My first taste of smokeless was Happy Days...I guess that right there gives some of you that can remember it a clue as to how long I have been dipping. Over the years I have wondered to several different brands and a thousand promises that I was going to quite. I wasn't going to pay $3.00 a can! So, I switched to a cheaper brand. I will quite on my birthday...every year. No matter what I always found a reason to quit the quit. I even managed to quit for almost a year back in the 90's. Then one day on a long road trip I thought I needed a dip so I bought a can. I got in the car, took a dip and within 30 miles I was spitting it out, throwing the can out the window and thinking wow, that really sucked, I guess I am done with it. Less than an hour later I was pulling into the C store for a new can and was back on it like I never quit!
This effort really started on April 1st. I decided I was going to quit my diet soda habit and cut down on my chewing. Surprisingly the diet soda wasn't that hard to stop...a day or two of a head ache and it has been good. Now for the chew, I decided I wouldn't take my chew with me when I left the house. That kept me off the can for almost 12 of my waking hours each day. However, I was very quick to get home after work! Even sneaking out early a few times. But, it did cut my use down considerably. I went from a can a day to a 1 1/2 cans be week. What it really showed is how much I was really a slave to the can. I would hurry home from work, I didn't want to go places on the weekends, I really started to plan my life around not taking my chew away from the house!
Then came June 16th. I had spent the weekend with my lip stuffed full the entire weekend. Then Monday I got up for work and it wasn't until I was setting at my desk that I noticed I had a dip in my lip. I had taken my can to work like I had for years and that is when I knew it was time to get off the crap. That is when I knew there was no "cutting back." It had to be all or nothing! That night I told my wife to get rid of any cans around the house, apologized for anything I might say or do in the near future, asked for her support and spit out my last chew of my life at 9pm on June 16, 2014.
At this point I feel pretty good. I am reading all the stories I can and take comfort in knowing I am not alone and what I am thinking/feeling are normal..at least for an addict. I am looking at my desk covered with lifesavers, gum, coconut chips, starburst, mints, smokey mountain and wonder if I am going to rot my teeth out...but knowing even that is a better alternative. However, I do have to wonder if smokey mountain isn't a bit of a cheat!
At this point, the hardest thing for me is the quilt of what I have done to my family. The financial costs of my habit are easy to see. But the worst one is both of my sons now chew. My oldest is 30 and 6 months ago he and his wife had my first grandson! It breaks my heart to know that even though I always told them not to start and that I wish my father had tried to stop me from dipping, that my doing so was same as giving them permission to follow suit. At the same time, I know you can't quit for someone else...it has to be for yourself. In the near future I have to have a talk with my sons. I pray that I can help them find the will to quit...my parents didn't model any addictions for their children to follow and I am the only one of 5 kids who has modeled an addiction to their children. I hope it will end before the next generation.
I have made every fail there is. From "just one won't hurt, I will only dip at certain times, I will quit on this or that date" I have proven that there is only one option that will work for me. I will never put nicotine into my body again...period...short and simple. Anything less is not a quit but an excuse and I need to see if I can model the right behavior for my children..even it they are grown.
