Hi, my name is Paul
I'm on day 5 of being quit. Early on in this fog and between headaches and coughing fits I find some moments of mental clarity and occasional physical feelings that I haven't felt in many many years.
I was a chewer since high school, so 20 years give or take.
What I am starting to realise and bothers the most is that my wife of 7 years, my 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter really don't know their father. As long as they have known me I hid my addiction from them. I have made excuses and kept a distance so I could have time to run off and partake, which was prety much all the time. I didnt even kiss my wife during the day cause I was hiding a lipper or would sneak around her so we wouldn't bump into each other in the hallway. I am not the fun or funny energetic person i used to be. The can has taken it's toll, physical activities are so damn taxing and draining. But now that I'm quit I plan to spend more time with the family and be a better father and husband, to get my body healthy again and be more active. The nic took away some of the best years and they best job I'd ever have. My relationship and family were all started under a lie based on a bad choice I made as a teenager.
All that said it's good to know that's it's never too late and I'm glad this site is here so we can all make our lives better together.
I look forward to finding out what kind of person I am when I'm clean.
Paulie