Feeling the rage

[yorick]

Realize this. . .part of that is the addict in you trying to convince you that you should put tobacco in your lip. Accept it for what it is, as that's all that it is. 

I'm glad you said this. I have caught myself thinking about how dip will make me less anxious about the health affects. How paradoxical to think that the thing I am worried giving me cancer will make me feel better.

[Seth]

Thanks Lance.

I'm going to check out those posts on caringbridge if I can find them. 

It's amazing how quickly nicotine took over my life in only a year.  I went from a few dips a day to an easy one can a day for at least the past 6 months.

ETA:  I just started reading some of those posts.  Powerful stuff.  I am so worried about getting cancer, it is ridiculous.  I guess my biggest worry is if I could have it and not know it?  Maybe that's irrational, but suddenly every tiny bump and possible discoloration in my mouth scares me.

It is perfectly normal to be concerned. There are some of us on here that self-diagnosed many rare and incurable diseases at the beginning of our quit. Personally I diagnosed myself with mouth cancer, brain cancer and a few other unlikely problems that are statistically improbable. Realize this. . .part of that is the addict in you trying to convince you that you should put tobacco in your lip. Accept it for what it is, as that's all that it is. Once you have done that, schedule an appointment with an ENT doc and/or dentist around 30 days quit. I went to the ENT on day 30 and just went to the dentist yesterday. I got a clean bill of health from both of them, which has done wonders controlling the feelings of anxiety. Your risk will be elevated for a while, but you cannot control that. You can control whether or not you are quit. Focus on what you can control and you can get through it.

Nice to see you finally decided to make the best decision of your life. I quit with Yorick today.

[yorick]

Thanks Lance.

I'm going to check out those posts on caringbridge if I can find them.

It's amazing how quickly nicotine took over my life in only a year. I went from a few dips a day to an easy one can a day for at least the past 6 months.

ETA: I just started reading some of those posts. Powerful stuff. I am so worried about getting cancer, it is ridiculous. I guess my biggest worry is if I could have it and not know it? Maybe that's irrational, but suddenly every tiny bump and possible discoloration in my mouth scares me.

[labmanlance]

yorick,
nice move man, glad you are smart enough to drop the chew after only one year of being a slave. take it minute by minute, then hour by hour, then day by day.
"embrace the suck" man, if it was easy then nobody would smoke or chew. after the nic gets out of you you'll know this is true. the shit is the perfect drug. one quitter says this on KTC "we were messing around with something we never should have".
you know this now so quit and be goddamn glad you only burned one year being a drug addict and not 15 or 20 or even 30 like some of the guys at KTC.
quit this shit for good now and close the door forever. i have 2 kids - age 4 and 8 - have you read the Kern posts? if not, go find them. many are on the caringbridge.org site
lance - day 58

[yorick]

I joined this site back in May, but it took me until a couple of days ago to finally get rid of the can for good.

I finally posted roll call today, and decided to head on over here for a quick introduction.

I've been dipping for about a year now. I started fairly late in life - I'm 32 now. There are a lot of excuses for why I started, but I think it boils down to the fact that I just liked the nicotine feeling. I've experimented with tobacco many times in the past - cigars, cigarettes, a dip here and there; but, it wasn't until I found out how much energy I could get from dipping while battling the effects of Mono that I really got to doing it regularly, and subsequently hooked.

I will have a full 72 hours dip free at 7PM tonight.

My mind is playing all kinds of games. Trying to tell me "just one more" and also giving me some major worries that I've already done some major damage to my health. I'm worried about the possibility that I've increased my chances of getting cancer, or that I might have it and not know, etc.

I kinda go in and out of feeling rages (like I have road rage all the time), and just being in a general fog. This morning has been the toughest for me so far.

I've quit for good this time. I have many reasons to stay quit. One of the top reasons, and one I have seen bounced around a lot on this forum, I have kids and I definitely don't want to leave them fatherless.