Ryder I posted this here for two reasons:
1. You need to remember these conversations.
- This is what you look back on, when you are struggling, helps ground you.
- This is what you look back on, smile to know how far you have come.
2. Others need to read your words and your thoughts. These are what help people quit. These words give HOPE and COURAGE to people.
You are helping my quit. You may not understand that on Day 2, but I know some day you will understand.
ER: I usually don't have my first dip until mid afternoon. Weekends usually earlier. I am going to try gum and fake. Chewing a straw sometimes when I quit before.
CDI: U haven't quit before. Those were pauses. You only quit once.
CDI: 406 days quit today. I have lost my job, trying to save my marriage and my family. We do it one day at a time.
ER: I know how hard it will be when I go outside and practice and when I play my competitions. I can't do it at work but from mid afternoon until I fo to bed is the hardest time not to put a dip in. Yes I have never quit.
CDI: Don't think about what you used to do. You don't do that shit anymore.
CDI: Can't fix yesterday. Can't control tomorrow. You can only change today.
CDI: Deal with today. No more. No less.
ER: Ok. I will need to change my whole mindset.
CDI: We will get there. No worries. Let's get through today.
ER: There have been days I went without it buts it's always the 4-5 range that gets me every time. Thanks again man. I am convinced this is the only way to quit.
CDI: I have faith that you can do this. I have enough ffor both of us right now. Just trust in me and the process. My phone is always on.
ER: Will do. Thanks again. I need and want this more than anything so I will keep you on speed dial.
CDI: Then do what ever it takes. Might mean going home after work, or driving a longer route to not go by the normal places you stop to buy it.
ER: I am stopping by smokes and getting some smokey today.
CDI: Can anyone do that for you? Just so your not tempted.
ER: Yes good idea.
CDI: Shit. That means I am done for the day. It's going to be a rough one if I peaked before 10 am.
ER: Hahaha You are not done!!!
ER: My shit hits the fan in the evenings.
CDI: Not going to lie, it will suck. But a few hours of suck is easier than having no jaw.
ER: I agree. I have noticed a lot of wear on the gums and it's a matter of time when it catches up to me and then it will be too late. I want my freedom back. I hate feeling like it controls everything I do or want to do.
CDI: Do not loose sight of that.
CDI: "MEME" Wear your scars with pride.... Because a scar-less man has not felt the hardship of life or the feeling of pain.
ER: So true. Picked up some smokey mountian. Went to walmart. It's the best fake I have tried. Still wanting to spit though. Don't know if I need to though.
CDI: Tea! I used smokey mountain for a long time. Mint green tea is the best. I had the same craving to spit.
ER: Mint green tea bags?
CDI: "Photo of front seat of car" Two bags of Biggs Sunflower Seeds (Dill and Cracked Pepper) and some tea bags
CDI: Yes. Don't be ashamed or say you don't need it. Tobacco and nicotine are the only things off the table.
CDI: Those are on my front seat right now! I am 406 days quit, no shame.
ER: I will do anything to get off tobacco and nicotine.
CDI: Day 407
ER: Day 2
CDI: Kick Ass
ER: In the past day 4 and beyond is always brutal
ER: Fake helps more than I expected.
CDI: Good on the fake. Stop comparing. Today is it.
CDI: Drink lots of water.
ER: OK will do thanks.
CDI: Today. Your day count is a total of the days you promised.
CDI: You said that you would do whatever it takes to keep your word.
CDI: Did you read the Tom Kern story?
CDI: FYI: Don't tell me "will do thanks" I have heard that from more students about completing missing work and never saw anything. 'archer'
ER: I will keep my word. I did read the story. I am doing everything I need to do, I am not pacifying your words. I am focused on the things you are telling me and taking that to heart and mind.
CDI: Good. It is my job to make sure that you are not letting addict speak make excuses.
ER: It is the first time I am admitting to anyone including myself that I am an addict. Realizing now it is a serious addiction with most likely a bad ending if I don't quit.
CDI: That's the first step. That is awesome Eric. Proud of you brother. Now let's get through today.
ER: I will get through today I am determined.
CDI: You aren't alone. The only time you have to do this alone is when you choose to. It is brotherhood + accountability = success for a reason.
ER: Its a mindset that I need to change for the rest of my existence. I will always be addicted so I am realizing I will continue to give and take support. Quitting for me is now not an option. Nothing is more frustrating and annoying than to be dependent. Hate it.
CDI: Quitting becomes a way of life. A cornerstone in your being. Quitting is not just about removing something, it is about changing all of who you are.
