Hey Everyone

[Moose]

Moose Droppings,
What up you quitten sonsa bitches... I hope you get this fucker by the balls and showing what your true colors are...

Some of you who know me in here know that I'm an avid Duck and waterfowl hunter. I have many hobbies but this is truly what I was intended to do with all my spare time. While duck hunting last winter, it was about 25 degrees and the wind was coming out of the north. I just set out my spread at a local lake and was beginning to see the sun raise. There was a thin sheet of ice on the lake and the fog was lifting in the early morning hours. My friend John and I were beginning to call and starting to see a few sporadic Pintail flocks start to climb over the numerous dead trees located on the lake. We had harvested about 10 or 12 ducks. I looked to my left, and noticed a low flier coming about ten feet off the waterline. I shot... and saw what appeared to be a rare Wood Duck. I have hunted these waters for ten years and have never seen one of these birds in Texas. The bird fell about twenty five yards from the boat. I simply could not wait to get the motor started to retrieve the duck. As I climbed out and started to make my way to the lifeless floating duck, seemingly relatively close to the boat. I felt what to be cold water in my neoprene waders. I thought to myself that I was simply imagining things and continued to my prize. By the time I got to the duck, my waders were filled about crotch high and were getting very uncomfortable. Luckily, I was standing in about five foot of water and being 6'7'' I was very thankful of not being a "shorter man". By the time I got back to the boat they were filled chest high and I was so cold that I couldn't drag my 285lbs ass in the boat. Stupid really... but when you want something you go after it whole heartily.

My point to all this is... Our (my) quit is very much like this. We are doing fine and chugging along in our quit, then we step out of the boat. We try to flirt with the thing we "feel" that we want. We jump with both feet, and get into deeper water, when we get too far out we realize that we need help. Our "waders" start to fill and we CAN see what we are doing wrong, but we continue to keep grasping for that prize. Many of us keep getting further and further away from the safety of the boat (KTC). Let me be the one who tells you all from experience... if you see someone start to wander, and not posting like he or she has in the past, chances are they are wading through the water trying to grab that out of reach "shit in a can" that they (me) feel that will fill the gap for whatever they are trying to fill.

I want to say thank you to everyone that has PM'd me the last few weeks with condolences and support. For some strange reason the people in here have been more supportive on the obstacles in my life than the people that I felt were my close friends. Without completely sounding like an asshole, I ask that everyone allow me to try to come to some sort of balance from the losses that I've faced. I sincerely appreciate your help and knowledge, but ask that you help me find some sort of normalcy in coming in here. I will always be forced to see the reasoning behind my specific cave, and will use it to fuel my future walk without dip. I hope that everyone can see that I've made my way back to the "boat". I'm setting down and holding on for dear life in the choppy water that we call "quit". Thank you for your concern, thank you for your compassion, and last but not least thank you for sending out your hands and retrieving me from the water that was much deeper than five feet.

Moose

[Skoal Monster]

Quitting is about more than nicotine. It's about living your life. Joy, pain, sorrow, happy times and bad, you do it without dip. It is about taking it off the table as an option, regardless of circumstance. It is about closing the door, and then keeping it closed forever. It is about understanding that nicotine doesn't fill a void in your life, but instead creates one. Its about admitting your an addict, not like a caffiene addict but a heroin addict. To be successful at this you MUST decide to be quit regardless of all consequences. No matter what...........

To agree to this takes a tremendous amount of courage. Your casting off what you think is your crutch. You will have to face your life without it. It isn't easy. When times get hard you imagine that you still need it and that it will help. Turn your back against that lie for long enough and you learn that your "crutch" was really an anchor. Have courage then, if just for today. Today I know you can choose to stay quit, let lifes' storms crash around you and affect you as they may, but today you stay quit.

SM

[RAZD611]

Moose, first I would like to send my sympathy to you and your family. You are going through a difficult time and what you are going through is not anything I would wish on anyone. I am not one for long speeches and lectures. Your quit is yours, but it does matter to me and most people here. No one wants to see anybody fail. Everyone just has different ways of expressing it. Every minute of every day for the rest of your life will be filled with stressors, triggers, problems, fights, death and reasons to say it's ok, just one. These stressors will have to be dealt with, every time without failure. YOU MUST BE STRONG! You must be stronger than the situation. DIGGING INTO THAT CAN, POUCH, TIN, PACKET WILL NOT FIX WHAT IS BROKEN! IT WILL NOT HELP AND IT WILL NOT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER! You may not see it right now, but the rest of your family needs you to be strong (more than ever). Maybe even stronger than they are right now. You must show them that you can get through this. They will follow by your example. If they see you can get through this, especially without going back to dipping, they will have part of what they need to move forward and get past this tragic time. Life will always be a series of tragedies and goodbyes with good times in the middle. There is nothing that we can do to change that. All we can do is learn to cope and stay moving forward. DonÂ’t allow yourself to go backwards.

Which fork in the road do you take –Hopefully you choose the one less traveled – The one that only the strong and wise take – The one that has Quit, reward and true self satisfaction at the End of it.

