. I am happy to be 134 days into my quit. KTC helped me quit, but it also helped me keep strength when nothing seemed to be going well. I am a Christian man, and I believe in the power of prayer. I would ask that you put my family in your thoughts and prayers. I thank this KTC community for all of the support, and I hope that I can repay that to someone in need at some point. I hope that someone may read this and realize that no matter what you are going through in life......DIP WILL NEVER BE THE SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM.
