January 5, 2015
Dear Nicotine,
Please let this letter serve as my official resignation letter. I have recently been blessed with the fortitude (along with a push from some friends) to leave you
7 days ago. However, a monumental challenge to do so, I have since decided that after my 22 year tenure with you, I will never return to you again.
In hindsight, I wanted to reflect on our relationship together and thank you for some great times:
1. That time my girlfriend (now wife) drank from a coke can spit cup was very memorable, especially for her.
2. Knowing that I have spent upwards near $30,000 on you and in return you've given me nothing but kidney stones, white spots in my mouth, hypertension and a sore jaw shows how great you are.
3. That time when my wife was giving birth to our first child and we decided to sneak outside for a little break when all of a sudden our wife needed us for an emergency and they couldn't find us, that was awesome.
4. The best was when my mom was on her death bed, dying of cancer and she asked me to quit you and I promised I would. But shortly after her death I started again due to stress. That's was an epic example of your integrity.
Moving forward please do not email me, facebook me, call me, text me, talk to me or even look at me. If you try to contact my family or friends I will kill you on the spot
and stuff you in the garbage can like the piece of trash you are. If you need to contact me and it is an emergency please come to killthecan.org and the welcome staff will make
sure you are dealt with properly.
Thanks again for all the years of service and the heartache you brought upon to me and my family and friends. I hope that in the future you can kindly fuck off and die.
Sincerely,
JJohnson (officially stronger than you)