Back again

[Diesel2112]

I was SLAMMED with anxiety and depression when I quit. I had no idea what they even were prior to quitting, just something that "other people" got.

It sucked. I was scared shitless. I could barely complete simple tasks. I kept having anxiety attacks, I couldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat, I shut myself off to my wife, my kids, my friends, my family. I didn't answer my phone, texts, emails. My heart constantly raced, I couldn't sit still. I thought I was diabetic (no clue why), I thought I had cancer, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I though I had a stroke, I had irrational thoughts, I thought I was dieing...I literally thought I was going crazy. I even left the sight for like a month.

But I never caved.

I went through a couple shrinks (one I would still like to punch in the face). I was going to counseling twice a week. I was put on anti-depression and anti anxiety meds. I came back to the site, and I continued to push forward.

808 days later, I'm on no meds. I eat like someone is going steal the food off my plate, I haven't been to a counselor or shrink in over a year, I'm still fairly active on this site, and I actually feel like a "normal" person.

Looking back I often wonder why the fuck didn't I just cave? Or take the advice of my doctor and ween down and use nrt products? Why the fuck did I go through all that shit? I was either stupid or I REALLY wanted to quit.

I'm a lot of things, but stupid ain't one.

I'm no Billy Bad Ass, either. In fact I'm a fucking pussy. Don't believe me, go read my intro (if you have 10 hours).

You really want to quit, do whatever it takes.

If an asshole like me can do it, anyone can...they just have to want to.

[B-loMatt]

You want to be quit? You want to stop paying $$$ every day for poison that WILL KILL YOU? Then Read everything here, live the KTC plan, and own your quit to the point that it is the most important thing in your day until it doesn't need to be... You know you want to break free so do whatever it takes for the few weeks/months it will take for you to get free.

[Tuco]

I don't really know the first thing about having depression or anxiety, other than the fact that both can be all-consuming and most certainly not a problem you would wish to have. But, you have another problem that is entirely within your control. That's why you're here. That's why we're all here. For once, the real you, the rational you is speaking louder than the addict. It sounds like you're finally starting to listen.

Tough love isn't an angle. It's a matter-of-fact, no bullshit approach to facing your addiction head-on. What good does it do you or anyone else to coddle you and tell you that it's ok to keep slipping up? That's precisely what the addict wants to hear. There are plenty of other sites that will help you to kick the can down the road if that's really what you want.

Again, I won't even pretend to grasp the full nature of depression, but it seems to me that once your depression takes hold, you allow it to steer your decision making back to nicotine. That's basically another form of romanticizing dip and premeditating your cave. Depression or not, that's a classic cave move.

Looking at your past post history, it appears as though you stuck around for about a month posting roll and doing little else by way of interaction. That might well have been a very dark time for you, but it doesn't really look like you reached out to anyone for help, does it?

I'll be perfectly honest - I want you to stick around and I want you to stay quit, but you've got to want it more than I do. Or anyone else for that matter. Right now, you seem wishy-washy as fuck to me. Change that. Take charge. Get mad. Get REALLY mad that you are a slave to something that is entirely within your control to quit. Come in here and vent. Be honest with yourself and with others. Post Roll first thing in the morning and keep your word all day. Go to bed at night feeling proud that you just put another day without nicotine under your belt. In a nutshell, quit like fuck.

So, what's it going to be, beans?

[schaef418]

You are welcome - just answer the 3 questions and start post rolling

Different this time?
Better mindset--not "giving up" anything but gaining something.

Medication to deal with my anxiety..

Post roll daily

I think I already answered the other two.

Try again...with feeling this time.

[BG]

I am here again giving this another shot.
I am quite certain most of you know the nature of addiction. Even though today was going quite well, it had many difficult moments.
What went wrong? Not sure. I gave up too easily. I also think dealing with anxiety and OCD was part of it. So differently this time, took some steps to get treatment for those two things first. Have spent a lot of time reading and thinking. Thinking the medication I have for anxiety will also help with the deep depression that always has come with any quit attempt after a month or so.

I guess my last serious attempt was in 2012. Things went well for what seemed like about a month. I can't remember. I remember going into a very dark, dark depression. No medication. That's pretty much it.

Everything I read about this says don't ever give up. That's what I am doing. Not giving up. Thought the support would be helpful. Keep trying.

I know it is well intentioned, the tough love angle. I get that. I honestly could not even remember a username or what email I had ever used on this site before. If I were trying to pull a fast one, why wouldn't I just get a new email address and not say anything? Do any of you have anxiety and OCD? I would appreciate the help.

If I'm not welcome here, that's fine. There are similar boards that seem a bit more welcoming. Patiently waiting for your responses :)

I don't think anyone thinks you were trying to pull a fast one. There are other boards that'll rub your back and tell it's okay to fail but that ain't us. Nor will you likely find a place with the success rate as high as KTC either, but I digress. To each their own. I prefer this method. It's the only thing that worked when nothing else did.

You're welcome bro. Just don't expect to be welcomed like it's the first day back to school after summer. You caved. Those guys in May 2012 that you started out with are as tight as ticks and you sorta left em high and dry. You're word to them back then was your promise and you didn't keep it. You see the point?

[misterbean]

You are welcome - just answer the 3 questions and start post rolling

Different this time?
Better mindset--not "giving up" anything but gaining something.

