Freaking crazy to be nearly 9 weeks in. During the first week, around day 4or 5 I never would have believed the craves would subside this much. They are not completely gone and will likely never completely dissipate, however, They are becoming less familiar and almost unrecognizable. It is knda like running into a kid we once knew in Kindergarten, 25 years later. It takes a while to nail down exactly who it is. My craves are becoming that way.
I found myself standing out in the rain last night waiting for my puppy to take care of her business and felt like something was missing. Was I hungry? No, that wasn't it. Thirsty, nope beer was in my left hand. Perhaps I needed to take care of business, (that's usually the case with a beer in my hand). 15 minutes later I was back inside watching the Astros game, and it hit me: That was what my craves feel like now. 2 minutes of "something's missing".
Today I was standing in a co-workers office with his can on his desk, which early on in my quit would have had me nearly twitching. Now its gravity has significantly subsided and it goes hardly noticed. In fact, many if not most of my triggers have been overcome, and I can accomplish those things without even thinking of a dip. Washing the car, walking into a convenient store, fishing, flying, drinking, or stressful situations.
Two days ago, my wife's family buried her grandfather. While standing graveside as a pallbearer, listening to Taps being played I thought of my addiction. I thought of the other funerals, weddings, vacations and life events I had attended all while having a fat wad of shit in my mouth. Of course as a closest addict, I had to extensively plan those trips and events. Hidden cans in luggage, zip-lock bags of Nic gum in my carry-on (didn't want the foil backing to trigger anything with TSA, lest they out me in front of my family with a bag search). In fact, I found that an addict can generally think up a million ways to sneak their fix.
Looking back on that sunny Monday afternoon, I had realized that I love being Nic-free. I don't have to stress while travelling, or fake a bathroom break while driving from Vegas to Glendale for the Superbowl just to pop in one more. I don't have to worry about my girls finding a can, or my wife looking through my jacket pockets. I just get to live.
