Hello all, I think I have finally hit rock bottom..............
My name is Chris and I have been using smokeless tobacco in one form or another for over 20 years.
It started in high school, with a pinch of skoal here and there, mainly given to me by friends on occasion during sporting events. I didn't start buying it or using it on a regular basis until I joined the military. Many of my friends smoked and sit out in the smoking area. Since I hated smoking I figured I would just dip while I was out there. Big mistake..... from 1991-1999 I would dip 2-3 cans of Copenhagen a week, while adding a bag of Red Man on accasion when my front gum would get sore. Didnt even think of quitting until I met my current wife in 1998........
My wife of course hated the fact that I dipped, and by the time we started getting serious, I was tired of dipping myself. I attempted quiting here and there and was able to quite for a 1 year period at one time, but for some reason I would pick up a can here and there. I would basically continue to live a lie for several years, finding ways to hide it from my wife, eventually resigning to dipping at work only.
Even up to this year, I find myself picking up a can, throwing it away before even taking one pinch at times, at other times picking up a can and going through it in one day. I would even find myself throwing the can out the window on the way to work only to go back to find the can on the side of the street at lunch time. I'll go months without touching it, then fall right back into it when some stupid excuse comes up. I have been sick and tired for so long (I dont even like the taste of it anymore), yet haven't been able to completely kick it myself. I feel like a hyprocrite and I just want this to be over.
Anyway, my last reality check happened today. A "friend" of mine happened to have 2 of those new Marlboro snus packs and handed one to me. He might as well have handed me a eight ball of cocaine, because I was drawn to it bigtime. Fits right into my wallet.... easily hidden from the wife. I actually convinced myself that the small pouch would be no big deal, or at least ease the cravings when I felt I needed it. Well, my "easily hidden" snus pack ended up on the seat of our family car which my wife of course promptly found. She called me every name in the book but the one that hit home the most was "liar". I can't blame her one bit.
I feel like a complete ass. I don't even like doing the stuff though I feel like I need it. My father just died this last August due to complications surrounding his long term smoking habit, yet here I am still struggling daily to stay away from the can. At this point I can safely say that I cannot do this on my own. I desperately need support for something that is ruinning my relationship as well as putting my health at risk.
I have been to this site several times throughout the year in expectation of doing something about my habit, but this is the 1st time I have actually broken down and registered.
Anyway, the name's Chris and I am from Chandler AZ. We can call today my 1st day quit (again). Hopefully with the help of this great community I can make this permanent. That's the plan.......
