I quit on Monday the 15th. on my 3rd day now. I'm beyond dazed.... I forgot how hard this is to do... (history - can/day for 18 years)
See I had quit once already. No, not quit for 24 hours when a sore pops up in your mouth....but quit for over a year. And then one day, i had a craving to dip and I bought a can. It made me sick to my stomach. Great i thought! I'm really over dip, I literally can't stomach it anymore. I threw the can away. Then a few days later, i wanted to dip again. So i bought another can and I purposely packed in a small dip so i wouldn't overload my system with nic and get sick... and 2 weeks later, i was eased back into fatties. 2 years later, and I was a can/day of cope again..... My God I am an addict thru and thru....My body was even rejecting the dip and I pushed thru it to start again 'bang head'
I want to make this quit stick. Forever. I have 3 boys, and a wife. I want to grow old and see my grandkids. I want to live cancer free and enjoy life. I could say I'm only quitting for myself, but the truth is i don't give a shit about myself, it's my family. I can't stand the thought of letting them suffer, watching me die slowly and then finally leaving them alone here on earth because I died too soon. If i were single, i'd still dip and not care.....You all can say I've got some self worth issues, but that's where I'm at. I want to live for my family, and it's the thought if my kids suffering that's driving me to stop.
I carry pics of my kids and cancer pics with me. I've got this site bookmarked on my mobile phone. I've got about 6 cans of Hooch stashed all over my house/car/pockets.
Right now it's taking every ounce of will power to not stand up and go buy a can of Cope Long Cut... and just start my quit "tomorrow". I know tomorrow never comes, but i'm having that argument in my head right now