Medication to deal with my anxiety..

Post roll daily

I think I already answered the other two.

[30yraddict]

I am here again giving this another shot.
I am quite certain most of you know the nature of addiction. Even though today was going quite well, it had many difficult moments.
What went wrong? Not sure. I gave up too easily. I also think dealing with anxiety and OCD was part of it. So differently this time, took some steps to get treatment for those two things first. Have spent a lot of time reading and thinking. Thinking the medication I have for anxiety will also help with the deep depression that always has come with any quit attempt after a month or so.

I guess my last serious attempt was in 2012. Things went well for what seemed like about a month. I can't remember. I remember going into a very dark, dark depression. No medication. That's pretty much it.

Everything I read about this says don't ever give up. That's what I am doing. Not giving up. Thought the support would be helpful. Keep trying.

I know it is well intentioned, the tough love angle. I get that. I honestly could not even remember a username or what email I had ever used on this site before. If I were trying to pull a fast one, why wouldn't I just get a new email address and not say anything? Do any of you have anxiety and OCD? I would appreciate the help.

If I'm not welcome here, that's fine. There are similar boards that seem a bit more welcoming. Patiently waiting for your responses :)

You are correct their are other boards that are more welcoming.

Some of those will tell you that it is ok to fail that somehow in the try try again philosophy it will someday stick.

We won't tell you that, we will tell you the truth you need to hear.

You are an addict. This is treatment.

Try is not in the vocabulary. Try is for somewhere else.

Here we quit.. no excused tendered nor accepted.

your move.

[Quitforsoj]

You are welcome - just answer the 3 questions and start post rolling

[misterbean]

I am here again giving this another shot.
I am quite certain most of you know the nature of addiction. Even though today was going quite well, it had many difficult moments.
What went wrong? Not sure. I gave up too easily. I also think dealing with anxiety and OCD was part of it. So differently this time, took some steps to get treatment for those two things first. Have spent a lot of time reading and thinking. Thinking the medication I have for anxiety will also help with the deep depression that always has come with any quit attempt after a month or so.

I guess my last serious attempt was in 2012. Things went well for what seemed like about a month. I can't remember. I remember going into a very dark, dark depression. No medication. That's pretty much it.

Everything I read about this says don't ever give up. That's what I am doing. Not giving up. Thought the support would be helpful. Keep trying.

I know it is well intentioned, the tough love angle. I get that. I honestly could not even remember a username or what email I had ever used on this site before. If I were trying to pull a fast one, why wouldn't I just get a new email address and not say anything? Do any of you have anxiety and OCD? I would appreciate the help.

If I'm not welcome here, that's fine. There are similar boards that seem a bit more welcoming. Patiently waiting for your responses :)

[BG]

He does indeed have some explaining to do. We'll be waiting.

Ahem...

bump for pvcoach a.k.a. misterbean. Welcome to jungle, but you've got some explaining to do pal.

[BG]

He does indeed have some explaining to do. We'll be waiting.

Ahem...

[Tuco]

Yes I have been here before. Probably 4 or 5 years ago? Different name. I couldn't remember my log in, my password, nothing..
Yep, I will post roll daily. It's noon and still doing good. I have handled several phone calls and little projects No Big Deal!!

Well, shit. You need to PM one of the admins (wastepanel, NOLAQ, 30yr, etc) and have them dig up your old username. There's no sneaking in the back door with a shiny new name if you quit (stopped, really) and then caved. They will also merge your new intro with your old one - assuming there was one.

What was your original quit date? You've got some 'splaining to do with your old quit group as well as your new November Quit Group.

Since you were here previously and have since caved, you need to come up with GOOD answers to the following 3 questions:

1) What happened?

2) Why did it happen?

3) What are you going to do differently next time so that it doesn't happen again?

Please keep in mind that if you half-ass your way through the answers to any of these questions, you will get called out for it and you probably won't like what you hear. If vague and cagey answers to those 3 questions were shit, we'd have a pile stacked to the moon by now. It would be there from the other cavers that have crossed that threshold a second time around, but weren't willing to really come clean about their addiction and do whatever was necessary to stay quit.

These answers aren't for us. They are for you.

[Skoal Monster]

Welcome Pv

You say you've done this before? Was that here? If so Pm a mod and they can find your old screen name. You've never done THIS before, THIS time your quit.

In any case glad you read the Alan Carr stuff. It will help with your mind.

Quitting Nicotine is chess not checkers.

Being tired, poor circulation, high blood pressure, heartburn, and a host of other issues are caused by nicotine. It isn't just cancer that shit gives you. Nicotine is a neurotoxin more lethal ounce per ounce than cobra venom.

You should be mad. That crap has stolen time from your family, thousands of dollars, and your health for thirty years. You have a short time period where your going to feel shitty. This is simply the price to pay to earn your freedom. A short period of uncomfortableness in exchange for your health, life and freedom? A Good trade

Sm

[Flannywho]

I thought that is what his intro meant. What the fuck happened back then that is going to be different than this time? Did you post roll daily? Support your brothers in your quit group? Did you get names and numbers of your brothers to help with your quit and their quit? I think what we all want to know is what is different now then before?

[Thumblewort]

You done what several times before, joined the KTC and caved? WTF?