You have come too far not to take the one with Quit at the End of the Journey.
Now it is time to undertake what will be a lifelong daily fight. You must FIGHT HARD, FIGHT STRONG, FIGHT DIRTY if you have to, but never surrender to the urges no matter what the circumstances, and from this point forward THERE IS NO TURNING BACK!

STAY STRONG and by all means necessary STAY QUIT!

[Moose]

Moose, Im am an Addict as well. The thing that is different about me today as compared to 33 days ago is I refuse to be a statistic anymore. Once I realized the only way to quit and stay quit is if I accept the responsibility of controlling my own actions. A little can no longer controls my actions, thoughts, emotions, MY DESTINY. I DO! There is no turning back from here or I am that statistic I refuse to be.

Couldnt agree more man, Its amazing that we all were so dictated to what our addiction demanded. If we wouldnt give in to her, she would kick and scream like a child that didnt get the "GI Joe" in the kids isle. Im happy to be quit... Its tough, and hard but I know that my kids and wife are more important to me than any rant or temper tantrum that she will display...

[RAZD611]

Moose, Im am an Addict as well. The thing that is different about me today as compared to 33 days ago is I refuse to be a statistic anymore. Once I realized the only way to quit and stay quit is if I accept the responsibility of controlling my own actions. A little can no longer controls my actions, thoughts, emotions, MY DESTINY. I DO! There is no turning back from here or I am that statistic I refuse to be.

[Ready]

Welcome.

You can do this.

[Gump]

I am utterly coming out and saying that I am a full fledged addict

If only everyone would be so straight with themselves about this. I'm an addict too, Matt. So is SM. So are the rest of us.

Welcome.

[Skoal Monster]

Welcome Moose,

Stay pissed off, that will serve you well. Get pissed that big tobacco hooked your ass when you were a baby. Get pissed that dip is killing you. Get pissed that shit that addicting is even legal and that those fuckers continue making it and hooking kids. Fight back by beating this addiction.

First thing first, go to cancer and quitter stories and find the Tom and Jenny Kern story and read it. Follow the link to the caring bridge site and read that. Next find the contract to give up, now print it out and put it in your wallet. Every time you feel like caving take it out and read it. Now, start at the beginning and read ALL the cancer and quitter stories and then read ALL of the Hof speeches. Then go find Jan 09 group. Start with the last post and spend a week reading it thru to the beginning. You will know exactly what to expect when you do this. I say Jan because your January, but any group below the line will do, the pattern is the same.

Your balance/ spacing out etc. is normal, Welcome to the fog. Make sure you have read what to expect when you quit. drink alot of juice and water, that will help. Finally PM some fellow quitters in your group, or some vets that you have met, including me and ask for numbers. If you find yourself sitting in the parking lot of 7-11 getting ready to buy a can of cowshit you can call those numbers and suprise suprise we might just keep you quit.

Last, remember this- There is only ONE thing that you have to do today. and that is to stay quit. Everything else is secondary. To be successful you must be willing to stay quit regardless of all consequences. If you can embrace that your quit will be much easier.

SM

[Moose]

Well, I want to first say hey to everyone, and also tell everyone that I've talked to thank you so much for your wisdom, your listening ears, and your devotion in helping someone that you have never met and knowing where I was coming from. You know... if you would have told me that I would be doing a site like this a few weeks ago I would have told you that you were nuts, but with that said, for some strange reason it really does help knowing that someone else is going through what I am at this very moment.
What can I tell you about me??? Most of my friends call me Moose, I guess its cause I'm kind of a big guy, 6'7" 285. I grew up on a Polled Hereford farm and started dipping at a very early age (14) and continued to use and get more and more addicted till recently (I'm now 35).
What most amazes me about that damn little tin, is that you can have ulcers in your lips, your teeth hurting, your gums receding more and more everyday, and you still just stuff the shit on the other side of your mouth, and tell yourself that you probably have a "tooth ache" or a "canker sore" and it will go away in a few days. "I just need to slow down a little". That's how addicted I am to this very day. I quit on October 5,2009 and still going through allot of not so pleasant shit. I almost literally fall down at work cause I lose my since of balance for short times (don't really know what that's about), stare at a computer screen for long periods of time not really doing anything, dream about dipping, and chewing enough sunflower seeds to make a squirrel set in amazement.
Like everyone else, I have quit about three hundred times, dumped enough dip down the drain to stop up the Hoover Dam, and tried the "one" dip a day scenario just to end up back at the 2 can a day habit that I was used to. I am utterly coming out and saying that I am a full fledged addict and that I honestly am scared to stop, it was the one thing that never changed, and that was always there for me... NOT ANY MORE...
I hope that my "Moose Droppings" will find someone in the same boat and let you know that this place will truly help you, and the people that are here do honestly care about your quit and will help you through the suck. I'm by no means a "hall of famer" but I do know that I am going at this one day at a time, that I sincerely care about my "brothers" and will do anything I can to help their quit. I would say good luck, but honestly... its not luck, its just down right roll your sleeves up, pissed off stubbornness and determination that will get US to the next day.
Matthew (Moose)