Observations from the first week off of nicotine:
Days 1-3 were easier than I expected: a little spaced out, feeling like my skin was going to crawl off of my body, but really no big deal. I was lucky that nothing too demanding came up at work.
Day 4 was horrible – intense cravings, thick fog, really pissed at everything. I was glad I had a heavy bag hanging in my back yard; I put it to good use.
Day 5 was better, a much less intense version of day 4
Day 6 was better still. More mind games today but easy to shut down if I caught it early.
Random thoughts and experiences from the week:
I found an old journal from 1999, it had a quit date and plan spelled out. I donÂ’t remember exactly, but I think that one lasted about four hours into my usual chewing schedule. I don't think any quit attempt in the past 12 years lasted longer than about six hours.
After going to what seemed like every gas station and cigar shop in the county and getting blank looks when I asked if they had non-tobacco chew (some tried pointing me to the fruit-flavored skoal), I asked the owner of the little quickie-mart where I used to buy my chew to start carrying herbal snuff. When he got it in a couple of days later, I bought a couple of cans and he asked me "are you trying to quit?". At that moment something clicked into place in my mind and I responded "no... I am quitting. I'm done for good; never again."
I figured out why all of my previous quits had failed to go beyond a few hours. My approach had been all wrong; I had been planning to fail without realizing it. I had given myself permission to cave before the quit even began. I had given myself up as a lost cause, knowing that I would chew for the rest of my life. As soon as I realized this, I made a shift of attitude. I adopted the attitude that withdrawals and cravings are not necessarily a bad thing, they are a sign of healing. I stopped trying to shut them out and gave myself permission to experience them. I completely eliminated going back to nicotine as an option; I know that I can NEVER do that again.
My wife and daughter came home at the end of day 5. It was a great experience to not be hiding anything when they came home. Before this quit started, the homecoming would have been something like this: hear the car enter the driveway, spit out the dip, quick swish with water, take a big mouthful of some beverage that hides the taste and swish for as much time as I have before she gets to the door, swallow, be taking one more sip as she walks through the door, and then act like I'm busy doing something so I don't have to kiss her and risk her smelling some residual traces of the dip. This time was much better: I walked out to the car, kissed my wife and 15-month-old daughter, and started helping unpack the car.That felt great.
I have finally experienced what it means to make a decision with full conviction behind it; I donÂ’t think IÂ’ve done that before in my 31 years. I truly believe that the skills I'm learning now in overcoming this addiction will improve my life far beyond just being free of nicotine.
