My name is bweave09 and I caved.
To anyone who might remember me, I am here to apologize. I made a feeble attempt at a quit in March. I was given support and friendship that I couldn't even count on from the best of my friends outside of this forum and I shat on it. I completely disrespected everyone here, everyone that cared, everyone that quit when I pussied out. The last 5 months have been rough. Between my parents' divorce, a breakup with my stupid bitch of an ex girlfriend, getting back with the woman that I never should have left, financial struggles, and a whole bunch of other shit, I had a lot of ammo that I used to convince myself that I needed dip. I'm ready to drop the excuses and grow my nutsack real fuckin big. I am here, ready to face all of the criticism and hate because I can't do it alone. I am a grown ass man on the verge of a panic attack because I can't have my grizzly. I'm almost 48 hours into my quit, my final quit, my only real quit, and I feel like I am going to fucking die. I have an accounting exam tomorrow that I can't make myself study for. I play competitive golf and today I imploded on the golf course because the dip wasn't there to calm me down. The last 2 days have been a constant shouting match with my girlfriend because I am so pathetic that I can't keep my cool without nicotine. She is being as supportive as she can, but my blowups aimed at her aren't fair. I'm telling this to a bunch of strangers because I literally can not do this alone. I'm done. Another few hours without someone who actually understands what this feels like and I'm a caver once again.
Though I owe everyone here an apology, there is one person on this board that I am really impressed by. About 2 months ago, a solid 3 months after I caved, I got an email from Mthomas3824. He told me that he noticed that I stopped posting, assumed I caved, and that he would quit and walk with me all the way to the HOF if I ever decided to come back. This guy doesn't know me from any other jerkoff with a computer but he cared enough to email me months later and let me know that I really can do this. At the time I brushed it off. I had no interest in quitting. I didn't even have the balls to respond. So Mthomas3824, I am incredibly sorry for letting you down, blowing you off, and completely disrespecting you. You are my inspiration for this quit. To everyone else, I am ready for the hate, the shit talking, the doubt. I deserve it all.
I wouldn't come back without a plan, but I am sure the one I have could use some refining. A coworker quit on Sunday (2 days before me) and on days that we don't work together I'll text him when the quit sucks worst and he'll help. He, however, won't join KTC and doesn't seem to be having as difficult of a time. I need this website and the people on it to keep me quit. I'm avoiding fake chew, seeds, and the like because they seem to make me want a dip even worse. I have told my close friends that I am quitting and they have agreed to dip around me as little as possible. I will post roll every day without fail. If a situation ever arises where I can not get internet access, I will notify a quit brother via text or phone call. When I tried to quit last time, it seemed to be way too easy. I think that made it easier for me to cave because I didn't think I'd ever be a raging dip monster again. I was wrong. I think I'm paying for it this time. I feel like absolute dog shit. My head hurts, I feel weak, I can't concentrate on anything (except for this post for some reason), and I am craving nicotine worse than I ever have before. This time I will not take the quit lightly. I will avoid nicotine at all costs.
I know you guys want to tear me apart right now (especially June Platoon) and please don't hold back, but I could really use some advice and maybe a little support too. I know I don't deserve it but fuck this is hard.
